Taking Responsibility

 Sometimes  I get so  Sick of hearing myself blame and complain .    Yes my Parents  were undeniably  selfish , self absorbed , abusive and unfair  but ...  I'm an ADULT now and my perpetuating  those patterns of  deprivation and  misery is  my CHOICE .  

If  im not  doing what I love every day work wise , if I'm not maximally productive , if im unfulfilled - I need to get my butt to  THERAPIST  and help myself by  working on unlearning these self destructive  patterns and habits ... 

I'm very grateful to my surgery that  it HAS given me the  space  and time between meals -  time that was formerly wasted on the futile  struggle NOT TO EAT  ... to actually  do other things .  

I hate SEEING that im A MESS  ...   but I guess its better than being  hopeless , delusional   chronically angry or dead  ... 

Ava,  You are one strong, smart, funny, interesting, amazingly talented woman.  I wish you the best in finding your way to a healthier, happier you!  From your posts, I can tell you've been struggling for a while to find your peace, but I KNOW you are on track and know YOU KNOW what YOU need to do.  Best wishes, and come here to vent, complain, whatever anytime, none of us would get sick of it... we are all in this together!!

Ava hun - we love you!!

Unfortunately we seem to repeat and allow to be repeated, destructive behaviors from our past.  We seem to think we've overcome what happened to us, only to have it resurrected in a different form later in our lives.

Here's to you hun  - you've realized what the problem is, that's the first step to healing.  You can do it!!!

Working through issues is tough work.  But you are one strong lady and you can do it.  A psychologist friend used to say, you never get rid of a behavior, you just replace it.  Makes you think about what you are replacing your food with, huh.  Makes me think.

Sending big strong Polish hugs your way!

 Ava, we are all a work in progress. I think people like you who acknowledge your problems are way better off. You can solve problems, because you know they are there.

I think WLS brings up lots of our issues and if we don't deal with them, they can sabotage us. I still feel like I am not good enough. My mother's criticisms are in my head. I'm taking a break from my therapy, but know I will go back again. I will never be "cured", but I have so may more tools for dealing with my life.

You are so bright and full of life. I think you are amazing.