Self sabotage

I'm seeing the nutritionist on Friday as well as the surgeon for the pre-pre-op visit. I haven't done well at all with the goals we set for me. I have forgotten to write down everything in my food journal (which I was doing great with until I set this goal for myself). I am not eating 3 meals a day, in fact most days I am lucky to eat anything (i think it might be the heat on this one. I hate eating when I am hot and I just don't get very hungry when its like this).The only thing I am doing good on is the limiting of sugar-containing drinks. So far the only thing that quenches my thirst is water. So I have been drinking a LOT of water (pretty close to a gallon a day). And I am pretty sure I am chewing what I do eat into mushy consistency. It's taking me about 20 minutes to eat my meals when I do eat so I am getting there with the slowing down thing.
Anywho, I wrote all that because I think I am sabotaging myself. I don't know why either. It's definitely something I plan to take up with my therapist again but I have to say I am really tired of doing this to myself. I haven't quit smoking either and it's almost like I have given up on that because I am back up to a pack a day. I don't know why it is that when I write down my goals it seems like everything conspires to make sure I screw it up somehow. Anybody else have the self-sabotage problem when you were trying to get ready for surgery?

 The pre surgery diet wasn't easy for me  either .   My  doc  required that I lose a specific amount or no surgery  .. I guess to  prove that I could comply with the aftercare plan .    He sussed me out as a chronic hardhead lol  ( boy was he right  ! ) .

I guess  I just wanted it so bad  that I did it .   I was into running  every morning  too or blading  ..  and I just walked again in the afternoon  or went shopping when i felt like eating .  I  also ate a lot of air popped popcorn and lettuce in between my shakes to keep me full and  begged  oxycodones to knock me out when nothing else would work ... .  I wasnt above slipping a shot into a shake either lol ... not that Im recommending it ..  but I  was on the gosh darn  shakes only diet for SIX LONG WEEKS   !! 

Something that really  helps  is to take an  arginine - ornithine supplement after U exercise  and about  half an hour  right before  bed ...  itll really help U  sleep ..and also  help  Ur body make the most make the most of Ur exercise efforts  through maximal growth hormone release .

anyway I lost 40  lbs ...got my surgery and the rest as they say is history ... 

for what its worth i had NO  problem  putting down the medications after the surgery ...  but im not into that stuff   .. I just needed some appetite suppressing help  to keep me  out of the refrigerator until the surgery  permanently FIXED that problem .. 

have U tried Chantix ?     my husband says it not only helped him stop the smoking urge  but it also  curbed his appetite ..  

I hope Ure not shocked by my honesty  lol ... this is what I DID  not  what i WISHED  i DID  lol.. 
but at  least  it got me  into the surgery suite  ...  which Im SOOO  glad of ... 

personally  I think the doctor's  requirement  was kind of CRAZY  but protesting it would have  taken  six months and maybe  not  gotten me my surgery at all... 

Mini-me hey thanks for the reply.  Yes I have tried chantix and I had dreams I was having seizures. Would wake up with nail marks in my palms and in a full fibro flare so thats a no go for me. I am on Wellbutrin XL and nicotine lozenges at the moment but so far the desire for a cig is still there. Well, I will get it sorted out eventually just hoping I can do it BEFORE the one month before surgery mark. Yay for therapy.

 (((((()))))))  Big Hugs  Dani    What Ure doing is TOUGH .   I had SUCH  a  hard time  just putting down the excess FOOD .. I cant even imagine NICOTINE  too  .. 

But U know what  ..U want it bad enough U WILL do it  ... 

I literally  used to LIVE  in chat .and on the forums ..  for what its worth  when I wasn't  working, shopping or walking  ( a LOT of hours ...  ) ..its amazing how much time FOOD takes up ..

Getting rid of pounds prior to surgery was hard for me too...BUT, I kept thinking "how bad do I want this?"  This was my last resort at changing my life.  I wanted to be there for my daughter and be an active Mom.  I started to be limited on things b/c of obesity such as having to get off a roller coaster b/c the belt didn't fit..  I did NOT want that way of life.  Try making small goals for yourself, maybe writing down your foods is hard, but maybe finding a place like fitday.com to do it will be faster once you are used to it?  Then you can just print out your days foods and bring to your NUT, that's what I do.  Once I found out the amount of calories I needed to stay under to lose weight, it made it easier (for me was 1200).  I still had pizza, slice of cake etc, as long as most of the time I was eating healthy and ALWAYS kept it under 1200 cals...even eating pizza etc.  I lost weight consistently.

Smoking... it is HARD to quit.  I had tried many things (except chantix, so I don't know about that), but gum, patches etc... the ONLY thing that worked for me was cold turkey. I kept telling myself that  I could get through one day at a time... then by the time I was 3 or 4 days w/o smoking, I was telling myself, "well, you are almost done detoxing your body, don't start over now!"  Get through it (first week or so) and it isn't so bad.  I also wanted to get my nails done (acrylic) and could only afford them if I didn't smoke.  So, I told myself that when I quit for two weeks I could get them...  Then I can only keep them if I continued to not smoke... I still have them.  Oh, and when I really wanted a smoke, I went and did a mask on my face, or flossed my teeth, etc. You can do it too!

So, if I can do this, anyone can do this... yes, you too.  Just think about how you want to watch that scale go down.  Make yourself a list of things you want to do when the weight comes off.  Love yourself, and continue to feed yourself positive self-talk.  Come here for support.  We are all in this together.  Good luck, I'll be routing for you!  You deserve a great life... And, one step at a time my friend you can do it.

My pre-op was a 1200 calorie diet to get the required pounds off.  My Kaiser doesn't recommend shakes at any point in the journey.  It's tough to give up something when we don't know where we're headed.  I sat down and made a list of the pro's and con's of surgery.  Risk factors of surgery vs. risk factors of being 75 (60 now) and being 100 pounds overweight.   Surgery won out and I got down to business on the pre-op diet.

I went to Overeaters Anon for 17 years where I learned to live on a food plan and learned about what drove me to eat in the first place.  I think it's a wonderful (free) organization and perhaps you'd care to take a look at it.  There's something about sitting in a room of people who know exactly what you're talking about when you talk self-sabotage.

I quit smoking on June 21, 1990.  I went to a hypnotist and never smoked again.  But, I'm told you have to really really want it.  Funny but on June 21, 2011 I hit my Weigh****chers Lifetime membership goal.  I guess that will always be a big day for me.

Take it one day at a time.  Set baby steps (goals) for that one day.  Don't worry about tomorrow, just figure out how to honor yourself today and go slow.  You'll start racing ahead when you're ready.  I think that having surgery before you're ready makes it tough for people to learn new habits and conform to the post-op rules so give yourself a break and love yourself now.

 For what its forth  my husband went to a hypnotist too  .  Only for one session .   He demanded  his money back .  He thought the whole thing was CRAZY  and he got prescribed the chantix .  

THEN for  whatever reason ...  whether it was the hypnosis or  the chantix  or the combination ...  it WORKED  .   He hasn't smoked  in over three years ,  and  he smoked for  over twenty before that ..multiple packs a day .

You are pre-op. You haven't got your tool yet that helps make all this possible. So I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Except for the smoking thing -- not that I'd be hard on yourself because nicotine is horribly addicting -- but that one you absolutely have to do pre-op whereas the rest is just "nice" to do.

I read somewhere that it's a bad idea to write down your goals. Personally, I don't agree because having concrete goals has worked well for me. But it sounds like they don't for you so maybe the article has a point.

I think, when it comes to changing your life, what works best is to pick ONE THING and concentrate on that and only move on to the next thing when you have mastered the first thing. Trying to change EVERYTHING all at once is just too overwhelming.

So, if it was me, I'd say to myself: I've got the water down and the chewing, time to move on to the smoking. Then, once I had smoking under control, I'd move on to the next thing on my list.

MacMadame you are right. I got caught up in the "big picture" and need to step back and work on the little details that get me to the big picture. Thank you for the reminder!

 It's good advice to deal with one thing at a time. The pre-op diet was actually harder than eating after surgery for me. The smoking seems like the one to conquer. If nothing else, not smoking will help with your healing, to say nothing of your general health.

I know quitting smoking is tough (I've done it). Good luck with the process.