I need some ideas from the ladies

Before I started the process of being approved for bariatric surgery,  I sat down with my wife and tried to have a discussion with her about it.  Long story short, all I got from her was that she hates doctors and that she will support my decision  anyway she can.  Over the last few weeks of doctor appointments she has started asking questions and seems to want to know more about the process and what life after wls will be like.  I'm thinking, cool, she's getting geared up for this.  Wrong.  

Today she says to me that when I'm all skinny, I won't want her anymore.  She is a little overweight, but that thought had never crossed my mind.  My wife is the most important thing in my life and I do not want her to be uncomfortable with me having wls.

Ideas?

Sounds EXACTLY like what I'm going through. I have the added issue of my husband having gone thru it already. His ex wife lost 130lbs and promptly left him for another man. Fanfreakintastic.

Ask her to come with you to the appointments, let her see the medical/health side of this whole thing. My husband did and realized it wasn't going to be this fun, easy experience where I'll suddenly be skinny and hot. It's a journey and it's not going to be easy.

Write down the reasons you want to have the surgery. I keep telling my hubby that once I am at goal I will finally feel like I deserve HIM. Let her see that enjoying life with her is a big part of this.

And honestly, the easiest part, is just keeping her involved in everything and show her the love. Keep her close and try to be as mindful of her heart as you can be through this.

My hubby is starting to see some changes in me (I'm 3 weeks out) and I keep bringing things back to him. That I want to look pretty for him, I want to be fit so I can enjoy the next 80 years with him.

I hope this helps. I do know what you're going through. Good luck and hey, congrats on wanting a surgery that will improve your life and give you many, many more years with your wife.

It is a good sign that she is able to express to you how she is feeling.

I think change is always difficult. My husband felt the same way too. I just tried to be reassuring that it is for my health, not our relationship. I always said, you loved me through thick and thin, and he loved me on days I didnt even love myself.

Keep communicating, thats the key!

Good luck.

I am getting the, you wont want me anymore are you sure you still love me. Reassurance, understanding and communication is definately key. I had never thought of my husband and I as chubby buddies but we were and yes it is scary.
I agree with both posters before me, I took my hubby to every single appt, let him ask questions and made sure he had answers.
Going on 10 months now and things couldnt be better. He is still my best friend and confidant! Keep her involved, and push comes to shove we have a couple on here who has done it together, hopefully they will chime in and help you out also.

I think this is pretty common.   Our spouses think we're going to get all thin & sexy and leave them for someone else.  Keep the lines of communication open with her.   Let her know you are doing this for health reasons, NOT to find a new mate.   Good luck!  Cindy

 My husband was, and is, thankfully very supportive.  The best answer I have has nothing to do with the surgery.  It is a book recommended to me by my therapist years ago.  It is called The Five Love Languages (or maybe The Five Languages of Love).  It really describes the different ways we each perceive love (and it IS different for different people).

Find out your wife's love style and then continue to bless her with that kind of love.  As she sees and feels your love continue, her uneasiness should decrease.
janet

A great suggestion, Janet.  A great book for any relationship and at any stage. We have also read the Love Languages for Children and it really had a few suprises for us about our older daughter and has really helped those relationships!

Thanks Janet. The book sounds like a great idea. Going to see if I can get it on my kindle right now .

That's great that she shared that with you.  You must have a very open relationship.  You might be have such a an uneventful successful surgery that she will want to go through the process with you. 

BUT

Whatever you do, don't encourage her to eat healthy, exercise with you, or anything that's going to make her feel like you want her to lose weight.  My DD (darling daughter)  is so jealous of me losing weight that any time I even talk about what I ate that day she thinks I'm talking directly at her.  She has actually gained weight since I've had my surgery but I think she's beautiful!

 Wow Roz, I never thought of it that way but I think you may be right!  I think some people DO think of that kind of encouragement as preaching or whatever.  My husband fortunately started eating better while I was down in Mexico and has been great ever since.  He's obviously down to the point that I am but he's already lost close to what I have (the turd!...guys always lose faster grrr lol) 

OP, do you think that your wife may just want to jump on the band wagon with you?