Good Morning. How do you handle friends who are non-compliant?

Just curious, I guess. Do you beat them into submission or let them screw up and die? I'm a member of a small group of WLS folks here in northern VA and I can feel it coming. Some very smart but very stubborn folks are members, you know? I can tal****il I'm blue in the face but I can't make them do what they should. How do you guys handle it?

--gina
    

I have a friend from the driving community that had surgery about 2 yrs before me.  RNY from a different Dr but same area.  She has lost 200 lbs but is still very heavy.  I know some of it is loose skin but there is fat in there also.  She is actually the EMT that recognized there was something wrong and got me to the hospital a few weeks ago.  We both stay with the same family when we are down in SC so we share a lot of meals together.  I know she doesn't eat right.  I have been brave enought to ask her about her labs and vitamins and she says they are fine. I haven't confronted her about her intake.  I try to just set the example.  She is young but without plastic surgery isn't ever going to show how much she really has lost.  While I have been getting all the raves about losing, she hasn't.  Even 200lbs is hard to see when there is so much left. I have no clue how to handle her.

I believe I was just ranting about this the other day LOL... I still have no answers. I do know that my step father was non compliant, had RNY early in the 90's and died at 45, he was also drinking heavily. He has been gone now for 8 years.

I have a Facebook friend who had RNY a few months ago (2-3)  and she drives me NUTS!!!!!!!!    She doesnt live close to me so I can only go by what she posts on FB.   She's always complaining about how she's not loosing weight.  How her surgery failed.  How she's soooo frustrated because the scales not moving   etc.   Many people have encouraged her to keep following her surgeons plan, get in her protein, fluids, and vitamins..... and the weight will come off.   She makes excuse after excuse how she cant find a protein drink she likes.  How she cant take her Vits.  Then she posts about going out on weekends drinking wine, beer, etc.  and her trips to a carnival where she ate cotton candy,  deep fried Oreo cookies, and a rootbeer float!!    UUGH!!!!   Im at the point where I no longer reply to any of her posts about wls, loosing weight, etc.  You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink.   Cindy

She is one of those people where I put on hide! I have hidden about 15 that have had WLS and they drive me nuts with this stuff.

Sigh . . .  This one REALLY and literally hits home.

My daughter had RNY about 3 years ago and lost 120 pounds.  She looks so much better, but she honestly has about another 40 pounds to lose.  She is not happy with her weight and would like to get to her goal. 

But she still eats like a teenager (she is 24).  She drinks alcholol often.  She does not follow the rules. 

I try try try to set a good example for her and to give her pointers and hints about getting the most out of this tool.  But I am being a "nagging" mom and this only alienates her. 

I will love reading everyone's responses on this one -

So far, we've only got responses on situations that we all have that are similar to yours Gina. I'm keeping with that theme. My mom had WLS RNY almost 3 years ago (this fall) - she is still over 200. When they come to visit she says "it's so great I can eat almost everything I could before." She did quit smoking (YES!) but she doesn't exercise at all (never has) and she still drinks Diet Soda and coffee frequently. I can see that she's not happy with her weight loss but I don't have a clue how to help her. And I truly want her to be successful. I know her vitamins must suck b/c she takes Flintstones and Tums.


How can I help her???????

You've probably already invited her to join us here. That would be a start and let her know we do things differently since we learn from patients from different surgeons and different WLS types.

I have a family member who had surgery about 5 years ago and has gained back about 30lbs and she asked me the other day if I thought my stomach would stretch out like hers had.  I just answered that I hope not, but what I wanted to say was NO, because I am going to stay with the program that you didn't stay with!  Her bone density scan came back and it wasn't too good, some bone loss in her hips so bad that they may need to do some type of infusion, so I asked about her calcium...not consistant with taking it!  UGH!  I want her to live and be healthy, but telling her what I think she needs and getting her to do it are two different things.  It makes me so sad.

Beverly 

Our support group sounds a bit like yours except you have trained your nut...we don't even get to see ours or any of the office staff during ours. All of them are run by patients, most have had a RNY many years ago and follow the rules the surgeon set down...which would be okay except it's not good enough. They have their own baiatric viamin and think ALL you have to take daily is it, nothing else.

We've reached the point where not going saves our sanity except we keep trying and a few we manage to "get". And this time we need to let them know Vitalady will be in town. :)

Liz