How Do I Tell My Mom I'm Having Another Surgery?

As some of you know, when I chose to have weight loss surgery, I wanted to hide it from my mother.  She ended up finding out about my surgery after the fact, and was really upset and hurt by it, and by the fact that I chose to hide it from her.  We have only just begun to mend our relationship, and now I have to tell her that I am again going under the knife!

I began looking into plastics, and it went so quickly that I'm now having surgery June second of this year!  I have to tell my mom, and I have to hurry up, because I'm about to graduate and want my mom to have time to get used to the idea before I graduate May 21 (because we'll have to be around one another!).  Because I had to leave my job this final semester of school, I'm living rent-free in a home owned by my mother until I start working in August.  I don't want her to feel as if I am taking advantage.

Even with that free place to stay, it's a major financial hardship (a.k.a I've been living on ramen, beans, rice and frozen chicken for months now), but this is the right time for plastics because I will never be able to take so much time off of my physically-demanding job again as I need to recover.  It's really the perfect window, and a breast-lift is something that I have always wanted ever since I reached puberty and got huge, saggy breasts!  I feel like I deserve to feel good and be happy, and I want her to support me.  Does anyone have suggestions about how to broach this topic with her?

Ooooo - hugs to you!  What a difficult situation to be in.

I didn't tell my mom about my BL/BA, but then again I was 51... she knew about my tummy tuck.

I guess just tell her outright... tell her exactly what you told us. 

I get the feeling she's not going to be receptive...

Yeah, so do I.  I know that I'm an adult and what I do with my body is MY decision, and I think that if I were totally financially independent and it were sometime down the line, she would be supportive.  But because I have this time off now in which I will be studying for the boards exam and interviewing for jobs, this is the time I have to choose to do it, and I don't think she will support me maxing out my credit cards to have it done.  I'm really feeling like it's the best thing for me, especially since the pain of my breasts is really beginning to affect my quality of life, but I don't think she will really understand that.  I am afraid she will see it as taking advantage of her, and may even kick me out, in which case I have nowhere to go.

ok - My mom is bi-polar. She supported my tummy tuck BEFORE I had it. Once it was done, a few days later, she had a complete mental breakdown cause her only girl went under the knife again. She said its painful to watch your child go through this.
I am awaiting approval for a BR/BL ( my TT was a self pay CC).... she asked me if I was going to do it soon cause she doesn't know if she can handle it mentally....
What I would suggest is write her a letter - and stick it in a card. Tell her you appreciate her and you know its hard for her to handle this, but ultimately its something YOU want.


Janessa

I had thought of maybe doing the letter-thing, and making plans to see her a day or two after she receives it, so that she can calm her emotional reaction to some extent and be prepared with any questions before we talk face-to-face. 

However you choose to do it, I wish you the best!!
Let us know how she reacts.....

As a part of telling her, can you ask for the reaction you want?  "Mom, I really need your support" kind of approach.  Also things like "I know you love me and you worry about me, but you raised me to be a thoughtful, independent woman who can consider all sides and come to the right decision for me."  Of course, if she's bound and determined to have a meltdown the only thing you can do is get out of the way...!

Thanks Kathy.  I know this is the right move for me.  I'm just trying to figure out a way to help HER see that

This may not be a popular reply, but as you are essentially living under her roof I feel you have an obligation to let her know before the surgery.  If you were totally out on your own and depending on only your own resources, then I'd say go for it and tell her whenever.  In the current situation, I really couldn't fault her for feeling betrayed, although I hope in such a situation I still would be supportive and not toss you out on the street!

I agree with you. We don't live together but since she's my landlady and is letting me "owe" my next couple of months of rent, I DO feel obligated to tell her, just don't know how to