haven't needed to vent, but now....

 Yesterday I went shopping with the person, who gave me a hard time in the beginning of my journey. She asked how much more I want to lose. I stupidly said 20 pounds. That would get me to the highest end of a normal BMI for my height. Not unreasonable in my mind.

She started in on how I would be too thin, that I already looked "weak" to her and tired. I was crushed of course. I'm thinking I look better than I have in years. I am moving better, going to the gym, yoga, feeling more fully engaged in life than I have in a while. I certainly don't feel weak and tired. 

She said I look good at my current weight. That I was getting obsessed with appearances, which is shallow. My problem is that I know how much I am carrying in my middle. She said I might not lose there. I know that, but want to try to lose as much as possible in this precious honeymoon period.

I have accepted that I am only 5'3". I lost 1.5 inches somewhere along the way, what with aging and arthritis. That was great when I was qualifying, but now it means I need to get lower just to get to normal. I can't see going through what I have to stop before a normal BMI.

Anyway, just venting. I never thought anyone would say I was too thin this early in the process. I am happy I am still losing, more slowly, but that seems to happen to many of us. I kept my mouth shut yesterday, but I am telling this board, I may change my goal to 130, when I get to 140, to give myself room for the bounce back I see occurs.

Thanks for being there to let me get this out. You are all precious to me.

This is a very common vent... we have a lot of well meaning friends that haven't seen us at a low weight and who get concerned about us - and then there are the friends that are worried we will change and are jealous of what we have accomplished. 

My Mom used to say "you don't need to lose anymore" and I'd say "yea I'm about done".. that kept her quiet.  Then whenever I'd see her she'd say "are you still losing weight" - "nope, I'm done"...   Many of us took that approach when we were 20 lbs out or so...

 Thanks, Jody. Needed some wisdom.

I agree with everything Jody said and even told my dad the same thing as she when he said I had lost enough and looked bad. I really didn't look too thin until I was approaching goal and 21 BMI. During the year that followed things redistributed and I didn't look so much like a melted candle.

Let her comments roll off your back. This is called a journey for a reason and you have only just started yours. 

((hugs))

--gina

 Thanks, Gina, for the hugs and you experience. Only my middle and arms look melted and saggy.

"Are you still dieting"

"well, no, not really"

"are you going to lose more"

"maybe a little"

"I don't know from where, there isn't anything left of you"

Yeah right, I know from where.  It's started for me too.  I'm 4'10.5" and in a 10.  I still have some to go.  The high end of normal would be just fine with me.  We'll see what my body has to say about it.

 Thanks, Price. Your dialogue may help.

Thanks for sharing your vent. I was sorta guilty of being like your friend, so I have a different side to share.

When my office mate and dear friend was about 5 or 6 months out, she said she had X lbs left to lose.  I looked at her face, which really looked haggard, and how her collar bones stuck out, and how bony her fingers were, and asked "Are you SURE you have more to lose?  You really look awfully thin to me. " 

She proceeded to SHOW me where she still had fat, and needed to lose. I was dubious and expressed concern.  She got a bit upset, and we both retreated to our respective corners (like 2 feet away from one another in our office) to reconsider.

NOW... I realize she hadn't yet experienced her "redistribution" phase. She looks great now --nearly 3 years out. Her face filled back in, her fingers are slim but not bony.  But for awhile there.... she looked gaunt.  

That redistribution thing is an important time..... non WLS folks don't understand that it's all part of the journey. I hope if and when I get the same questions as you got, I can be as gracious at keeping my tongue still as you did.
tracey

 Thanks. I forget about redistribution, just want to get rid of the fat.

I am in the process of hearing the same thing, No you look great please dont lose any more weight, UGH! We have done this to get healthy! Stay strong they will come around in no time.