Really bothers me....have a feeling this was aimed at me!

I thought I would come here and see what you all thought, This was posted as a status update by my best friend of 34 years who has been heavy just about all her life! I also have a feeling that she had been drinking and can get very snarky when she does. I often comment about food, like making beef stroganoff in the crockpot so I can come home late and have dinner ready after riding my horse, my run in with a cadbury egg, a post over a month ago about a restaurant I seen on the travel channel about a local place that serves an Elk Burger etc....you get the picture.

So I happen to see this only because I checked her page and I rarely do.

Here is what she says:

Okay this is just an observation,...I am noticing this more and more especially with friends and just random people really, why is it that when we lose any amount of weight, especially a good amount of weight do we now feel it is okay to talk about food? We couldn't before when we were heavier? What's that about!!!???

 Again, this is just an observation,....I have been noticing it more and more especially with women, it's like when they were fat they were too embarrassed to talk about food, now it's okay that you have lost some weight? Food is nothing to be embarrassed about, after all ladies we all need to eat!!!!!!

Whether or not it was directed at your comments, I actually agree with her.  I've always said that as an overweight woman I was not allowed to shop for, discuss or eat food in public, but that as an average (or dare I say "skinny) woman, I can eat fried chicken and no one thinks twice about it.  I don't think that you have any reason to find her comment offensive, and it makes sense that you would post more about food.  Meal-planning and mindful eating is a big part of your life now, and so it's ok to discuss it.  I don't actually find her comment "snarky," although I understand how you feel, like when I was having a bad day and a fellow WLS-friend posted that I should "have a cookie" to make me feel better.  What a *****

I don't think your friend was trying to be insulting.  It seems like she's just trying to make herself more comfortable with her own weight and eating habits, so try not to worry about it too much unless she starts making other comments.

Thanks Danielle! I guess it got to me because even when I was heavy I talked about food and was never embarrassed about saying so. She's always had my back 100% but since my weight loss she rarely speaks to me anymorre.

It's really difficult for our friends and families to watch us go through this transformation (even if they want what's best for us) for many reasons.  Some are afraid of the physical and emotional difficulties we face, some fear losing us and think that we'll change, and some are jealous and wish that they could lose weight and change their lives too.  It's a tough journey, and unfortunately the jealousy, snarky comments and judgment are things that will follow you for a long time.  You will grow a somewhat thicker skin, and it will happen less as you get further out, but it's always tough to watch friends push us away because of the decision to have surgery.  Hopefully you will meet equally-special and infinitely more supportive new friends to be part of your new life!

This a big change for our friends and family. I was a year out in Jan. I lost my goal weight in 6 mo. This was something that was very hard on lots of people. I can't even start to tell you how many "friends" I have lost since Jan a year ago. I had one "friend" tell me I was a better person when I was heavy. Now, since we are couple friends her husband isn't allowed around mine. It's very sad. But I have learned more than I can say since all this has happened. IF they can't see the new me as the same old person I use to be, I don't need them. I haven't changed other than I wear smaller clothes. I don't walk around showing off, or sticking it in any ones faces. I am me, take it or not! We are who we are...

Thanks Loulou!

Ya know what's so funny? SHE was really the only friend I had. Being married for 21 years, you tend to sink into a married life. Plus we are self employed. I joined a riding group of about 30 women and another riding group that was family orientated. Only 1 of those 60 or so people knew me "before" so it's kind of cool to not be judged or looked at as the girl who lost all that weight!  I've told a few because my confidence with horse has changed a complete 360 due to the loss.

Thanks Loulou!

Ya know what's so funny? SHE was really the only friend I had. Being married for 21 years, you tend to sink into a married life. Plus we are self employed. I joined a riding group of about 30 women and another riding group that was family orientated. Only 1 of those 60 or so people knew me "before" so it's kind of cool to not be judged or looked at as the girl who lost all that weight!  I've told a few because my confidence with horse has changed a complete 360 due to the loss.

I know exactly what you are saying, my daughter is in club ball, and I have made a lot of new friends, ALL that know me as I am now vs the OLD me. I just told my husband a weekend ago, the same thing, that not only has the been good for our daughter meeting new friends from other schools but for me too. I was starting to feel pretty depressed...that I was without friends. Now I can honestly say I am feeling good again. Do what you have to do for you....meet new people. If she is your real friend she will be back and like you, for you. If not, it's her loss. It has been tough for me but I had to figure that out too! Good luck!

I can appreciate why you might feel put off by your friend's post. It does sound like she is jealous. It can be hard to watch a friend achieve a major weight loss while you continue to struggle. I don't like her tone but I agree with her comments that overweight people often get the message that they are not allowed to think about, talk about or enjoy food in public. If I was in your shoes, I would ask her if she was talking about you and invite her to join you in a compassionate, open conversation. That might not be right for you. If you can let it go, that's fine too. The important question is whether she deserves and has the ability to be your friend. Something to investigate.

Amy

Thanks Amy! And I think she is prone to jelousy, especially when she drinks, I remember her as a mean drunk.

I admit I have always been judgemental of overweight people eating bad things in public. And worse when I was heavy. Now show me a heavy person eating healthy and like so many of us we think, "good for you". I won't lie. Been there, done that!