counseling: session 2

I started counseling and have had 2 sessions so far. The first session I did not like at all because I think I intimidated her with so much crying and seriously dragged my feet to go back for a second time since I am struggling severely with body dysmorphia and it is controlling a lot of my life. 
 
I'm so glad I went back because it was great, she interpreted me and everything I was trying to say. She noticed how I am very black and white with my life, as in, if I'm not at my goal weight I am fat, if I'm not wearing enough make-up I am ugly etc. etc. Towards the end she said "How can you like someone you don't even know?" I started crying because it was SO true. I don't like myself, I don't know myself, I don't know what I want out of life, I don't know who I want to be and so forth. I don't have any  friends who inspire me or who help me grow in any way, my friends are girls who sleep with each others boyfriends and who go out to the bars 4 nights a week. I don't want to be like that and I need to get away from them.  

So now my homework is to figure out things I enjoy doing and hobbies I can start (since my "hobby" for the last 5 years has been food). Exercise is one of them but I'm still trying to figure out what else to try.

in my counseling i also discovered that i'm a black/white thinker!  i have 2 speeds....stop and go.  and i'm that way with everything!  and i've discovered that this is why i yoyo dieted for so many years!  i could lose weight....i could gain weight.....maintenance was not black/white...it was not stop/go.....it was a gray area.  it helped me so much to find out that my mind set is that way about almost everything.....not just food issues!

so happy this session went better for you!!!  you will have lots of "light bulb" moments!!!

Do you like animals? You can volunteer at the Animal Shelter - they always need help with taking pictures, grooming animals, petting them, or walking them - and if you can be a volunteer dog walker, that will meet some of your exercise requirements too.

Also, there is a good book out there called 48 hours to the new job or the new you, it's recommended by Dave Ramsey - and I went on the 48 hours site and it's cool how it helps you to determine what your dream job is.

I am impressed with what you are doing, Rebecca Ann. You have taken a big step. Please be gentle with yourself. Self-growth is not a linear process. There are ups and downs and in-betweens. So much of it happens when we let go of the old trapeze bar and the next one is not yet in sight. The growth happens while we feel like we are hurtling through the air.

If you allow it, you will begin to create new possibilities and say good-bye to the "all or nothing" approach. As to your friends, I get the feeling a change is coming. I love your homework assignment. I often felt like there was no room in my life - food took up all the space. I am changing that step by step. Today, I started a belly dancing class at this great music/cultural center. It was a perfect way to strengthen and loosen up my core but more important, it was something new and different. The instructor was fun and the women in the class were super nice. Sometimes you just have to go for it! It does not have to be the perfect thing. I hope you give something new a try.

You are a wonderful person, Rebecca Ann. Keep the faith!

Amy