I have a how-to-deal -with a female question to ask y'all

I've never been very good at sussing out women . the serious negotiations that take place between women in ladies rooms .. YIKES . Alien territory to me

So I would VERY MUCH appreciate some advice on a longstanding problem .

My part-time housekeeper of many years is a sixty-something year old lady from Poland, an ex-doctor in her own country .

I think part of her resents having to clean toilets ( she SAYS so loud and often lol and refuses to clean corners lol ) . She has a lot of anger which she takes out on my machines ( the knobs regularly need to be replaced )

This is all OK. The one thing I CANT live with is that she makes my running tights disappear .

I think its an Im younger than her richer than her have men around etc ...issue ... for some reason she takes it out on the running tights . I have this thing where I take them off I say this is where they belong - because i dont want to spend a n HOUR looking for my bra my walkman , etc etc... so i keep them in one spot ...

the nextday .. the tights are GONE

I have to tear up the house looking for them

this goes on at least twice a week

I just found my winter running tights stuffed behind my landlord's computer , in the bottom of the ironing basket under all the starches and sizing and under an old cleaning rag of Ewa's I threw out years ago which she obviously rescued . THERE is NO WAY ANYONE but she went there .

I don't want to fire her or even threaten to .. shes an older lady and even though shes grumpy and a Character with a capital C and hardly cleans .. I LOVE her ....

but this has GOT to stop ... what can I say that will finally WORK ?! I think she's PARTICULARLY angry because she's been after me to pay for a facelift for her but honestly I don't have the money to pay for so many necessary things for MYSELF ..... I don't think she believes me though ...

I already handle pretty much everything to do with her car ..like the oil changes and maintenainnce and tires and rescuing her ( and paying the mechanic's bill) when she breaks down ...

I helped her son when he needed it ... but I can't possibly do this especially not right now . Its a TOTALLY inappropriate request anyway lol !! ( though understandable )

The truth with design business is we may get a lot of STUFF in lieu of payment but we get very little cash ... and plastic surgeons don't get paid in barter ...

Mini - Are you sure this is a person you want/need in your life?  It does not sound like a healthy relationship at all from the way you describe it.  She seems manipulative, deceiptful, and "all about me". 

In this case, you are the employer.  You have the right to require certain actions - like a housekeeper that cleans.  If your expectations are not met, you can either ****nd the relationship or (2) Sit down, remind her of your expectations, and let her know that she has one shot left or the employment relationship is over.

I know it's hard when you've developed a personal bond ... but, it does't sound like that bond is being reciprocated.  so, are you really losing anything by ending it?

I don't really have any advice for you, but after reading your post my sore arm feels alot better.  I would find a better place to put my running clothes, somewhere she doesn't go.  I don't think this is a battle you can win.  Unless you fire her, you're going to have to put up with her idiosyncrasies.  You must have the patience of a saint.

If you really want to keep her, hide your running cloths.  If not, have that talk and offer her an option to change then if she doesn't, fire her.

How long has she been your housekeeper? In other words, how long have you already tolerated this behavior?

I suspect if it's been longer than 3-6 months, you aren't gonna change it now so you have one of three options. Either put your running clothes and anything else you do not want her to hide in a place where she does not go or "retire" her and find a new housekeeper or just live with it.

If she is in her mid 60's, retiring her really might be the way to go. That way she doesn't have the embarressment of being fired so she keeps her dignity.

Liz

due to the fact that she's been with you doing all this for many years.....the odds are....you will never be able to really change her.  she's gotten away with all this for years and to stop it now will be next to impossible.  she needs to treat you with respect....i know i'm old (52) but i'll always remember my daddy telling me that i always needed to do the very best job i could...because if i didn't....there'd always be someone to replace me! 

i'm sure...with today's economy there would be lots and lots of folks that would love to work for you!  she shouldn't  treat you this way!  i hate to see anyone lose their job but.....i also hate it when someone is taken advantage of!!!!

sending blessings and well wishes your way!!  you ROCK for putting up with this for this long!!!

 Thank you very much for the input .  Its  so different and instructive seeing the situation from another person's perspective .

The truth is  i feel very responsible for her but she IS  quite the survivor -  she makes a Great living working one day a week as a Sabbath goy  turning on and off  people's  stoves, flushing their toilets , turning  on air conditioners and so forth ... probably berating them  too the whole time like she does me lol ... .  

She would do OK without me... and she may have to if I  move out to Long Island  eventually  .  One of her Other  clients  gives her a free apartment  to live in too so her bills are practically nonexistent .
But then  again , so is her social security ... you can't help but worry about an older person who  is alone here  in this country .  Anyway she will always have me to call.in an emergency .. and she knows it ! 

Thanks again