Dealing with anger

On the main forum someone posted about her changes in mood.  After thinking about what she and the other posters were saying, I realized that this is what has happened to me, and wanted to share...

I know that the collapsing of the fat cells releases estrogen, and after WLS we're all on an emotional roller coaster as our bodies adjust, but I think alot of it is far deeper.  I depended on food for years to medicate me when I was feeling down, angry, lonely, happy, you name it, whatever emotion, food was there for me.  Now, it's not.  So I'm left to deal with all these emotions in a new way, and sometimes the fact that I don't have the food to help, it makes me angry.  I was also taught to suppress negative feelings, which was done by eating, so now it's a whole new world. 

Also, as we become more healthy and look better our self confidence increases and we don't have the same tolerance or expectation of unacceptable behavior toward us or others. 

So, It's a lot of different things.  We can start with looking at our medications, vitamins and supplements, but it's also a new life, warts and all.

 Oh Yeah !!  Its kind of funny  ... at first I kind of shut down and refused to do anything  BUT lose weight (  which was fine )  .... then eventually  started working  again which was  when i realized I had medicated  away so much inappropriate  anger expectations etc  with food  ...

. I found that  excess  food- less I was a basically an overly  demanding perfectionist ,  an occasional screamer  , occasionally verbally abusive  and because of that often ACCEPTING  of occasional verbal abuse and raised voices  myself ....  

Overeaters Anonymous REALLY  helped me  begin to deal with these  issues , particularly  writing the steps  and  I became a  far better boss  and  ( i think)  easier  to live and work with human being  immediately after I wrote and shared  my fourth step .  

I also became  a lot more easy on myself  as I became more understanding and accepting of others  ... and learned that rather than trying to change people  my real options are  to stay  or to go and find  companions and an environment more suitable to me now .

I learned to say  NO  loudly  and often when  the ( million)  men around me  would  attempt to overtalk me  or shout   or push  or bully  ....  I actually  learned to say  NO  U CAN"T  talk to me like that .

About six  NOS  later  , they started to get  it ( same rate of training as a Doberman lol ) . A week later  he'd  get  frustrated and the bad old habit would rear its  ugly head and I'd have to say  NO  again ...  but  less forcefully this time .  

Its actually  made my work relationships a LOT better  because  my accepting it  and  justifying  from THIS man made  all the  OTHER men  VERY uncomfortable  ....and  ( who knew ?! )  I was in control of the mess  all along  only I didn't know it ....  

Consistency  , rewards for good behavior  , and knowing what U want and need  WORK.  

We get  thrown off  true  by our  food addiction and our debilitated health  .. its like a  downward spiral .     Its not THAT easy to come out of it either -  one area i'm still working on is  finances and earning what i deserve ....

but my worst  day  now is  so much better than my BEST days  before  

Oh yes, very wise words.  It's amazing at almost 60 years of age, how I have so much more to learn about myself.  You are doing so good.  And you are right, it does take the same amount of time as training a dog. 

I think I need to hunt down the AOA --- ANGRY Overeaters Anonymous and get a card quickly!  Pre-op and haven't lost but a few pounds in the weeks getting ready for this and the anxiety/stress surrounding the final weeks to surgery are causing lots of issues in my life.  (work and home) 

I'm scheduling an appointment with the psych affiliated with my surgeon's program ASAP and going to work with him throughout the next six months. 

My Program has 2 post-op support meetings per month so maybe those will take the place of one-on-one meetings with the pscyh... will just have to see.

Are you going to support meetings, Lucycat?

Hi, We don't have support meetings in Lewiston.  So I get my support from this forum and a few close friends.  I'm glad you have on-site support available to you.  What kind of stress and anxiety are you experiencing.  I spent the final two weeks on a liquid diet, and kind of lived in a fog.  I'm a supervisor and manager and fortunately everyone understood. 

I'm very happy that I found this forum, too!!!   There are gems here!  I wonder if there might be others in your area you could connect with, too?  I think the "in person" connection is important.

I have a feeling the liquids are coming soon for me - just got approval this week and am waiting for a call from the financial folks to finalize payment of my portion - then off to scheduling.  These past couple months I've been testing with some EAS protein drinks and I do well with 2 per day and a meal... I am ready for this to be scheduled!! 

Glad your office was understanding -- that is one of my biggest challenges now.  A bit of micro-managing going on and that drives me insane.  I feel like everything I'm responsible for has been taken away.  It's a challenging environment when I'm 100% ... so now I feel like I'm 75% into it and it's really been a struggle!  I do not manage people -- just data and I must not be doing THAT very well lately!   I am the constraint of the process as I have no backup / assistance.  So by being stressed out and voicing it I guess I've asked for the micro-management...glad you posted this Lucy --- now I think I understand what is happening at work a bit more!!!  I asked for help...and they gave it to me by relieving my responsibility and making it a group thing.

When did you tell folks at work about your procedure???  did you go into great detail?

Hang in there!!!

I told the rest of the management team and my staff about my surgery when I went for my first appointment with my surgeon.  I wanted everyone to hear about it from me and not be gossiping and speculating about my weight loss.  They have all been very supportive,bringing in food I can eat during our Christmas potluck.  I'm very fortunate that I haven't had very many negative comments.  Because the further I am in this journey the mouthier I get. 

I also get my support from this group..actually it's my only support group.

You raise a really important issue about emotions. I have been an emotional and stress eater since I was 5 years old. Food has helped me manage intense emotions like anger and hurt. I look at this post op period when I am not able to engage in that behavior as an opportunity to find new ways to comfort myself. For example, I just started a book called "50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food" by Susan Albers. For me, I need the practical advice and then I need to practice the advice! A part of that coping strategy is reaching out to my wonderful group of LW friends like you.

Amy