Need some advice RE a friend's daughter

Ah, I know this kind of frustration first-hand.  I experience it every day with people I'm trying to help.  And it's even worse with family & friends, because the lines are blurred well beyond professional boundaries, of course.  

I'd echo that you have to remind yourself that her success is her responsibility and not yours.  You don't need to carry guilt over whatever happens with her.  At the same time, your concern is valid, and I'd be scared, too. 

With help, I find it helpful to visualize opening a door for someone.  You can hope and pray that they will walk through it and that you've given them what they need to do so, but the walking, the pace, and whether or not they move at all is up to them.  You have to be able to find integrity in the opening process.  That imagery helps, too, because it leaves you open, rather than frustrated, to the possibility that she will walk through.  

I've had a few experiences where I've pushed people through the door.  Somehow they bounce right back out - it rarely if ever works!  At least, not in the long run. 

Good luck. I hope that we'll all be utterly surprised and delighted by the ways she'll move ahead.  It can happen!

Bonnie,
Good luck in trying to help her.  It sounds like she really things this is the easy way to get rid of the weight!!  She is in for a surprise.  This is one of the most time consuming things I've ever done.  Don't get me wrong, I love my RNY and would do it again in a heartbeat, but you sure have to be very committed to taking care of yourself and following the guidelines.

Her surgeon does not require any classes or anything like that?  I don't know what kind of surgeon or program that is because it has got to be setting their patients up for failure.

I wonder if her mom could intervene with the doctors office maybe.  If I knew my daughter was going to do this and I didn't think she was mentally and physically ready, I know I would contact the doctor whether it would do any good or not.  Atleast I would have tried.  I know that is not your responsibility. 

I guess all you can do is support her and be there for her when she finally realizes this is a lot harder than she thought.  I hope they give her the correct vitamins and importance of that.

Let us know how she does.  Good luck.

Linda

No I think I lead you all astray a bit. She DID go through a 6 month program, however, the program that I recommended to her would not take her unless she did 6 additional months of psych work BEFORE they accepted her. So she DID at least go through a 6 month program (but I have no idea what was involved). She starts her liquid diet today-surgery in two weeks.

Hey Bonnie as I was reading Kathymn's post about this book I was thinking of this post you made.  Maybe you could buy this book for your friends daughter???  Just a suggestion!  :D
Here is a link to Kathys post!

Thanks. I surely will read it and perhaps gift it to her.

Bonnie, the old adage, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink applies here. You're leading, she's that horse...Don't get all upset if she doesn't drink. We want to but believe me, at that age, it's like talking to a brick wall.

Liz