Need some advice RE a friend's daughter

This is about you now. Learn about and take care of you

The remnant stomach and duodenum are usually fine and will start working again as they did before. Don't think about this possibility right now. Think in terms of making your surgery work for you to take the weight off and keep it off. You want to learn about keeping your body as healthy as possible with protein and vitamins and enough fluids.

--g
 

You are right, of course. Thanks for the reality check, Gina

G-
One of my goals for the new year..... getting up to speed on how all of this works and learning ways to maximize my health given my newly adapted body.... and dealing with other changes in my body I've been ignoring for quite a while.
Thanks for the push, whether you intended it or not.
K

 She is lucky to have you, but it is a great burden on you. She has to take responsibility. I spent 9 months in therapy to get ready (and I am old, 64, and desperate) with co-morbidities. When I have shared with friends, they always have a failure story for me AND those are usually young women. My dog sitter has a roommate who gained all her loss back. Her roommate was not willing to work and wanted everything in sight, with no thought to consequences.

I had to go to a "center of excellence" for the surgery to be covered. It annoyed me, because it meant a long prep time at a distant hospital, nutrition, psychological testing, seminars, support groups, endoscopy, and lots of blood work. The end result has been worth it so far. How will her surgery be paid for? Maybe a financial investment will help her to understand how life changing (good and bad) WLS really is.

I have no real advice, but want you to know you tried to steer her in the right direction. You are a good friend and have done all you can. You have told her the truth and shown a good example of the hard work needed to use our tool effectively. Does she know about supplements for life (both cost and inconvenience)? Blood work forever (I hate needles)? ANYWAY, after all my rambling, you are not her keeper, just support.

Gina, we never even got to the vitamin thing!!!!! I just told her it was a life long committement.


I told her my decision came from desperation and having tried EVERYTHING else. And STILL I struggle with eating on a daily basis. I went 6 months longer than recommended as well cause I know the weight is only a symptom. '

I also entreated her about having children and the need to take care of her body for the sake of the baby she may have in the future. I fear she wasn't hearing me. Unfortunately, her mom was and she's sick with worry.

Bonnie,

How reuptable is the surgeon she has chosen?  Can you make a call to the surgeons office and tell them of your concern for her lack of commitment?  As we all know every surgeon is different when it comes to requirements some are more rigid while others tend to be more lax.....her surgeon may be hearing things from her that may not be truthful.....I have never heard of anyone being approved for surgery without a psych eval......unless she chose someone who isn't part of the Centers for Excellence......however, I'm in MN and all of our bariatric programs are Centers of Excellence....I'm just thinking outloud......take what you want from this......LOL

I don't have much faith in her program and told her that. However, I would NEVER call her surgeon. First, with HIPPA, he/she couldn't respond. Second, I could get sued and Third, that would be a terrible invasion of her privacy. I believe we all need to walk our own paths and learn from our mistakes.

She did have a psych eval but the recommonendation at my program was for 6 more months of surgery pre op. Her current program thought the one visit was enough. 

BTW: I don't hold much faith in "Centers of Excellence" either. That, from what I understand, is simply a designation to get to work with certain insurance companies.  A local surgeon I know is part of a "Center of Excellence," and I would literally not send a dog to him.

Again I was just rambling.....not really "thinking" about what I was saying......sorry if I offended!

BTW my understanding of the Centers of Excellence deligation is it is not a term used to represent the surgeon or his practice it is meant to represent the facility the surgery will be performed in.  Basically a way of making sure the hospital is able to properly care for the morbidly obese.  Therefore I used the term inproperly in my previous post.......sorry.....In my experience with the surgeons I've looked into they tend to follow a certain guiding principle when it comes to pre surgical requirements that follow aa pretty stringent line......My surgeon requires many things that several insurance providers don't even require because they know it is what is best to prepare all of thier patients for surgery and life after.  It's too bad she has chosen to utilize what I would consider to be a shady program.

Linda did bring up a good point about her mother taking steps to protect her daughter.  She could mention her concerns to her daughter and ask to see the surgeon with her to clarify any questions she might have about her aftercare considering she most likely will be the one "taking care of her" when she is fresh out of the hospital???  My surgeon gave my mother an opportunity to ask questions before he cut me open......however he believes in including family in the decision making process because he wants to know his patients will have support from thier loved ones as well.......Again just a thought......

Bonnie,
Everyone is making good points, but what Heather said really made sense to me. Maybe it's because I have kids this age and it's true that they have a tendency to have magical thinking and on top of that they think they are invincable and nothing bad will happen to them. This girl seems on the less mature side and I don't think there is much you can do.  The advice Heather gave is right on on all counts.  All you can do is be there when she asks. Don't break your neck taking the initiative to help her, eg,  bringing her vitamins and protein suppliments, ordering things for her, etc. My guess is she won't take them anyway.  On the other hand, if she really seems to be coming around and is following doctor's orders, by all means give her the positive reinforcement and help her as much as you want. 
My biggest concern is that you not feel responsible or guilty in any way if she fails at this. You have a big heart but you can only help people who are ready to help themselves.
Kathy

(((HUGS))) and Prayers....it sounds like you are going to need a lot of both!