OT.....New Roomie!

Recently I posted about my dream man......He has been wanting to move out of the city and had heard that one of the schools in this area was great for paramedic training.......before he was laid off from his job I had extended an offer to him to move in here until he found a place and got settled in with a new job.  At the time I had just found out my oldest daughter had lost her virginity while I was at work and the stresses of watching her sister were taking a pretty big toll on her.  My thinking was having this big stong scary man in the house to scare away the boys was perfect!  And as I had said before he was great with Halle.  We live in a split level that has a pretty good size family room that he could have for himself along with a 1/2 bath.  I would have the peace of mind that my girls were safe and Aura was not doing things that were completely inappropriate.  He was game but a bit leary at the same time.....since it would be a huge change from what he was used to as far as being out of the city. 

WELL he asked me last night if my offer was still open because the person he lives with now is selling her house.  Of course I said yes!  I know this could end disasterously if I don't keep my feelings in check but at the same time my need for his help is so dire at this point.  He has offered to buy the groceries, pay me $300/mo rent and help out with the girls.  I'm not where I would like to be finacially and this would help out as well!  Not to mention I could actually get some sleep.....I'd have a fantastic personal trainer living under my roof to kick my butt in gear and guide me in ther right direction.......So for me the PROS definitely outweigh the CONS!  And who knows after living with the man for awhile he may drive me crazy enough that my feelings will go away........LOL  The plan is for him to come out here while I am on vacation the week between x-mas and new years and move stuff around to make room for his stuff and clean out the garage so I can store some of my stuff and maybe even beable to park my car in there too!.......LOL  Then sometime after the new year he will move his stuff in. 

So other than telling me this is a bad idea does anyone have any advice as to what I can do to ensure that our friendship will last.  He is currently looking for work in DE where he is from origonally so who knows how long he will actually be staying with us.  I just can't let a friend live life not knowing where they will be the next day...especially when he has a son who needs him too!

One other thing that made me feel like we are truely friends is a comment he made to me last night.  As long as I have known Pat (8yrs) he has always told me he doesn't trust many people and it takes him a long time usually years to REALLY let anyone into his world.  Friends, girlfriends, even family......so when he said to me "I want you to know I trust you, you've earned it, and you are a real friend to me and a truely great person" I was touched! 

wow my heart is twittering just thinking of the perdicament you are in.  And I mean that in a good way. You must be bouncing off the walls and glowing from ear to ear!  Well I would say not to just go throw yourself at him but then again that has worked sometimes.  If he trusts you as a friend that's super.  think, would you be willing to risk the friendship that could be lifelong by telling him how you feel?  hmmm.   Let him move in and see how it goes but definetely you may have to tell him someday or make the first move.  Judge him that way.  Would he be one of those types that you would have to do that with?  if he is then the ball is in your court and you can pick the right time (if ever) that you want to tell him how you feel.  I've been there too and chose to keep them as friends.  they are still my best friends today.  We could have tried and missed and he would have moved on from me.  I like the choice I made with my friends.  But he seems to need someone as a friend first so you now have the oportunity to be his best friend now which puts you one up on all the other competition.  Be his friend for now.

good luck!!!

That is the plan......I am definitely not a "move maker" so any change in our relationship would come from him......He isn't stupid he knows I have feelings for him.....he also knows I won't do anything to ruin our friendship and that is first and foremost!  The great thing about our relationship is we have both been very open about everything.  I know if he chooses to pursue me he will tell me outright that that is what he wants and if I shoot him down there will be no hard feelings between the two of us.  Thankfully we are both the type of people who have always been able to maintain friendships with the people we've dated without akwardness afterward.......So I basically think we have such a strong foundation in our friendship to begin with that no matter how things proceed we will always be friends.......know what I mean?

What a super opportunity!  There are not many people who get to live together when they are not in a relationship to find out those nasty little things that drive you up the wall!!! LOL, if someone told me that my husband has this amazing disorder ahead of time that makes it impossible to put clothes in a hamper, well, at least I would have been prepared! 

All kidding aside, there are always growing pains when living with someone else regardless if it is a relation**** but as long as you guys CLEARLY define what "help out with the kids" means, etc, then it could be a really good situation.  I think it gets tough, when things are not clearly defined.  Also, when he will "buy groceries" do you get to make the list or is he capping the budget at a certain place?  Just questions or things I would bring up casually so that there are none of those unnecessary frustrations after the move has already taken place.

Sounds like it could work out great though, but I would just get things as clear as possible up front.

I know talk about a perfect opportunity huh???.......LOL

I will definitely find out what he is willing to contribute and go from there.......I certainly don't want to take advantage of his willingness to help me out either.  Just having a male presence in my home at this point is what I consider helping out......LOL 

The great thing about his eating habits is that we are both very similar in what we like to eat.  He loves my cooking too, so I think as far as groceries go we should be good.  I was thinking we could make a list of the things the houshold needs and split the cost.  I will buy the things my youngest daughter needs and if he wants anything special he can buy that himself....it is definitely something we will talk about. 

I appreciate your suggestions!  From the number of views this post has gotten without responses I have a feeling there is alot of "golden rule" following going on......LOL

Communication is the key to any relationship. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

well 1st, i think that is so sweet of u to be there for him and offer a roof over his head. it kinda kills 2 birds in one stone too ur helping him and hes helping you . and it is a good idea to live together and not be in a relationship. if it happens naturally and meant to be , then it will happen . i assume you trust him whole heartily with ur daughters, and is a good man.
im sorry about ur oldest daughter losing her most sacred thing. my daughter came and told me when she was in her late 20's and i cried lololol
things always happen for a reason
but anywayyyy good luck

Hi Heather!

This has to feel great and exciting and so much more!  I feel the flutter, too.  :)

Here's my suggestion:  why not set this up as a trial period?  Agree to check in with each other at regular intervals about how it's going for each/both of you, what could be better/worse, etc.?  Then say that you'll try it for 3 months, and if everything's great for that period, then you extend it to 6 mos, etc.  At some point, it may become natural to stop setting periods.  Then again, it may not. 

Blessing a period of trial or experimentation is a good and healthy way to transition into something so dramatic.  Y'all are best friends, and you want to stay that way - possibly more, too, right?  Intentionality is a great thing.  

OK, counseling hat goes back off.  

Have fun!