Dream Man likes "thick girls".....

The real question is did you like yourself "thick"?  I'm guessing you did this surgery for yourself.  He will either come around or you will remain good friends and you will meet someone else romantically.  It's not about thick or thin, it's about compatibility.

Interesting post....

I had this conversation with my new guy.  He stated right upfront in his profile he liked slim women.  So after he learned about my weight loss, which didn't bother him, I asked him if I were 80 lbs heavier, would he have dated me.  He said "no, probably not after the first lunch".  He said he wouldn't have taken the time to get to know me because I didn't meet the body type he was attracted to... yes, that hurt my feelings...  And this is from a guy that is quite big himself....

So - we had the conversation again a little later and he admitted it again, but this time he admitted that he would have missed out on the love of his life because he wouldn't have gotten to know me, the inside of me, and it would have been his own fault.  I've got him hook, line and sinker now.  And I honestly know that if I gain weight, he isn't going to leave me over it (lets hope and pray I don't!).

But then I stopped and asked myself that if a thin man had said that would I have been upset about it?  I had to honestly tell myself no - I wouldn't have, because a thin man may have been expected to have those requirements.... whereas a heavier man should be more understanding..  I know, double standards...

So - we're working on HIS weight.... he needs to lose 50 lbs....

See that is where I'm coming from as well.  Even when I was obese I had a certain type.  I still do.  I believe in physical attraction and I think it is a big part of any relationship. I am not attracted to slim men nor am I attracted to obese men.  Call me superficial........I don't care!   I have let a few good men slip through my hands because of this......however, I don't regret my decision not to continue dating these men.  In fact I look for what I now see in them in every man I date. 

Pat is a fantastic man and the total package.  He was my friend when I was obese and he is my friend now.  He was married when I first met him but he was my ideal when it came to looks.  He is tall 6'4" very muscular (body builder) but all that aside he is probably the sweetest man I know.  Halle adores him and he adores her.  Aura thinks he is cool as hell!  He praises me as a mother all the time.  He tells me he admires me for being the mom that I am.  If I'm down he brings me up.  He tells me how pretty I am everytime he sees me......in fact he tells me I'm HOT!.......I know he isn't ready for a relationship right now and he is enjoying being single.  His life has been in quite a shambles lately and he is trying to get it in order.  I know he has feelings for me as more than a best friend but he isn't ready to pursue those feelings because he is afraid of ruining our friendship.  As much as I tell myself it's about looks I know it isn't.  That is just what I want to think.....I have a hard time accepting my best friend doesn't want to have a romantic relationship with me........and I still hope he changes his mind.  So for now I wait patiently to see if he changes his mind......it may take him dating all those young big bootied girls who are stupid and superficial for him to see what he has right in front of him.......I'll be honest as much as I hate being alone I don't see any man jumping on this ride anytime soon.  I come with a TON of bagage and it will take a special man to deal with it.  Honestly he provides me with everything else.........it's just the intimacy that is missing........we've even gone down that road in the past......but we BOTH felt it wasn't right.......so here I sit.......with the man of my dreams in front of me and we both have intimacy issues...........LOL  How screwed up is that???
I appreciate your opinion Jody......

The strangest thing happended to me:

-  When I met hubby I was thin - 143 lbs... just where I like to be
-  Hubby seems to be very attracted to slim women back then and now, they are the ones, and the sexy (not so skinny) ones that seem to turn his eye
-  We fell in love and over the next 10 years I yo-yo dieted myself up to my highest of 230 lbs
-  He never once made me feel bad or stopped loving me, or pressured me to lose weight...
-  He was ok to have an eating buddy, and our sex life was good
-  I got the surgery for me, but also to get back down to the slim I thought hubby prefered
-  Although I know he is happy for me, and likes that I am more confident, I don't think he really gives a hoot what weight I am...
-  Now THAT surprised me, how could that be??  I know he is a good man, and I am so glad he has always been attracted to my inside, but I admit I was a bit disappointed with his reaction to my weight loss...
-  Men and Women are so funny!
-  I am thrilled with my weight loss, I feel and look better than I have in years, I am proud of my new body and confidence, it matters to ME way more than it seems to matter to my sweet hubby...  he still jumps my bones and loves me and that is all that really matters.

That is a great story Cindy!  I love to hear those "no matter what" kinds of stories.......

Heather, I think in time he will come around...just be patient.  It sounds like he is a really great man and would make you very happy.  I bet he just needs some more single time and like you said, he needs to get his life in order.   If not him then I hope you meet a different "man of your dreams" because you deserve to loved and adored by someone awesome!!

Heather, friendship is a great way to start a relationship.  Maybe once he gets used to you being the size you are he will feel differently.  I hope so if he is the one you really want!!

My DH has been through  all of my weight up and down over the last 32 years.  I've never been this small and he is proud of me, but he tells me that he really misses my butt!!  Go figure....

Linda

 I'm going to tell U what U dont want to hear  which is what U already know .. that hes not that into U  .

Its  Ok  .. time to move on.    A  man has to be CRAZY   about U   to  commit to U fully and that  means he has to be in LUST  FIRST  .  Hes politely telling U hes NOT .    Its not that he has intimacy issues  or anything else  ....  he is not in LUST with U .  

Lukewarm relationships  almost NEVER work out except among eighty- year olds .

There are a MILLION  fishes in the sea  and most of us are just too  darn LAZY ( or afraid of sometime  rejection  which is a PART  of dating  - hello)  to go out n meet a significant amount of em .  

I promised myself i would date   fifty eligible bachelors  I was attracted to before i got into  a relationship .( or had sex even)  

I dated THREE  and i got married .

Right now , honestly , Im regretting being so hasty ...... 

 I WILL  say this  .. if there's  the smallest chance he DOES have unresolved  feelings for U   ..

Ur dating OTHER  men  will bring them out .      The  woman ( or man) who hangs out on the sidelines hoping for a  " rebound "  romance or some crumbs of attention is NEVER    respected by anybody , but PARTICULARLY not  MEN.

Men  value U at the  price U put on Urself . 

 If U are to busy  for his nonsense ( and trust me he KNOWS he  plays with U  and blows hot n cold -  he enjoys Ur attention and the flattering ego massage it provides  ) 

he MIGHT  just take another look  .... and say  HMM  shes more than i thought she was .  Particularly  if  other men  higher on the male totem pole than he are paying U  assiduous attention...... 

But Honestly Hun , dont count on  it  .   Meet  someone BETTER  ......

I have been with my husband for years. He has known me as thin, middle of the road and heavy! He has loved me through all these stages and he says they are what makes me. I believe that a 100% too. But we find it very funny now, when we are out and about his head seems to turn  to a "thick" female vs a thin one like me now....I think men tend to like what they don't have sometimes! We laugh about it, I can't say I don't look at other guys..and know the type that turns my head...it's him getting use to the "looks" I now get from the other men. We were just eating dinner out last weekend, and this guy (w/a date) would not stop giving me the eye....it was to much! At last my husband looked over his shoulder and said, there are places and times to do what you are doing and this isn't one of them. (we were at a very nice place). His date gave him the attitude and said if you have a problem with him looking at your wife then you shouldn't take her out in public. It's far from that, it's just how a person does it, and he was being very rude. I still haven't come to the new me of being used to this, and most of the time I don't notice until he points it out to me. I see/feel myself as the same me....
As for your friend ever seeing you as more, it can happen. My husband and I were best friends and ONLY friends for our first 4 yrs of knowing one another, we told each other every thing ...it can happen! I think we have lasted longer than some because of this too! We have the best marriage now!