Facebook Drama

So I posted this thread on fb last night, and the responses I've gotten have reminded me how much differently we have to communicate with our non-WLS friends about our weight.  If I'd posted it here, y'all would've understood. But on fb?  It hit the fan!


Status update:  I'm noticing that I'm looking a lot less bovine in my alb these days...  


One friend posted this, which I thought was hilarious:

It's nice to be pastoral without being pastural.



Then?  Then I get all of these friggin private messages - some angry - about how I was so beautiful before, etc.  

So I posted this next:

ok, I've gotten enough messages about this that I'm going to post it here: I will unfriend the next person who sends me an *angry* message about how beautiful I was when I was morbidly obese. I mean it. To the others who've sent the voluminous number of kind notes with the same message, thank you for the love, but I really don't want to hear that.  I actually did feel beautiful before. Just unhealthy. Morbid obesity is unhealthy, and I did something about it. "Support" to me is trying to get me to stop celebrating the success of my dramatic weight loss.  Real support is asking me how I feel and celebrating with me, maybe even challenging me as I get obsessive. It's not taking out your issues on me while pretending to be supportive.

 
The drama continues...

Just thought I'd share!  

I love how you put them in their place!  Either support me or I'm throwing you off my bandwagon!!!

Exactly.  It's tough, but people need to hear this and to know what real support is all about.

I totally understand what you are going through. All of my friends make little comments. I'll post something about feeling great after a workout and people start telling me that I don't need to work out, or I could stand to gain a few pounds, etc. I gained over Thanksgiving and friends were telling me I should keep going, etc. I was getting major pressure in person at our Thanksgiving get togethers to eat more, and people were actually bringing me slices of pie. Many of these people on facebook and family members are overweight or even obese, so I figure it is jealousy. Screw them! I know how I feel and I like how I look, and I will not intentionally gain weight, and I will lose the couple of pounds I gained last week.

You tell 'em, Shannon!

Someone on fb posted a really helpful nuance to this:  repeatedly pointing out "how beautiful" we were before implies that we had the surgery out of vanity.  Screw that.  

Putting it back on them is really important.  They need to claim their own demons before trying to draw us into poor health again.  

I finally went off a little in person last week when I got one too many anorexic and sickly comments. I said "I work out hard and am very strong. This is what people look like when they burn all of their body fat off. How many miles can you run without getting winded? How many push-ups can you do?" I know it was a little mean of me, but it shut them up about how sickly I was. Then I pulled half of my shirt off and flexed my arm muscle. (I may be skinny, but I have some guns lol). I refuse to take health advice from someone who weighs 400 pounds. I wouldn't have given health advice or made comments on anyone's weight when I was MO.

I say good for you.  That sounds just right to me.  People shouldn't be able to get away with this stuff.

I could totally understand how this affects you.

I waltzed by for almost a year with nothing but good comments. Then a week and a half ago my best friend of 35 years, while at a restuarant, looked over at me and said, "just please be careful, you don't need to lose anymore weight."

I told ger I want to lose 5 more lbs to hit 145! She got all weirded out. She herself is morbidly obese.

So later at her home I explained something to her and her husband. I have went over this before and I think it a good analogy for those who bring this negative BS on us.

I told them if you had never known me at all but first met me like I am today and I told you I wanted to lose 5 lbs, you wouldn't have thought twice about it. TRUE! You have seen me MO all my life and now that I'm not, it makes them uncomfortable. I feel the best I ever have and am healthier than I ever have been. So why would I be okay with being 268 lbs again.

This stuff ****** me off.

I think that what you told them is a really important point.  People don't understand how insulting it is to imply that when they say your size is "good enough" that they really mean "good enough FOR YOU."  

Rosa, I loved hearing you preach.  I love the sound of your voice and how focused, centered and mindful you are.  Maybe I will go back and listen to more when I'm not getting ready for work.  You are so incredibly beautiful!!  Maybe when I'm in NYC I can actually come and hear you and soak in the peace and mindfulness.

I really don't talk about my WLS.  For me it's been very private.  There are a handful of people who know because they are my family and friends.  I haven't been vocal about it on FB, but then again, I rarely sign in there.  I did post a more current picture and from that was able to have a conversation about WLS with a loved cousin who has 100 pounds to shed.  I was thrilled to talk to him because it was appropriate.  I work with a lot of people and didn't feel the need to share my personal life.  A few people at work who I consider my friends know about it and I figure that everyone else just guesses that I did it because I've been there for 17 years.  If an overweight person asked me straight up, I would tell them all about it so that they wouldn't think that I could achieve this solely with diet and exercise.  It never worked before as hard as I tried.  

I already have friends telling me that I really don't want to lose another 25 pounds.  But oh yeah, I do.  I just say, I didn't have this surgery to still be overweight.  At 60 years old this is about extending my life and the quality that I will enjoy.