Real examination of my own behavior

Hey all,

So far in this journey (and I am not very far along yet :) ) I have been sticking to the 'plan' and have NO desire to cheat, etc.  I am even feeling good about tomorrow at my MIL for txgving and I am just visioning my plate so I know what it will look like with a bit of turkey and a small bit of veggies if there is one prepared that looks "safe".  I plan on having a protein drink before I go, so that I know I got what my body "needs" and then just take it as it comes.

ANYWAY (I am a rambler, sorry!) so here is what I need examination for.  I grew up in a very Italian family (my mother's side) and our holidays, gatherings, visits, all were surrounded by food.  I know this logically, but even subconsciously I still live in that world.  For example, we invited friends over for brunch the other Sunday.  I made a shrimp coctail, Quische, homefries, pancakes, coffee cake, bagles with locks, a fruit salad, etc..  I ate 4 plain shrimp and 2 strawberries (totally kept to the plan and had no other cravings/desires.  BUT why did I feel the need to make all this other food?  (it was my family (2 adults/2 kids) and one other family (2 adults, 2 kids).  All that food????

NOW, on Saturday, we are inviting some of the families over (10 kids and 10 adults) for the kids to do gingerbread houses and then a fire pit outside and let the kids play at night.  Well, I have planned the meal, somewhat not even thinking about it and I am making buffalo wings, taco salad, shrimp coctail, crudite for apps, baked ziti and chicken parm with an antipasto salad and fresh bread for the meal and then someone else is bringing dessert, but I picked up some cookies in case what they brought wasn't enough.  (You all see where I am going).    I planned already I would have some shrimp again, and some veggies from the salad that I can tolerate, and be fine, but WHY do I feel the need to do this?  Is it my way or mourning food, so I am feeding it to others?  Or is it just that old way I was brought up and you feed people as a show of love?   

I DO enjoy cooking for people, and really need to learn to create a better WLS friendly foods that are much healthier but don't sacrifice taste.  I have seen Egg Face's page and the other page that the girls here create, but I haven't done enough experimenting with their recipies, etc....

Anyway, anyone relate?  I feel like I am "sabotaging" these other people, even though they are all MUCH healthier than I was, they eat regular portions, enjoy in moderation (all of those things I wish I could have done).  So is it a bad thing?? 

Insight appreciated into my psyche!!
Hope you all are having a great day!!!
Ann Marie

I have become a "foodie" since my surgery.  I think about food much more now than I did pre-op.  I watch the food network ALL. THE. TIME.  I cant eat alot of the foods but I enjoy watching it and making it for other people.  This week, I made approx 12 dozen of cookies for the holidays.  I just sent a HUGE cookie tray with Hubby to work for the guys.  I cant/wont eat any of the cookies, but I loved making them for other people.  I cant wait to put out a feast for tomorrow!  I dont know, maybe its a subconscious thing or something but I love cooking/baking/feeding people now even though I know I cant eat the majority of the stuff.   Cindy

It sounds like you're asking the right questions, Ann Marie.  

One way to test yourself, if you will, is to see how you feel about preparing delicious meals that are healthier.  Would you find the same joy in that?  

On the other hand, if you are baking family recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation, ceasing to make them would be a huge loss, and preparing them is like participating in a long line of work and love.  

It's complex!  But good for you for asking that!

I notice that I, too, take great pleasure in seeing others enjoy things I can't/won't consume.  I don't know what it's about for me.  I watched the Food Network constantly when I was home after surgery.  It didn't make me hungry, it was almost like watching a documentary about a country I haven't visited or something.

Good luck figuring that one out!

hey Ann Marie,
i too am 100% italian and come from a family of 6 growing up my mom cooked like she was cooking for an army . i too do the same there r 3 adults in my household now my dh my dd and myself and i eat very very small portions so its really like 2 in the house hold yet i still cook like there r 6 in my family lolol thanksgiving im making about 12 side dishes besides the turkey and stuffing and i jsut made 5 pies yes 55555 pies there is only gonna be 5 of us lololol im wondering about ur therory about having pleasure watching everyone eat cuz we cant eat like that i dunno

Hi Ann Marie.  I say why worry.  You enjoy cooking for everyone and are not tempted, offer healty choices that you are eating.  I'm sure your family appreciates your efforts.  No harm, no foul!!

Enjoy the holidays.

Jane

Hi Ann Marie,

Great questions to ask of yourself but I wouldn't stress too much about it.  If your family members need to lose weight and you're doing this, you can ask yourself why.

You're newly out from surgery.  Change doesn't happen overnight.  It will be interesting to see what you prepare next year this time. 

Hi Ann Marie
I am not Italian but have always cooked like I am cooking for an army.  Now that it is just my husband and me most of the time, the leftovers are overhelming and I love leftovers.  I'm not quickly getting used to how much to buy and cook. 
It will be interesting to see where we are next year.

Thanks all!  ok, i agree, i should not overthink it and see if anything between now and next year changes.

Yes my home made sauce for the ziti/parm is my Nonnie's (she passed in 1995 at 69 years old from diabetes, and co morbidities from her weight) recipe and when that smell is in the house that really is memories that i cherish, but the sauce (or gravy as she called it) itself isn't too bad if i don't put as much olive oil as she did  but the other menu items can be modified.  (next time).

We shall see but i will journal to revisit this next thanksgiving and see how i have changed!!

I went through a period where I wanted to feed people and I even started cooking and baking. I don't normally do that and it didn't last. I think it must be part of the process for some.

Hello Ann Marie...I could so relate to you and the other posts. I haven't had surgery yet (Dec. 21st) but I am cajun and in my family food was the way you celebrate and show love to each other. Every function we had revolved around the food! I remember when I first got married I would cook enough for 10 people and it was just me and my DH and he would say, my goodness, who's all THIS for!LOL Anyway, over time I did learn to decrease my portions for us but like the others said if you enjoy cooking for those you love and your not tempted then I say go for it! It's a win-win situation. You enjoy the cooking and your family enjoys the food