I need to vent...

I don't know if I will post this but I need to get it out.  I feel terrible.  I am so tired I can't function.  I don't care about my looks or clothes or anything.  I look terrible, dark circles under my eyes.  I have lost over 55 lbs and I don't care.  I am just so tired.  I can't be a mother.  I can't be a grandmother.  I haven't seen my grandbabies in weeks.  I don't have the energy.  I am a terrible girlfriend.  My boyfriend is a saint.  He is always there.  I can barely  have sex.  I can barely walk.  I barely have the energy to type this.
I am seeing a new doctor.  I have had every test known to man.  I had a revision to lengthen my common channel because I was sure the malabsorption was the cause of my problems.  My doctor sent me to a shrink because I am so depressed.  You would be depressed too if you couldn't function.  I am on a new anti depressant and it's not doing a thing.  I really just wish I was dead.  I can't live this way.  I don't want to live this way.  If it weren't for my girls I wouldn't even bother.  All I want to do is cry because I feel so sick!  No one can help me.  I feel like I should be in a nursing home because I am barely able to take care of myself.

Oh no Sweetie!  (((HUGS))) When did you start this anti-depressant? Did your doctor switch you from one to another?  Moving from one to another can be tricky.  You have to taper off of the the "old" one. I know it took me about a month before my anti-depressant started working. When I first started taking it, I had a lot of anxiety. I've always read that people are more of a suicide risk right when they first start taking it. I don't know if this is true or not--but I definitely felt like something strange was going on in my brain as it adjusted to having a new medication.  But like I said--at the one month mark--it's like I felt magically better.  So know that it could just be your body adjusting to the medication. Give yourself some time and know that this will get better!!!

Hugs,
Pam

It's been about a month. He added another antidepressant, Wellbutrin, to the Paxil I was already on, to see if that would boost it. So far it isn't helping.

Big Hugs to YOU!!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  I have a lump in my throat writing this...

Please know a couple of things from personal experience:
-  things will get better
-  you will feel better
-  your family loves you, and would never ever ever be the same if you died... please know that...
-  do whatever it takes to hang in there and feel better...
-  you have come so far...
-  I hurt for you honey and I am thinking of you and praying for you...
-  again please know, this is not going to last forever, and you need to draw on your inner strength and the love and strength of your family to get through this...
-  be kind and gentle to yourself, it sounds like our body, mind and heart are needing a break, take that break, it is ok, it is ok to take time for yourself...

The lump in my throat has not subsided, but I feel somewhat better and I hope you feel better and better with each passing day...

Big hugs,

I know that for a few months after my surgery, my energy level and motivation were at all-time lows.  Just the littlest thing would totally wipe me out.  So you may have some of that going on, as well as underlying depression issues for which you are receiving treatment.  I guess I would just recommend as the others did - be kind to yourself, realize you are in a  period of adjustment and this won't last forever.  I pray that it passes quickly for you and that you will again find the joy in life, especially with your family who love you dearly. 

I don't have any words of wisdom but just know that there are a lot of caring people on this board and we hope you will continue to post and we will try our best to offer any advice or just plain comfort that we can.  I have an adult son with clinical depression and this time of year is the WORST for him.  We do a lot of praying and just being there.

It sounds like you do have a wonderful boyfriend and that is a big plus.  Take care of yourself and know that others care about you.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

Kat70   

Thank you all. I just wanted to be sure that you knew that I am not suicidal. I would never do that to my kids. I guess what I meant to say is that if I just don't feel like I have anything to live for other then my kids and grandkids. I have been dealing with fatigue for 2 years. It seems to be getting worse, not better. I don't know if the fatigue is from the depression or the depression is from the fatigue. I just don't feel good physically. It may be menopause. I am going to have the doctor check my hormone level when I go in. I just want to have a life. I want to be excited about my weight loss, to go look for new clothes, to be able to be physically active, to take my grandkids out, to fix myself up, visit with friends. I can't do any of that right now. I don't know if that makes sense. I am just so tired all the time. Physically exhausted. Thinking makes me tired. Talking makes me tired. There is something wrong. I didn't used to feel this way. I used to be active and have friends and a life. Now I don't do anything. I just want to find out what is wrong with me.

Have you had your iron, thyroid, and other labs checked? Let your doctor know that you haven't noticed any improvement in your depressive symptoms and he/she may be able to adjust the doses of meds.

All that was checked and was normal.  They have been adjusting the doses and it doesn't seem to have helped.  Thank you.

Have you been tested for Guillian-Barr syndrome (sp)? hope this passes soon.

Are you eating? getting all your protein in? what about fluids? not eating and drinking can cause extreme fatigue...
H