Ok...here's what's bothering me these days. Therapists...chime in :)
Oh Dianna, it's understandable why you are so stressed. It's so rough when your kids can't just figure out the "right" thing to do. I have to say that I was one of those kids. I made terrible decisions, did terrible things, and listened to no one. For me, I only settled down at about 30 years old -- already had two kids at that time. What it took for me was timing -- God's timing. He intervened and I came through it all at the right time.
I know it seems like there has to be something you can do to "fix" him. It is so beyond your control. I don't have any great advice at all other than to say pray for him. I know I will.
I know it seems like there has to be something you can do to "fix" him. It is so beyond your control. I don't have any great advice at all other than to say pray for him. I know I will.
HW 247/SW 232/CW 135/GW 140 Height 5'4" Age 43 A BIT BELOW GOAL
Your son is an addict and you can't fix him. Only he can fix himself and right now he doesn't want to. In the meantime, you have to protect your family including your younger son.
I come from a family of addicts and mentally ill people and I've seen it happen over and over. My mom had to throw my own sister out of the house because of her disruptive behavior, in fact. (Luckily I wasn't living there any more.)
Some things you can do to protect yourself are:
-don't engage. When he starts up with things like "I'm trapped here", don't argue, don't let him suck you in. Just say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave the room.
-throw him out again. This may be necessary if his behavior is putting your other kid(s) or yourself in jeopardy.
-figure out what you are willing to deal with and don't allow what you aren't. For example, maybe you can let the disrespect slide (I'd be inclined to roll my eyeballs and leave the room, myself, but that's me) but you can't allow drugs in the house. Or whatever makes sense to you. Make the rules and the consequences for not following them clear.
-get the help you and your family needs to deal with this whatever that may be and don't make it dependent on his behavior (i.e., don't stop if it seems like he's being good for a while).
One thing that might help you be strong is to think of your other son and what is good for him and what he needs. Because this situation can't be good for him and could set him down a bad path too if not taken care of.
I come from a family of addicts and mentally ill people and I've seen it happen over and over. My mom had to throw my own sister out of the house because of her disruptive behavior, in fact. (Luckily I wasn't living there any more.)
Some things you can do to protect yourself are:
-don't engage. When he starts up with things like "I'm trapped here", don't argue, don't let him suck you in. Just say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave the room.
-throw him out again. This may be necessary if his behavior is putting your other kid(s) or yourself in jeopardy.
-figure out what you are willing to deal with and don't allow what you aren't. For example, maybe you can let the disrespect slide (I'd be inclined to roll my eyeballs and leave the room, myself, but that's me) but you can't allow drugs in the house. Or whatever makes sense to you. Make the rules and the consequences for not following them clear.
-get the help you and your family needs to deal with this whatever that may be and don't make it dependent on his behavior (i.e., don't stop if it seems like he's being good for a while).
One thing that might help you be strong is to think of your other son and what is good for him and what he needs. Because this situation can't be good for him and could set him down a bad path too if not taken care of.
HW - 225 SW - 191 GW - 132 CW - 122
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Sorry you and your family are going thru all of this.
I totally agree with the last poster and other posters (Lee and Rosa) re Attending and working the 12 step ALANON/NARANON programs. It is probably the best advice you can get... along with counseling for yourselves. It is his problem, but it is also yours now unfortunately. It takes a lot of time and energy to do both, BUT well worth it.
I have worked the Alanon program, and truely found peace. Learning how to giveTough Love and set boundries is very difficult and takes time and practice. Those in the program can help show you the way. It is almost impossible to do without the support of the programs/counseling.
I am praying for you and your family at this difficult time. This is another journey, and it is not over, just beginning..wishing you the best.
Hugs,
Jane
I totally agree with the last poster and other posters (Lee and Rosa) re Attending and working the 12 step ALANON/NARANON programs. It is probably the best advice you can get... along with counseling for yourselves. It is his problem, but it is also yours now unfortunately. It takes a lot of time and energy to do both, BUT well worth it.
I have worked the Alanon program, and truely found peace. Learning how to giveTough Love and set boundries is very difficult and takes time and practice. Those in the program can help show you the way. It is almost impossible to do without the support of the programs/counseling.
I am praying for you and your family at this difficult time. This is another journey, and it is not over, just beginning..wishing you the best.
Hugs,
Jane
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