Spouse support?

Has anyone had any issues with their spouse supporting them before surgery?  My husband is not really supportive.  He keeps telling me I just need to go to the gym more, rather than have the surgery.  I'm going to be going to Mexico for the surgery, and he's also not really thrilled about that either.  I've tried to tell him all the bonus's of the surgery, to no avail. 

I think you'll find this common.  I didn't have that particular problem, but several others on here did - and I'm sure they'll chime in.

Its easy to say the surgery is "for you" and to take care of yourself.  But its so much harder to do when you don't have the support.

Some people recommend taking your spouse to a support meeting with you - and that has helped some. 

I also had the "exercise more" talk - even after I lost.  I was appalled he would even say it. 

In the beginning I did not have my DH's support.  He liked me the way I was AND he was afraid I might die from the surgery.  It didn't help taking him to the doctor or support groups with me.  But he always said it was my decision.  He also was not very support right after surgery, watched what I ate, afraid I would mess up the surgery.  Again he was concerned about my health.  We finally had a "come to Jesus" talk and he has been very supportive every since.  I hope this  helps, and I hope your DH will come around with time.  Good luck.

My DH was not on board with this until right before surgery when I had him go with me for my preop appointments with the surgeon, the anesthesia people and the NUT.  He finally "got" it then but was very nervous until the surgery was over.  He has been much more supportive since then (and I am 3 weeks postop). 

Is he going to Mexico with you?

Kat70

I know it's hard not to get support from the ones you care about most, but this is something that no one can understand unless they've been through it.  That's what's so great about the LW's...we all understand.   Cry on our shoulder's all you want.

My DH seen me diet year after year but he was still against me having surgery.  His was out of fear for me. He was also worried that people would think that he wanted me to lose weight.  I guess one of the guys at work left his wife because she gained weight and all the guys thought he was a jerk.  

In order to take some of the guilt away I told him I was making this decision for myself and He couldn't say anything to change my mind.

He loves my new look but still worries about what I've eaten every day. 

Share some of our stories and before/after pictures.  Maybe that will help.

In the beginning my hubby had the attitude of "Why?" "You look fine"  "Ive heard horror stories about wls"   as my journey went along he slowly got on board with the idea.  A few days before surgery he would say "Are you sure you want to do this?"  "This is a life changing surgery"   Once the weight started coming off and he was seeing my health benefits, he was pleased & proud.  Now Im dealing with him saying "Are you loosing too much?"  "You're boney!" "Are you ever going to be satisfied with the number on the scale?"   I know he loves me and is just concerned for me but he doesnt truly understand this journey as he has never went thru it.  I would be lost without my local support groups & my friends here on the LW board.  They "get me".   We can never fill the shoes of your hubby but feel free to come here to vent/rave anytime.  We'll "get you"  Good luck with your journey.   Cindy

My husband was very worried something would happen to me during surgery also. About 4 months later when I had lost a significant amount of weight and he saw how much happier and energetic I had gotten, he said " this was the best money we had ever spent." Your husband is probably nervous about you taking the risk of going into surgery. Try to talk to him about it and if this is the case validate his feelings, he is coming from a place of love, fear and concern.

oh yessssss in the beginning when i 1st got it in my head that i wanted the surgery he thought i was nuts. he never thought i was that heavy to have such a drastic measure done, but mainly i was tired of the yo-yo-ing losing gaining losing and gaining . then when i told him i was doing it in mexico he really thoguht i was nutss lolol plus the fact that there was a money issue too in the household. it wasnt going over too well not even with my adult children safety issues etc
but noww they see that i needed to have this done
surgery went well in mexico i didnt die lol
and im dealing with paying for the surgery myself
hang in there it will all work out fine i promise

We have been married for 37 yrs and after all that time, my hubby knew all the reasons I wanted surgery.  Nothing else had worked and I was getting more and more handicapped by my weight.  He was pretty quiet about it if he didn't agree.  I did stick a lot under his nose to read and tried to get him to some of the meetings but I don't think he totally understood how life changing it was going to be.  Now he is coming to grips with that and it very supportive. 
Here's hoping you Hubby will come around.  It is really nice, although not totally necessary to have his support.

I like that comment "it's nice but not necessary to have his support". lol!  That's really true.  It would be nice.  I guess I just feel guilty doing it without his support, mostly because of the cost of the procedure. I'm sure he'll come around, sooner or later :)