To tell or not to tell

 You have me in tears. I have a feeling I will want to share, because I see so much suffering with excess weight. I have a naturally thin family and all they say is "eat less, exercise more" or "you're lazy and don't stick to a diet". My thin friend who has been so hard on me has no idea what it is like to be hungry or craving food all the time.

I know I will have to change my "fat head", but the limit to what I can eat is real. I think the negativity to surgery is absurd. We don't attack coronary bypass patients because they ate too many cheeseburgers and steaks or had bad genes. I feel surgery is no less necessary for some of us.

I know that I have more risk from staying obese than from undergoing surgery.

What a great point about CABG and heart disease, Wendy!  Of course, some/much of that is genetic, but the same is true for obesity, in many ways, too.  

I have experienced the lack of sympathy/empathy for that struggle.  But the worst part is that I applied that same judgment to myself!  That's a hard thing to recover from, but it's within the possible. 

Good luck getting there - and if you have any tips for me as I try to, please let me know!

Telling/Not Telling is a personal experience.  WLS has been an easy ride for me.  My tool helped me eat right and I didn't do any exercising except chase babies around all day.   I realized this week while I was making cookies for my nieces wedding that maintaining is going to be a challenge that only I have control over.   My tool helps me to a point but it's up to me to stick to the rules.

I Do tell people.  There were several Mothers at my DD's Cheer gym who had surgery and if they hadn't been honest with me then I never would have even considered it.  I knew how much these Moms sacrificed for their daughters and how important their families were to them so I knew they felt it was a safer alternative to being overweight.

A few weeks before my WLS I told a few close family and friends.  I couldn't believe how many people insisted on telling me about their friend who had surgery and gained their weight back. At the time it was so upsetting to hear those stories but it has made me determined to be the success story that people can share. 

When anyone asks me how I lost weight I share with such enthusiasm that I think they would have trouble putting me down to my face....LOL.   I wish I could share with every overweight person that I come across. Especially those who have young families.  My only mistake was waiting until I was in my 50's to have surgery.  I wasted so many years being overweight. I am enjoying my grandchildren but I missed out on so much fun when my girls were growing up.

Yes, I tell anyone who asked or even looks like they want to ask.  If I didn't think I would offend people I would tell anyone I thought could benefit from WLS, but I don't go this far-but it would be because I would love to help other people.  I love helping new pre-ops and watching and following their progress.

I agree it is an individual decision.  I had several people willing to share with me their experiences when I was pre-op and called or saw them and that helped me make my decision.  I am very thankful for their honesty with me.

My family gets it now that this is NOT the easy way out.  It takes a lot of time to figure out your meals, weigh and measure everything, pack your lunch, cook your supper and keep up with the vitamins, calories, protein and other things you have to keep up with.  On top of that get a little exercise. 

Linda

Sorry I didn't go through and reply individually, but I did read all the posts (I get emails when someone replies.) I love hearing everyone's opinions, and some may have changed my mind and attitude a little towards telling people, especially people who struggle with weight.

I kept my surgery a big secret.  I am a bit sorry i did.  Living a lie is hard, but I just could not take having people watch, worry and gossip about me.  Very few people know about my surgery.  Even my step-children or my sister do not know.

if I could do it again, I would probably tell.  I have lied so long, I can not tell now.
 
Ruby
rny 3/2005
262/125/140
hi/lo/today

Great point, Ruby!  I see what you mean.  Well, you can be part of the silent component of "the movement".  ;)  Everyone has a spot on this train!

Thanks for understanding. I circulate in a group of elderly people, and they would have seriously worried about me. 

When I had surgery, I was not very knowledgeable and was afraid the surgery would not work for me.  I had two friends in the medical profession who were negative on the surgery and I could not deal with them.  Remember this was five years ago and very few people in my area even knew what the surgery was all about.  Funny thing, someone told DH about the surgery.  It completely failed for them and I went on with it anyway.  DH had one friend who was obese, and we told her about the surgery when she questioned us.  She did not have the surgery and has gone on the have major health problems.  
 
Not telling has created, some problems for me.  I am not proud of my decision to remain silent.  At the time, I made the best decision for me and I have lived with it. 
Ruby

This has been a very interesting topic today and I enjoyed reading everyone's posts.  I had WLS because a girl I work with had it done and succeeded.  If I didn't know of her success and why I may never have had the surgery.  I remember asking her if she thought I could do it too and she said YES!  She promised to be my friend and support during the process and she has been there for me.  In turn I feel privileged and proud to have had the WLS.  I am not ashamed but I could not keep the weight off when I tried diet and exercising alone.   I tried many times and would succeed, for a short period of time then something would happen and I would fail again.  If I could help just one person the way my friend helped me I would be thrilled.  To my face not one of my friends or family has made me feel uncomfortable with my choice for WLS.
Sandi

I have never considered not telling the truth about it. I am looking forward to encouraging anyone and everyone I meet who is obese and expresses that they are trying to get healthier.

As far as people I already know...well, I know they will be uninformed about what wls involves and how much personal effort it takes to be compliant.

But I am so much more than my weight. Hopefully the person I am  and my personality are what people that matter really notice.

I feel that my choice to have wls took intelligence, confidence, and courage. I plan to celebrate every pound that disappears and every muscle that reappears!!

Trading off the everyday judgements I receive as a obese person vs. comments people might make about how worthy they think my weight loss efforts are....it's an easy choice for me. But it is a personal choice and I support whatever anyone else is comfortable with in their journey.

I say do what makes you happy and fulfilled and don't worry about what anyone thinks :)