HELP, how do you deal with negative people?

 I have been working to get my surgery since Feb. I have a close friend who I did not tell until I was approved and scheduled. I knew she would be negative because of previous comments about a mutual friend who had the Lap-Band. What I did not expect was her harangue on how lazy I am, taking the easy way, never gave healthy eating and exercise a chance. She says the surgery never works (it didn't for our friend). I told her I have been seeing a psychologist since March and she has helped me with the process of learning how to find comfort in things other than food. She says the therapist must be incompetent.

We see each other often. I am divorced and she is a widow and most of our friends are married or paired off. I value our time together, but I am hurt by her negativity. I have shared with few other people and each has been incredibly supportive. The good thing is, since she is so convinced I will fail, I will use my hurt to follow my eating plan scrupulously.

My surgery feels like an elephant between us. She says she is okay, then gets started again about how lazy Americans are, wanting the quick fix. I have researched this for over four years. I started in 2006, but had uterine cancer, so I set my plans aside. A year and a half ago my blood sugars crossed into Type 2 diabetes. By Jan of this year, I realized I needed the help of surgery. Even my health scare couldn't make me eat smaller portions. 

I know I have to change my ways, but I think the physical limits of my RNY will help me to do so. Any ideas of how to deal with the negative people in life?

Wendy - I'm sorry this is happening to you.  Unfortunately all our "friends" aren't supportive.  You'd like to think they want whats best for you , as in getting your health back and maintaining it.  I'm going to assume she's a bigger woman also?  Is she scared that you will be smaller than her and won't need her anymore? Or she's skinny and doesn't want competition from you, as a skinny person?

Unfortunately this WLS ride can result in friendships lost and new friends gained. 

You need to keep your eye on the prize - which is a healthier you.  If she is being too negative, you may need to tell her that you don't appreciate her naysaying and that if she continues you'll have to limit your time with her. 

This is an emotional journey as it is, without someone you love and who is close to you being negative. 

I hope you can work it out with her.  But if not, be prepared to do what is best for YOU.

 aww  Wendy -  Ure  learning the hard way  that people have a lot of uninformed opinions about this very subject and will  all inflict them on U  if  U  " ask :" for their  opinion by telling them about Ur surgery .

Also ..they will gossip  about U  and undermine Ur eventual success ....because trust me GRRLfriend .... it WILL be UR  success not the surgerys'  VERY VERY soon .

The surgery is just a tool .... and not that big a one on the overall scale .... the diet , the daily  exercise , the everyday y monitoring of EVERY SINGLE  GOSH DARN CALORIE U PUT IN UR MOUTH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE  ( which aint easy !! ) ... these  arethe things that KEEP  U at a normal BMI .

EASY ?!  HAH !!!!  that nasty fool is LAUGHABLE !   

I told NOBODY  FYI  but one friend  who tk me to and from the docs office .

Thanks for the response. She is normal weight, has no cravings, hates sweets, and exercises consistently and strenuously. I know I can learn from her. I hope we can stay friends. I feel she is attacking me personally when she has no idea what WLS entails and what I am willing to do to make it work. I am prepared to do what is best for me.

Thanks for all your wise posts here.
This was my reply to Jody, but fits you , too.

I'm not sharing much, but I thought she should know. No take backs now. But I'll be quiet from here on.

 I sent your response to Minime's Mom. I thank you for your wise posts. I am still struggling to use the computer and the site. 

What I said applies to you both. I am so glad to have a safe place to vent and express my fear and frustration.

You let her talk to you like that?! I NEVER let people talk to me like that. The next time she start in on you and all your supposed character flaws, cut her off and tell her that it's between you and your doctor and not up for discussion. You don't have to put up with that sort of personal attack from anyone, let alone someone who is supposed to be a friend.

 Thanks. I know I have the "need to please" syndrome. Working on giving that up. I read your blog. It's a gift to all of us. 

Amen

Sorry she's being an ass to you--what she's doing is just not right. Her opinion about obese people has been proved to be wrong-thinking over and over again. It might be best to distance yourself from her while you're losing. You're going to be somewhat self-absorbed anyway as you learn your new system and start tracking what works and what doesn't work, etc. Maybe she'll come around eventually, but live your life for you, babeee! I agree with McMadame on this one. You deserve better but you're going to have to demand it if you want it.



--gina

Thanks. Been reading about your recovery and happy it is going so well. I am working on giving up caring what others think of me. I am ready to drop my weight and that bad attitude.