All the Single Ladies!

i met some great guys on E harmony ..... i made i VERY clear that it was all about marriage and no premarital sex lol ..... and that eliminated the playas right THERE ...

Im honestly easier because Im not looking to date , say , Rick Fox ..or a pro athlete ... been there done that ( the athlete not RF ..lol ) ... it takes a certain type of woman to put up with that Rosa ... one who is willing to subsume most of HER into HIM ....as U say .... and I , like Yalie U ....am not really that woman ....

I did have a hott summer of love though ;) -long before WLS and its a memory ill treasure forever .

You have to decide what U want and what Ull settle for ...U dont NEED to get married like say I SHOULD ( and WILL very soon) . In a very enviable sense U already Are the man most girls hope to marry lol ....

So if U want to play U can... If U want to find a true partner of caliber and a true soulmate and nest and have babies U can do that too ....

The only thing i would say is dont sell Urself short . And definitely explore whats out here as Ure losing weight - why not . Ud be surprised how little these things ( a few extra lbs ) actually matter lol.

When U look so striking everyone stares at U when u walk into a room.....thats a different kind of frightening ...because U never trust why they want to be with U . They say they love U but U know they really love the reaction they get from other men for having U on their arm ....

I think U have a window of opportunity right now Rosa to get to know some men as people ..and they you . U are going to be a great beauty " when U grow up " and U have to mature into that power ... or like many very beautiful women U risk throwing it all away on some loser ...

This is SPOT ON, Ava. You get it. I appreciate the advice to mature into my beauty. You're absolutely right about that, and I hadn't really thought about it before.

What you say about being striking hits home. In college (when I was about 20 lbs lighter than now) I had a boyfriend. What an arse. (Long story, but let's just say that he WASN'T at Columbia Law as he pretended to be, he was at some community college in Westchester, which would've been fine if he'd have told me in the first place...) Anyway, he used to LOVE to walk a few paces behind me when we were in large crowds, and jus****ch as guys checked me out. He was soooo proud that his "girl" was a "dime." Ew. I can't believe I put up with that crap. What a creep! (He also used to steal my worn thongs and sell them to his frat brothers. I kept wondering why my underwear was disappearing...)

I have stories for days. This is the caliber of man I tend to attract!

A gay friend who doesn't understand my reluctance to date asked why I wouldn't just want some guys to show me fun things about the city I never knew before - dating is an opportunity for that. I'm a HUGE extrovert, so I would think that I'd enjoy it. With my friend's attitude, it could just be a fun time to meet some guys without introducing any overarching meta-narrative into it. "I don't understand you women," he says. "Always big picturing when the picture's right in front of you."

It's true. Having enjoyed career success at such a young age, living in my dream apartment, driving my dream car, achieving these things in work that actually contributes to rather than detracting from the world, all these wonderful things I've been blessed enough to experience so far, I am deeply satisfied with where I am in life. And I am not looking for those things in a man.

But to understand how to integrate someone else into my life and to share with him will take a certain kind of man (read: good self-esteem) and a lot of adaptation in my life. Who will put up with my ridiculous work ethic? Will I still have it?

Ah. So many questions. Lots to consider.

I tell you what: I will go out with the next decent-seeming guy who asks me out. Time to open the window and let the air come in, right, Ava? ;)

 Yes !   also  don't forget this  is an opportunity  for U to make some lasting friendships .... meet some really cool people  who  may stay lifelong friends and/ or acquaintances .  

When U  get into an exclusive relationship  and or marriage its not that easy to  just sit down and " get to know " a new guy any more ...and some of those new guys are great business contacts too !!  

In a way its very regrettable and limiting this marriage thing ....  and propriety ..... 

but the trade off  makes it worth it (  i hope ) 

"I have stories for days.  This is the caliber of man I tend to attract!"

Ok Ava, how about changing that sentence and insert, this is the caliber of men I USED to attract.  Keep them out of your present tense and only speak/focus about what you're looking for today in a date/partner/husband etc.

We'll have to start a list of all the things we'd like in a man and then visualize him knocking on the door to take us out.  :)

That was me!  :)

And yes.  You're right.  I do think I still attract them, but I don't have to deal with them any more!