Good Intentions - Vent

I have been very quiet about my decision to have WLS.  My husband is my key support system.  As long as we are in this together, I didn't feel the need to justify/rationalize my decision to others. 

I had a long time friend (18 yrs) call me the Thursday before my surgery and put me on the spot for lunch the week of my surgery.  I explained to her that I was having surgery and would be on clear liquids for a while.  Lunch is out of the question for my for the next couple of months as I get used to my new pouch.  I got the "are you sure" and the "you're not really that big" from her. 

Yesterday, I sent an email to her and a few other very supportive people letting them know how I'm doing.  I'm doing much better than I expected and I'm on clear liquids until Thursday.  She called me last night and invited herself to my house for lunch today to make sure I'm ok.  She wants to bring me homemade sushi.  I quickly said, "No thank you.  I'm on clear liquids only, until I see my surgeon."

I know her heart was in the right place, but, seriously, sushi....really????  You'd think a graduate from MIT would know sushi from a clear liquid.    I'm taking a deep breath.  Her intentions were good.

Yeah, she means well. lol  Maybe tell her egg drop or wonton soup would be nice. Hang tough, everybody will be adjusting for a bit, then things will be more normal. Remember as you drop weight you're also dropping hormones, so your reactions to folks might be a little off. I do hope her intentions are good and you have a nice visit.

--gina
   

 Yup.  I echo Gina.  There will be a lot more of it, not always from a place of good intentions.  It can be hard for folks to hear this stuff, especially for those of us who (consciously or not) want/seek validation externally in order to experience it internally.  

A lot of people struggle with how to be supportive.  The best thing to do, IMHO, is for us to be very clear about what support means to us.  i.e. - let's shift our social time from food-based activities to exercise-based activities, as best we can.  Most people can join you for a walk, though not everyone will.  For those who are unable to muster the kind of support you need, give yourself permission to set those relationships aside (to the extent that's possible****il you're stronger and more able to hold it together in the face of a lack of support.  For me, that came around 2 months after surgery.  I just thanked them for the invitations to things and told them I wasn't really well enough yet, but looked forward to seeing them soon.  And then followed up.  Looking fabulous!  :)

You can do the same.  Good luck!

I wanted to keep it quiet, but my surgeon and the counselor, etc. said to tell everyone you can so I would have a large support group.  Well, mistake!  One of my closest friends actually said I was taking the easy way out.  She is also very heavy.  Another close friend said that I should spend less time on the computer and go exercise!  I am actually rarely on the computer, so how dare you! 
I had it out with him saying, "You have NO idea how much time I'm on the computer OR how much time I spend exercising!". 
He said if I had time enough to join a site and create a blog, I had time to exercise. 
I then told him: "time" isn't the issue JERK.  He said to take it easy, he was trying to be funny and didn't mean anything by it. 
I said, "Well, don't take it wrong when I say, "%<#@$^&*)*($*)&)>%!!!!!".   LoL

I do wish I hadn't told anyone except for my closest friend who will be here for my surgery and healing.  But, I've noticed people's true colors come out when your overweight, or going through something "controversial", etc..  And unfortunately most times it isn't pretty.

I'm just over a wee****il my surgery and am so ready to get this going!

I regret telling the "love of my life Richard" who lives in Washington, he really thinks I am a nut job. This reaction out of any of the pro and cons I have had hurt the most. 
My journey is my journey, but the person who has been my rock all my life... his reaction sucked weenies.  Now, I am not telling anyone when my date is.
I have about 8 in my support that are there for me...not telling the world, which would be my usual.

Graduate from MIT? Maybe she is really smart but lacks common sense?
Just say thanks and keep deep breathing! Atleast she wanted to give you some support.
Hang in there!

Everyone is right.  Her heart is in the right place.  I called her today and asked her to join me on a walk.  She was very excited to participate in my journey.