To al you "lightweights"

Hey peeps,

I have a tentative date set for Oct. 25th for RNY, and am still jumping all those hoops. I find everyone on this site particularly, to be so helpful and friendly.

My question is this; Do (did) any of you feel insecure/embarrassed pre-op about what those around you might think? Of your decision to have surgery to lose weight as a "lightweight"?  I am serious, I live/work in a small community where it is great for raising a family, but people around here honestly have time on their hands! (Can I say NOSY!)

I don't want anyone messing with my plans or giving me their opinions. I wish I could just "sneak off"  for 2 weeks, and return like nothing happened, but can't. I own a salon and have a lot of "regulars" who will for sure miss me! I wish I wasn't so sensitive about other's opinions...  I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill, but it gets me down in the dumps.

I am 5'4" with a BMI of about 38. I weigh 213# and have sleep apnea, but otherwise pretty healthy. Would like to reach 135#, and have done it a few times as an adult, but can tell all of you vehemently that I have never, not once been able to master maintenance! To the point where I am terrified I will not be able to curb my "evil" ways. I am so insecure, like I said... I am actually depressed over my insecurity..  Does anybody out there "get me"?

TIA,     Kim

Oh, I so "get" you.  I used to be between 95-105 pounds ALWAYS until my early 30s and you wouldn't believe the people I see that I haven't seen for a while who go "you used to be so little!"  DUH.  Like I don't realize that!  I have carried this extra weight for about 27 years now and I am scared of failing but really, really determined to make this work.

You can do it!  And this is a GREAT board to participate in.  Everyone is helpful, friendly, and kind.

Kat 

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but thats something most of us go through.  Everyone wants to give you their opinion on whats best for you.

One of the best responses when you're told you're not heavy enough, is to say your Dr thinks your health is at rish and is supportive of WLS.

I chose not to tell anyone because I had a bad experience with it pre-op. 

As far as mastering maintenance, that's a tough one.  I'm in maintenance now, and whats great about WLS is you are able to learn the good eating habits you need for maintenance.  The hard part is continuing to follow them when you can eat anything again. 

Best of luck to you!

Kim,
So don't tell people!  I only told one friend at work who I walk with everyday, and she's in HR so couldn't say a word, a few friends, my brother and son.  I told my boss that I was going to be out for 5 days because of a medical procedure.  The only thing he asked was whether it was another surgery on my ankle.  I just said no.   After I was back at work, I told him confidentially that I had the surgery.  We've worked together for 16 years.  I told him that I did not tell him before hand because it was a very private decision between my physician and myself and that I didn't want anyone's opinions or negative energy.  In California it's illegal to ask the "why" question of someone who works under you.  I had my gallbladder out 3 months before VSG and never told anyone about that either.

I eventually told three women that I work with, but that's all.  When people ask what I'm doing, I say exercise 1.5-3 hours a day, seven days a week with a very strict diet.  Which is all true.  If someone asked me straight up, it would depend on the situation whether I would tell or not.

This is your own private decision.  Simply tell people that you're holding all conversations between you and your physician for now.  You're going to love your new body!!  :)

I just felt determined! Nobody but nobody was going to tell me squat once I got my surgeon's blessing and insurance approval.  I didn't tell people at work because I didn't want to hear their crap opinions either. lol

Hang tough, babeee!

--gina

I believe alot of people really understand exactly what you are going through. I have been getting," but you dont look that heavy" from the people I have told recently. Truth be told, at 4'11" and at 205 my bmi was 42. I had sleep apnea, diabetes, borderline high blood pressure, severely high cholesterol and I have severe asthma.
I still have not told my family, only a few close friends and of course my husband and children.
I personally have found it better to wait till it is over to tell anyone what I have done. Now I just say, I needed to get healthy for me, noone else. I am prepared for my family (who I wont see till Christmas) and my answer to them is. It is my life, if you cant accept it, then you dont accept me.
In the end, when I died of obesity (yes I said when) They truly would not be there to take care of my 4 children for me.
Also, I know exactly what you mean by "small town" I lived in one of those and you cant shower without everyone knowing, the time,place and how long it was.... Hated it there.

I so hear you. For a long time, I think worrying about what people would think held me back from going forward with the process. Finally, I realized it's about me and no one else, and if people have negative things to say about it, then so be it. I work in a company of 40,000 people (I work in HR) and I told one of my coworkers who's worked there for 20 years and immediately she rattled off a list of people in the company who'd had weight loss surgery. Moral of that story, people are going to find out so I may as well be the one to tell them! Everyone who's going to noticy my absence and need to know who my backup will be while I'm out, I've pretty much told. You may be surprised, SO many people have said how excited they are for me. Whether you tell people or not is your decision, but I tend to be a "sharer" by nature, and knowing people would probably eventually find out - hello, out of work for two weeks and then start dropping crazy weight? :-) - I figured why not just be open about it.

Another thing that bummed me out was skipping my 10 year high school reunion. I weight 100+ more than I did at high school graduation and I was ashamed and embarassed to let everyone see that. But since then I've realized, I am on facebook, they've seen recent pictures of me, I live in the town I grew up in so I see people somewhat frequently, who cares if they notice that I'm fat - I am! haha Also, no one is going to say, "wow, you got really fat since high school." At least not to my face, and what do I care what they say behind my back - I won't hear it anyway! :-)

FInally, with regard to feeling funny at the info sessions, I felt the same way but guess what, no one is going to wonder what you are doing there. Even though we're on the low end of the scale, we still qualify which means, as ugly as the word is, we are obese. We can't hide that, even in a room full of people "more obese" than we are. You sound like you may be like me, my doctor says I am "muscle proportionate" and I have a lot of muscle, so I carry my weight pretty well (I'm 5'10) so some people have shown surprise when I've told them, but it's not like anyone said, "but you're so skinny!" haha

Anyway, I basically just repeated what a lot of other people said but bottom line is, if you do this, you're doing it for you and for your health and to hell with people who might judge you for this decision. You're making the decision to improve the quality of your own life, and anyone who would judge you for that probably has their own issues to get over!

Hope this helps, good luck!!!

 Most of us can relate!!! I got told several times, when I was getting my labs, EKG, ultrasound for the surgery by a lab tech, that "YOU DONT LOOK "BIG ENOUGH" TO BE HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY".. and Yes, I did feel guilty, But WHO CARES!!!! I snapped back to reality really quick!!

I was lucky to have the support of my family and close friends... I didn't really find the need to tell others about my decision to have surgery before I had it.

Since surgery I have been very open with my decision, I am definitely an advocate for weight loss surgery. I am proud of my decision to have surgery and my success with my "tool". I just wish I had taken the step years ago!

Good luck with your surgery and don't let the naysayers get to you!

I get you!

I live in a larger community, but my professional world is pretty small and gossipy.  My choice was not to tell a soul in that world except one trusted friend and my immediate staff, whom I trust implicitly.  I am a super-feather-lightweight (only 60 pounds to lose) and I've been losing the weight slowly enough that nobody has really noticed.  I took vacation time instead of sick leave to have the surgery, because I didn't want to feel like I had to explain myself.

I'm very happy with my decision to keep my surgery private at work.  When I get to goal I may change my mind about telling, but for now it's nobody's business but my own.

Oh, and I did tell my family and close friends and they have all been great!  But even with them, I made it clear from the very beginning that the decision was mine, it was made, and it was not up for debate or discussion.