Good morning !!
(deactivated member)
on 9/15/10 9:54 pm
on 9/15/10 9:54 pm
And it IS a Good morning lol! Thank God ....
Well I finally figured out why my food was so non- pressured the last few days .. duh its the antibiotics making me lose my appetite. Still its a very interesting lesson in how i WANT to be able to live ....
Its a GREAT feeling waking up to a defined body ( or having a defined , not bloated tummied out-to -here body when U take a shower at nite ) that U don't have to jump on the scale to reassure Urself is still the same weight as yesterday because of course you ate so much it couldn't possible BE .
it feels great to KNOW that i didnt eat too much .. even before getting on the scale .
Now only to keep this pattern going past the antibiotics .
Well , part of it is eating when im hungry as opposed to when a litttle voice in my head says " I could eat " . In other words its about being contented with being not-hungry as opposed to being constantly stuffed.
If I could pinpoint the ONE MAIN reason i got fat its THIS ; its the feeling and the mental feeling of deserving to be STUFFED to the gills all the time . I got USED to this state during my many years of binging and purging . ( and then the purging happened which made me feel high and skinny in a way .. though of course i was NOT - you absorb 60% of the excess calories U eat no matter what )
I never got over the accepted fact that I could and should be allowed to eat ANYTHING ( and EVERYTHING ) that i had that right ... in whatever quantity I chose .. and still remain attractive . Of course this is childish magical thinking .
I think i ratcheted down my bulimic episodes before WLS but didnt really ever come to terms with the rebellious THINKING , certainly never modified it in a permanent way . And honestly , I was bulimic in buffets .
Now post WLS- i still want to eat those extra bites , and certainly want to eat outside of a schedule or whenever and whatever i want . The trick is to make what i WANT be what is GOOD for me and for my weight loss lol !!
I think I , Ava, need to feel like a rebel while I am conforming . Strange but true. I need to feel indulgent , and like i can have anything i want within reason . Then ,though i may TASTE a few new things im curious about I will probably make the right food choices......
So this is what Im hoping for ... that I will be able to re- train my appetite to WAIT a bit before getting satiated . That I will not just snack now , then cook , then eat , but maybe wait until the meal is actually cooked and served to have a plate . That way , i wont be eating two portions - one to " taste " and one to actually eat ( do i HAVE to admit even then sometimes i would go back for seconds an hour later ?! )
Yep , im a grazer . I have really bad food habits . I eat when im bored , I eat in front of the TV , I eat when im frustrated and reluctant to call people during the business day about work ...
The main reason i havent been able to lose weight is not that i dont exercise enough , nor that I make bad choices ... its that I eat too MUCH and too OFTEN .
Excess food has served a multitude of purposes in my life it has no business serving . I m trying to just eat food as FUEL , while still making it as joyful and creative an experience as possible ...
Well I finally figured out why my food was so non- pressured the last few days .. duh its the antibiotics making me lose my appetite. Still its a very interesting lesson in how i WANT to be able to live ....
Its a GREAT feeling waking up to a defined body ( or having a defined , not bloated tummied out-to -here body when U take a shower at nite ) that U don't have to jump on the scale to reassure Urself is still the same weight as yesterday because of course you ate so much it couldn't possible BE .
it feels great to KNOW that i didnt eat too much .. even before getting on the scale .
Now only to keep this pattern going past the antibiotics .
Well , part of it is eating when im hungry as opposed to when a litttle voice in my head says " I could eat " . In other words its about being contented with being not-hungry as opposed to being constantly stuffed.
If I could pinpoint the ONE MAIN reason i got fat its THIS ; its the feeling and the mental feeling of deserving to be STUFFED to the gills all the time . I got USED to this state during my many years of binging and purging . ( and then the purging happened which made me feel high and skinny in a way .. though of course i was NOT - you absorb 60% of the excess calories U eat no matter what )
I never got over the accepted fact that I could and should be allowed to eat ANYTHING ( and EVERYTHING ) that i had that right ... in whatever quantity I chose .. and still remain attractive . Of course this is childish magical thinking .
I think i ratcheted down my bulimic episodes before WLS but didnt really ever come to terms with the rebellious THINKING , certainly never modified it in a permanent way . And honestly , I was bulimic in buffets .
Now post WLS- i still want to eat those extra bites , and certainly want to eat outside of a schedule or whenever and whatever i want . The trick is to make what i WANT be what is GOOD for me and for my weight loss lol !!
I think I , Ava, need to feel like a rebel while I am conforming . Strange but true. I need to feel indulgent , and like i can have anything i want within reason . Then ,though i may TASTE a few new things im curious about I will probably make the right food choices......
So this is what Im hoping for ... that I will be able to re- train my appetite to WAIT a bit before getting satiated . That I will not just snack now , then cook , then eat , but maybe wait until the meal is actually cooked and served to have a plate . That way , i wont be eating two portions - one to " taste " and one to actually eat ( do i HAVE to admit even then sometimes i would go back for seconds an hour later ?! )
Yep , im a grazer . I have really bad food habits . I eat when im bored , I eat in front of the TV , I eat when im frustrated and reluctant to call people during the business day about work ...
The main reason i havent been able to lose weight is not that i dont exercise enough , nor that I make bad choices ... its that I eat too MUCH and too OFTEN .
Excess food has served a multitude of purposes in my life it has no business serving . I m trying to just eat food as FUEL , while still making it as joyful and creative an experience as possible ...
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