xpost, Yes, I admit I am afraid

I have been waiting the last month to be put back on foods and finally got the go ahead from my Dr to have soft foods.
Now I am afraid to eat, eating is what got me here in the first place. I know I have to, in order to live and I know I need the nutrients, but I am terrified of eating again.
I did have a few bites of egg with cheese yesterday, I did get full and knew when to stop. ( which I know is good) but now as the morning comes and I sit here sipping my tea, I realized I am flippin scared to death that the small weight loss I have had, will be for nothing because I am eating again. Has anyone else had this problem and how did you get over it?

 Dear Stacey,

My plan starts us on soft foods in the hospital, so I didn't really experience exactly the same thing.  But I do remember being afraid of screwing up.  The best way I addressed this was quite simple:  not to screw up.  I let my concern/fear become a motivator to stay on plan.  Hopefully something similar will work for you.  

But if it doesn't, please do not hesitate to address this with a counselor.  There could be more serious issues someone could help you work through.

Congratulations on your successes!

Well - think of it this way - its a GOOD thing you're cognizant of it.  So much of our past bad eating habits were subconscious - just did it because we could.  Now you know you can't...

Your pouch is your tool - and as long as you follow the rules you will be fine.  BUT - you MUST eat!  You need your energy and calories, otherwise you won't lose weight - your body will think you're starving it.  Are you drinking protein drinks?

Stay away from carby foods (yes, I know mashed potatoes are good at this stage), the egg/cheese was a good choice.  People also like Wendy's chili - if its a little chunky put it in a blender and puree it a little.  I chewed things into oblivion, so I never did do the puree... not saying it was the right thing, just what I did. 

Did you have counseling with a Nutritionist?  If not, I'd call the Dr's office and say you need to talk to one.  If so, give him/her a call and tell them how you're feeling - they'll be able to give you good suggestions of what will be good for you during this phase.

I was allowed to start some food yesterday, yogart, cottage cheese, cream soup.  I guess the combination of having no nausea or any problems, I wasn't concerned much.  I did go very slow, taking time to be sure that bite was going to stay good before taking the next one.  I use a baby spoon, 1/3 to 1/2 full.  It took me a while to eat my 1/4c but it was worth it. 
Remember if you don't keep your calories up, your body will think it is starving and not burn fat. 
So go slow, stay on plan and you should be fine.

i felt the same way. i was afraid to eat because i thought i would hurt myself or that i would never lose weight. for me it just took a little time to get used to the new eating to and to trust that i would be able to stop. its takes a while for the brain and the body to find a rhythm, but they eventually do. good luck!

I was put on food in the hosp too, but I do remember being terribly afraid to eat and for the same reasons you mentioned.  Initially I wasn't hungry and half nauseated so it made not eating pretty easy.  The way I got over it was to follow the plan and be very mindful of my eating.  I am 4.5 months out now with a 62 lb wt loss,  and have just started cheating  a bit, and the fear is coming back. The wt loss is slowing and the old "haunting" feelling is there..." What if I fail at this!!" "Why am I doing this?!!" I journal everything I eat on FitDay.com and it really helps me keep honest with and monitor myself. I do get satisfied and full fairly easily, so I know the tool is working.  I think we will have the fear and potential to mess up if we are not diligent and ever watchful...we were only given a tool not to be able to overeat...but that is about it, the rest is going to be up to us.  I wish you the best in fighting your demons, as I do mine.  To be successful, I think we just must follow the plan, that simple.

It's not easy but have FAITH in yourself, you CAN do this.  Journal your food intake and eat to live.  I also think exercise is a key component, but have heard of many that loose wt. don't.  I think it is going to be a must for me at least for now.  Good luck on your journey.

FEAR is a good thing!  FEAR of Dumping keeps me from eating a whole piece of cake instead of a bite.  FEAR of my food sticking keeps me taking small bites and eating slow. FEAR of not being healthy keeps me hitting my Protein totals every day.  FEAR of overeating keeps me Posting on the LW Board and being accountable to all of you.  Fear of people looking at me and thinking "she's put on some weight" keeps me doing all of the above!!!!! 

Just take it slow and listen to your tool.  If you feel you need to stop eating then don't even take 1 more bite.  1 extra bite won't cause you to gain weight but it can cause you to feel miserable for a little while. Just remember the basic rules and you will be fine.  Protein first and Carbs last.  Even though I "drink" my Protein, I still try to follow that rule.  Don't drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after you meals. 

Avoid "bad" carbs as long as possible.  Things like sweets, bread, potatoes, rice, and pasta should not be an every day occurance.  If you start those things to early then they will work their way back into your daily life to soon.  Base all of your meals and snacks  on Protein, fruit, vegetables, and whole grains.

The best thing to do is post every single thing you put in your mouth on fitday.com or dailyplate.com.  It really helps to see your choices in writing and to keep track of your totals. 

Keep a journal because you are going to get over your fear of eating and there is going to be a newbie someday that asks the same question as you did today.  Everything you learn and all of the encouragement that you get needs to be passed on to a  future LW.

(((HUGS)))

 I never had that healthy- sounding fear .  I had my visitors sneaking food into the hospital for goodness sakes ....  and then i just tested my poor pouchie persistently until i found  what it would tolerate lol.  

Wow i sound like a real food addict !  

It great to be afraid ...  at the same time its great to EAT too .. because Ur channels heal unstopped - i have no adhesions , strictures ( i did get a minor blockage but that was because I scarfed down an entire ORANGE , white part , fibrous parts and ALL - 2 weeks post - IDIOT  ) 

I honestly think i conversely ended up eating pretty well with my high fiber fat free largely organic fresh veggie and fatfree milk product based  vegetarian diet for  the first six weeks .  

remember this ;;  U POOP to goal ... so eating as little  as POSSIBLE is NOT what U want ...  eating relatively few CALORIES is .  Also getting in the habit of eating fatty foods I STILL Think is counterproductive in the long term because malabsorption DOES  go away .....

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. I know I have to eat and I am just afraid of going to that unhealthy place again. I know it is only 13 pounds so far but damn I have not been under 190 in 5 years and it feels GOOD! I will start with a food journal immediately, I did eat about 4 bites of the egg and cheese ( left over from last night) and that was all I could get in, it does feel good to feel like I am full again. I will attempt to call the surgeons office and see the nutritionist and/or psyche again. Problem is, I am a military dependent and getting in is sometimes a BIG ISSUE! I love the military though, just not the health care. Thank you again everyone.