9/11, Running, Anniversaries & Other Subconscious Sabotage...
Dearest Lightweights,
I just noticed something: after a very good streak of pushing myself with wonderful exercise, I haven't been doing much since...get this...Saturday. In fact, instead of exercising, I went shopping that day. And my energy has been very low.
The good news is that I'm still honeymooning with my stoma, and the restriction (and my general lack of interest in food) has kept me from overeating. I'm still entirely sticking to plan. But I'm not seeing myself do anything active.
Granted, I could barely walk this weekend after Thursday's ballet class. But I could walk yesterday and today. There isn't really an excuse.
So what I'm concluding is that I'm going through an unconscious mini depressive cycle triggered by this anniversary of trauma. I was not conscious of it at all. But I do know that I went an hour north of the city on Saturday to "shop" and that I'm exhausted and not allowing myself to care for me in the way that I had been before the anniversary.
What's new is that I've noticed it. Rather than stopping by one of the countless cupcake stands around me, I'm absolutely disinterested in those comfort foods. Rather than allowing the scale to creep upwards, to convince myself that my clothes are getting smaller because they shrank in the wash, I'm actually sharing this with my support community. You.
In my prayers tonight, I'm going to ask for the strength to run tomorrow morning. I'll ask that I can remember without re-membering - that my body doesn't have to do the remembering so that my mind can avoid it. That I can run with my feet and not with my mind. And that all of us who still get viscerally nervous at the sight of a beautiful, clear September sky can appreciate the beauty of the moment, of the air we breathe, of the people around us *****main, and of the joy we know - even under a too clear sky - as a gift.
Thanks for listening, friends. And, if this (or something like it) is your struggle, consider yourself prayed for, too.
I just noticed something: after a very good streak of pushing myself with wonderful exercise, I haven't been doing much since...get this...Saturday. In fact, instead of exercising, I went shopping that day. And my energy has been very low.
The good news is that I'm still honeymooning with my stoma, and the restriction (and my general lack of interest in food) has kept me from overeating. I'm still entirely sticking to plan. But I'm not seeing myself do anything active.
Granted, I could barely walk this weekend after Thursday's ballet class. But I could walk yesterday and today. There isn't really an excuse.
So what I'm concluding is that I'm going through an unconscious mini depressive cycle triggered by this anniversary of trauma. I was not conscious of it at all. But I do know that I went an hour north of the city on Saturday to "shop" and that I'm exhausted and not allowing myself to care for me in the way that I had been before the anniversary.
What's new is that I've noticed it. Rather than stopping by one of the countless cupcake stands around me, I'm absolutely disinterested in those comfort foods. Rather than allowing the scale to creep upwards, to convince myself that my clothes are getting smaller because they shrank in the wash, I'm actually sharing this with my support community. You.
In my prayers tonight, I'm going to ask for the strength to run tomorrow morning. I'll ask that I can remember without re-membering - that my body doesn't have to do the remembering so that my mind can avoid it. That I can run with my feet and not with my mind. And that all of us who still get viscerally nervous at the sight of a beautiful, clear September sky can appreciate the beauty of the moment, of the air we breathe, of the people around us *****main, and of the joy we know - even under a too clear sky - as a gift.
Thanks for listening, friends. And, if this (or something like it) is your struggle, consider yourself prayed for, too.
5'4 CW: 130, GW: 130
Springtime Challenge to reach goal of 130 in spring MET!!!
Springtime Challenge to reach goal of 130 in spring MET!!!
I found myself thinking back the same way as we've had beautiful weather just like 9/11 in 2001. It is so part of my psyche. Right there with you. ((hugs))
--gina
--gina
5'1" -- HW 195/SW 187/GW 115 July 08/CW 121 Dec 2012
******GOAL*******
Starting BMI between 35 and 40ish?
Join us on the Lightweights Board!
DS on Aug 9, 2007 with Dr. Hazem Elariny
(deactivated member)
on 9/14/10 12:45 pm
on 9/14/10 12:45 pm
I think its kind of normal to be more than slightly exhausted a few weeks out - ok , its a few months out but U dont really heal inside till 6-8 full weeks post and are told to take it easy even beyond that 4 a reason.
Ur body may just be telling U to slow down a bit . I was TIRED for a log time post op- several months.. Sure , I got out there and did baby runs anyway ...but i didnt really try to do the most strenuous stuff until about 5 months post ...
Ur body may just be telling U to slow down a bit . I was TIRED for a log time post op- several months.. Sure , I got out there and did baby runs anyway ...but i didnt really try to do the most strenuous stuff until about 5 months post ...
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