Dealing with a Question

Morning everybody!
       I just think you guys are the greatest...there's really not a good support group here, so I wanted your opinions on a statement. This weekend my DH said..." you can't buy your way thin."
I haven't had my surgery yet, but I have changed 100% to make this commitment. I exercise almost everyday vs. absolutely nothing, I count my protien and carbs and calories. I have given up all carbonated beverages...including beer! So I guess this is just me venting...but did anybody else have this kind of feedback?
Thanks everybody Sherry

hi sherry,

first, congratulations on making healthy changes. i know its a challenge.

i have certainly heard my share of "the easy way out" comments. these are usually made by either mis/uninformed or jealous people. those of us in the wls community know that there is nothing easy about it.

sounds like your DH made a thoughtless comment. not knowing him, i'd like to suggest that maybe he's worried about you, about you undergoing major surgery and about you getting thin and being a different wife than the one he knows. or maybe he just put his foot in his mouth and needs to get more educated about wls.

often, we have to educate the people around us about wls, because they often have no clue, or have incorrect ideas/information about it.

i ended a long term relationship just prior to my wls, so i didn't have the experience of a SO in my life during the process, but i imagine that there's alot of emotions on both sides that need to be discussed.

good luck with everything and hope to see you around!

Sherry - there have been all kinds of comments made to people pre-WLS about the surgery.  I've even had it put to me after surgery "if you just ate less like you did after surgery, you could have lost weight without it"... of course I argued...

How many times have you tried to lose weight, or lost it and gained it back?  This is a tool that will help you lose the weight.  During that time you will be practicing healthy eating and changing your lifestyle regarding that.  Unfortunately I don't know any surgeons that do it for free. 

I couldn't have done it without surgery.  I needed the restriction.  It also takes away cravings and binges you may have done before.  It reminds you daily of what you can and can't do. 

Tell him you're "not buying your way thin, but buying your way healthy".  That's what we all strive for - to get the weight off and live a longer, healthier life and lifestyle.  How many comorbidities are you currently living with that is costing you money in medications?  Diabetes, cholestrol, high blood pressure, sleep apnea machine???  There's that side of the argument too.  That in theory is buying your way to a pretend healthy lifestyle too.  You still have medical issues, you're just controlling them by costly meds.  What activities don't you do now because you don't have the stamina, knees or back hurt, don't fit in a seat, etc? 

Yes, getting thin is related to WLS, but the main benefits are getting healthy. 

Jody & Christina -- nicely put!

My DH still doesn't get it but this WLS was for me not for him, so who cares what he thinks. I'm healthier now than I've ever been.

--gina

 

Hi Sherry,
My DH was totally against any type of surgery for weight loss.  He was one that said just stop eating when you are full and get up and exercise.  I was finally going to do it with or without him.  We talked about it and he finally went along with lapband because he thought that was the safest.  When we went for the surgeon consultation the surgeon recommended RNY because of my diabetes - DH flipped out. 

I finally talked him into going to a WLS seminar through a different surgeon with me and my sister.  After the seminar he felt much more comfortable about it.  We scheduled an appointment with this surgeon and he went to the appointment with me.  The surgeon put him at ease and explained everything to him thoroughly so when we left he was on board with RNY. 

I feel so much better and am off all medicines except cholesterol(hope to be rid of that soon).  My CPAP is gone.  So many more benefits.

Good for you for making changes prior to surgery.  It is just a tool and it is hard work to keep up with the food and vitamins that you need.  It is not the "magic pill" that a lot of people think it is.  Maybe your DH needs to be educated.  Can he go to a seminar or surgeon consultation appointment with you?
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
Linda

Thanks guys, for all the input. I just need to find a way to educate him a little better! Will keep you posted...hoping to get my date this week!

Congrats to wanting a Heathier "Thinner" Life!!!  We LOVE venting!!!  Never hesitate to use us as your sounding board!!  It sounds like you are working hard and making the necessary changes that are going to be a plus after surgery!  Awesome!!!!!

My DH was terrified of me having surgery and even though he never said anything, I know he thought if I just set my mind to it that I could do it the "normal" way.  At the beginning, I tried not to complain to much because I didn't want a "I told you so" look.  Now he is constantly asking me what I ate, did you take your pills, are you drinking your

At 2 years out I still have to say no and listen to my tool but it really was "easier" for me than starving, losing, gaining, over and over again.  I still get food stuck, I still dump, I still struggle going to the bathroom, etc. but I'm SKINNY AND HEALTHY!!!!!!!   The losing part was "easy" the maintaining part is a little more difficult.

Maybe you do need to educate him.  Maybe you need to show him some of our Before/After pictures so he can see that you CAN "buy your way thin", but remind him we are healthier and happier too!!!!

Sherry, Welcome to the board first off.

I don't know what your details are but if you are here, you probably have some issues besides weight. Most LW's do or we wouldn't be considering surgery.

I noticed you are from TN so I looked you up and found you over near Nashville.

I haven't dealt with that issue from my husband but my husband has from his mom. And educating her has been a real issue because she doesn't want to be educated. But we are gently trying without beating her over the head with it.

Your husband is worried. Worried about you, worried you will be disappointed, esp if you've dieted several times and gained weight back each time.

I don't know which surgery you are heading for, but please read up on all four of them and ask the vets here on this board and the other surgical boards about them. Make sure you get the best one for you.

Liz

Sherry,

For him to say.." you can't buy your way to thin".. he has a male brain.
Your new tool will be the surgery, it will help you get to thin.

If he needed a phillips screw driver and kept using a standard screw driver he would get no where soon, he would buy the right tool right? Can't change a tire with a toilet plunger... he would seek out the correct tool...

I just thought I might try and add the way I have had to talk about it to my own family who live away... (aunts, cousins) they all think I am nuts. I reminded my RN cousin that she does not drive to work in roller skates, she takes a car... she shut up  LOL