xpost When a few crappy choices equal more crappy choices! - or Keep your dogs close!

Post Date: 9/10/10 5:16 am

I was actually thinking about this while the dogs and I were walking the other day, and then someone said something that spurred me to use it as a post to her.  And Gina's question of the morning made me snort, because I wanted to make one of my DOs be "keep your dogs close to you!" :}

I am copy and pasting, because maybe it will be helpful to someone somehow - or maybe you might just enjoy a picture of 2 happy dawgs.  :}

For me - how I make it easier on me to make good/better/best choices (unless its just pure D joy eating. :} )

A fable for the explaining!!

I liken it to being in the woods with my dogs. I have 2 really good dogs, but they are dawgs, you know.  If something runs they wanna chase, if its dead they wanna eat it or roll in it (heaven!).




MaeDae and Dulci Mae say hello! 

Anyway - when I have them off leash, I need to keep my eye on them, not because they are bad, or that they WANT to be bad, but because they are who they are, they are enjoying the sights and the smells and can get carried away in a second and chase a deer, or a turkey or whatever.   There seems to be a radius that if they start to lurch towards something and I interrupt their "thoughts" that they will always come back, but when I let them get too far from me, when they are outside of that radius - the impulse to GO GET THE THING is much stronger than "go back to mama!  mama is good to go back to!" See?  

And the ol hound dog that lives in me, that voice that had been my self protector once, the one that I have to "be the boss of" now (I named her Trixybich - and honey - she wants to be the boss of my mind!), she is the same.   When I am "on guard" and within a radius of having made good choices, feeding myself well (not strictly, but well), purposefully moving my body, and being kind to myself - then I can touch/remember/feel what healthy/happy/whole is like and its easier to come back.   When I have been making less nutritional choices, not being purposefully moving, and/or possibly been thinking thoughts that I really cannot afford the self indulgence of - then its easier to say, Screw this - we're going out for XXX~!~!!  (And when I say "we" I mean, me N Trixy). 

When I feed myself well, move myself purposefully, watch the crap I let drop in my head and squelch down the self-defeating crap and replace it with good, solid foundational thinking - then I feel strong in me, in my mind, in my body - that I am doing well BY MYSELF TO MYSELF.   When I am that way?  Anyone else's opinion of me means very little because I am balanced.  When any of those legs to that stool is a little off?  Then I see that its easier to make choices that are not fully nutritional, its easier to "get busy" and not have the time to purposefully move, its easier to indulge in thinking that is not helpful to me (whether that thinking is thinking crappy things about me, being pitiful about what I 'have' to do, whatever basically whining).   Course, you know the deal with the feeding yourself well, and purposeful movement is whatever you like, and the mental stuff which is so important *for me* - Like I said I cycle through those books on my blog to keep my head in the game!  

So - keep your hound dogs close to you!  :}  Its okay to let them roam and play and snorkle up all the smells, but its your job to be ever watchful, its your job to remember you are not like the normies no matter how much you look like one!  Its your job to be good to yourself!  And its your job to watch out for your Trixybich getting the upper hand, because you know all she wants to do is chase stuff that will run YOU into a busy road, eat dead stuff or roll in turkey or deer poop!  :}  And when you are in your right mind, you do not want any of that stuff!  It only seems like a good idea when you are letting your old Trixybich hound dog drive!

 ha ha ha ha !! SOOOO TRUE ....Brandilynn!  mmmm..WALLOWING  i LIKE that word .....

yeah i guess in  a sense ive been wallowing my whole life .  probably im more comfortable wallowing than pulling myslef up by the bootstraps and being my own disciplinarian too....

funny how the  fat girl whose never really been a self - indulgent fat girl ( well at least not in my own mind ) turns out to be exactly that  LOL.  

maybe it is all a matter of degree .... of being realistic vs romantic and idealistic ...and childish ....  

I don't know .   All i know is things are a lot easier in dream- land than when the catering truck is right in front of U offering all sorts of free yummies every single day .....  and when Ure under all kinds of pressure ( largely self imposed ) and food is your favorite pressure  relief valve ......

its not to say that I dont want to or NEED  to learn to live with this .....I DO - its my DREAM .... and I want it very very bad .... im praying for God to give me the willingness to give the food up and stop desiring it .....

I think wallowing becomes a habit when its been our reaction for so long.  I think it starts out innocently enough, but we grow to be comfortable there, like we grow to be comfortable when we have too much food in our belly and go numb.  Ya know? 

"when the catering truck is right in front of U offering all sorts of free yummies every single day .."

Aint no sucha thing as a free lunch.  somebody's going to pay, maybe not right upfront - but honey, payments coming.  And its coming by the pound. 

There's always some reason to not make the good/better/best choice for yourself.  Always.  There's always some reason to get too busy, to justify, rationalize, whatever (just remember, justification is like masturbation - all you are doing is F*ing yourself :} ) 

Sometimes, girlie, the whole world does not have to shake and burst open in flames for us to have a revelation - sometimes - it just takes stepping a bitty bit to one side or another, for us to see the whole things totally new.  Praying for willingness is great!  Like praying for different eyes to see, a different mindset, a different heart about things..

What I have learned is, my act of faith - my showing whomever I am praying to that I KNOW they are on their way with what I asked?  Is an action.

I act as if.  I can **** and moan and cry - but I am thankful even in my tears. Its the sacrifice of praise, even when its not what you want, or how you wanna feel - confirming that now is not how things are going to always be.. that good things are coming, that they are nearly here.

And while I am throwing out cliche'd phrases!!  Here are 2 more that helps boot me from "victim" to "victor" very often.

The first, from a very inspiring movie - Dodgeball " LISTEN UP CROTCHSTAIN"

And the next, from Aaaahhhhnoooolllllddddd "Everyone pities the weak.  Jealousy has to be earned."

Earning things is hard work.  Somedays harder than others, but its work, some times work makes you sore in your muscles, sometimes in your mind, sometimes in your spirit - but work is work - and what you earn IS YOURS.

Nobody can take it from you - but you can sure give it away.

I do not not desire food.  I am a hard core foodie, down to my very core.  I have been on every diet known to man and can cook fabulous foods in any form I needed to to conform to the "diet rules"

The food was not my problem.  Where I got my satisfaction, my sense of "fullness," the way I self-nurtured?

Those things were my problem.  Food was just what I manipulated to try and fix those things. 

And that's how it is with me! 

I will pray for your willingness too, while I pray, and that your revelation comes soon and you will giggle wildly and see - it was always just right around the corner, the change in view.

You just had to let go of what you thought you OUGHT to see. 

bigfatlove girlie,

b

I so enjoy your posts, Brandilynn!

Thank you my Samalina!  You are a groovy human and an excellent encourager! 

And look at you!! WHOOOT!!

 Awww sweetie, I responded to your post on the VSG board but had to send you some lovin on here as well.  I loved the fable and it's so good to remember.  Thinking about it for the last few minutes, brings up more good thoughts.  :)

I used to pray for willingness all the time and it was really helpful.  These days I seem to pray for acceptance of who/where I am on this lovely life journey. Gratitude is my best tool.  I read a long time ago that it's impossible to be hateful when I'm in a state of appreciating/gratitude, so I try to live there. I never want to go back to the self-hatred that I used to feel daily.  Shame is an overwhelming emotion to live with daily and it really brought up self-hatred for me.

 I am so darn grateful this morning that I was able to hike 2.5 hours on steep trails yesterday.  I am so grateful for a body that works, for a body that cooperates with me.  I'm grateful that there's no cookie jar here for me to want to dip my hand in.  I'm grateful for the two pairs of sneakers that are sitting by the front door waiting for me to step into them and head for a life filled with freedom from the bondage of my own stinking thinking.  I never dreamed that one of my gifts of WLS would be my desire/love of movement.  I couldn't be more thrilled.

Be good to your sweet self.

Gratitude is huge for me too.  Whatever it is I gaze upon for long becomes the biggest thing I see.  Best that it be a full and happy heart than the small things (in the scheme of a life, or of the history of the world, ya know?)

Shame is an overwhelming emotion to live with daily and it really brought up self-hatred for me.
I lived a shame based life for a long time.  Now a thing I work really hard to do, and share is that we need to be kind and firm with ourselves, firm does not mean screaming ***** kind does not mean give us whatever we "want."  It means doing what is BEST for us - sometimes that's not what we want most at that moment. 

I had a dream of joyful movement too.  It seemed all my movement was for losing weight before, even though I was really active.

Now I am so much more comfortable in my skin, so much stronger in my mind and in knowing - I am worth my time, and I can do what I need to do.  Whether I *want* to or not.

bigfatlove and neck squeezin, myLee!

"There's always some reason to not make the good/better/best choice for yourself. Always. There's always some reason to get too busy, to justify, rationalize, whatever"

This is so true and I see it so much... people talking themselves out of staying the course when they get near the end, talking themselves into eating more, not logging their food, not exercising...

It makes me want to slap them sometimes!

It frustrates me too.  I had to stop going to a local group because of it.  They just wanted to wallow without ever coming up for air. 

At least now you can slap them and run/walk/bike away quickly!  ha~!

Well I can't slap the ones on OH. I don't where they live!