Sorry for the X-post but I need some E-hugs!

Today is the day I have been dreading since I decided to have this surgery back at the beginning of April.  I have gotten used to living my life like a totally normal person, not trying to hide things and being honest and open when necessary.  I was feeling more like myself, like I don't need any special considerations anymore, and like it should be less of an issue, and that I wouldn't need to "hide" anything anymore.  I don't even think about having had weight-loss surgery most of the time.

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and was up early to go do a project for school.  Afterwards, I drove to my mom's house to pick up some things.  She was going through a closet with some of my old things in them and tossed me a shirt.  "Try this one on; it's really cute!" she said.  Without thinking, I took off my shirt in front of her!!!  She reached over and flicked one of my scars, and then said, "since you aren't telling me anything, I'm going to ask you: Did you have lap-band surgery?"

I felt panicked, but tried to answer calmly, "No, I didn't have lap-band, but I DID have surgery."  

"What did you have?!" she demanded.  I told her I had had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  I don't know if she really does know what that is, but she acted as if she had heard of it.  Her eyes got wide and upset and welled with tears.  She told me that she was "disappointed" that I would have something permanent done.  I informed her that I had done a great deal of research on the lap-band before I made my decision, and with the high rate of complications, knew it wasn't for me.  She told me that I will have health problems later in life because of it, and was also upset that I didn't get any insurance coverage for it, and paid for it out of pocket.  She is angry about the finances (like I knew she would be), and she said she won't help me with any school expenses anymore.  She's very upset and disappointed, and I feel like it's going to really damage our relationship.  

I guess I knew that this could happen, but I wasn't prepared for it today.

I'm so sorry that you had this encounter with your mother.  I hope that she will see that this was best for you and become more supportive.  My Aunt had a gastric bypass about 35 years ago, when it was fairly new.  She is 84 years old today and as you know she probably would not have lived that long as an obese person.  She didn't have the importance stressed on the supplements that we know about today and she did have a few complications along the way, but they were taken care of and she has lived a very healthy active life.  I know your not the one that needs to hear this, I wish I could share that with your Mother. 

Linda W

Here's a virtual *hug* for you.  My mom and I had a very difficult relationship and I am sure if she were still here her attitude would be awful about my surgery.  I'm very sorry you are having to go through this.  

Kat70   

Your post made me cry! I'm so sorry you had this experience with your mom. I'm hoping that with time she'll come to appreciate your decision because it means you'll be around a lot longer! Hang in there. I'm sending you hugs and luck!!!

 Thanks Ladies.

It's difficult because we have been growing apart, and this feels like it might be the final wedge between us.  As wonderful as the support here is, it's not the same as having someone who supports me in my physical life!

  I am sorry that happened with your mom. All you can do now is give her time and space. If you act as if nothing is different and try your best to keep the lines of communication open even if she doesn't want them to be, someday she may reach back across.

Even if she doesn't, at least you will know you did your best to keep the lines open from your side.

Hang in there, sweetie. I know it hurts. Liz

{{{HUGS}}} to you.. 

I hope your mom thinks about this and how it will help your life.  I'm sure she might be hurt because she was not a part of the process but hopefully she will get over that.  I would like to think I would support my DD if she ever decided she needed to do some type of surgery that I was not sure about.

I'm sorry you had to face this and just so you know, we are here for you!!

Good luck with your mom.

Linda

I'm so sorry.  Sending hugs your way, and hoping DM, after the initial shock, will come around to a supportive place for you.  

Until then, just keep up the good work and show her your successes, even if that has to happen from a distance.

(((HUGS)))  I'm so sorry your mom reacted that way.  My mother wasn't supportive either but I didn't rely on her for any kind of financial help. 

I hope she can realize you did it for your health.  In the long run the price of the surgery will offset the costs of additional medical expenses because of MO.

I'm wondering if there is anyway you can get her some literature about the VSG.  Maybe after she reads it she'll realize you didn't have a real drastic surgery (as compared to RNY or DS). 

Super duper big hugs for you baby!!!

My 2cents is that my mom is no longer with me.  I don't know if I would have told her if she were alive.  But I know she would have been happy to know I am healthier now and how lost the weight that has always worried her. 

I wish my mom were still here to give me a hard time....