I need advice please

After both my boys moved into their own apartments, I put the house they grew up in on the market and moved across town.  I hurt both their feelings.  I just didn't realize how attached they were to the house.  They seemed more attached to the house than me.  (Waa! Mom taken for granted). 

I had some Mom time with each of them.  I apologized for being insensitive and talked about the situation.  They're fine with it now.  The new house has a pool and they get to swim.

Give him some space.  Be upfront and factual with him.  He'll come around.

K

Wow, sorry darling, but to apologize for selling a HOUSE??  It's not like you got rid of their wubby.  It's a house were they going to pay for the up keep, the note, the utilities?  I must be in a mood, cause I love my kids to death and NEVER want them to move out.  But when they do, they will always be welcome, but I am not going to tote their crap all over the world for them.

I found with both of my kids that it was really important to them to feel like things at home were remaining constant when they went off to school. I think having things unchanged at home provides some feeling of security when everything else has changed. Little by little they realize that they are not at home all that often and start to feel less possessive about those things.
Since the change already happened I think apologizing for changing things when so much else is new right now and explaining that you didn't understand how he would feel. Let him know that he will always have a place with you and that will always be his home as long as he wants it. Don't push him right now. HE will get over it and will hold up his end of any money deal you made with him. Let him know you love him, that is all they really need.

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Seems like when one thing happens,it just snowballs. Hang in there and always come here when you need a shoulder.

Wow times have changed! When I turned 18 my mother said to me " well it's time for you to do something with your life but you can't stay here to do it!" so a few months later I moved on and Mom and I are still real tight. Since he doesn't live at home everyday...when he does get to visiting he's gonna have to accept what ever accommodations he is given or stay in a hotel. The idea that nothing can change when he leaves is absurd and he needs to accept his growing into a man. You pay good money for every inch of space you have and you and the other kids need to use it. Sentimentality is ok for children and old people like us but he has larger things to worry about. Now that said if you who pays the bills WANTS to save his room and store his stuff well that's up to you not him. He's a man now and before someone else kicks him in the pants he needs to know not everything goes his way all the time and that his siblings need the things and space he once was entitled to. Ok that was a male perspective and a bit harsh but we all know that you love him so it's hard . That's my opinion ....I could be wrong.......my wife tells me I'm usually wrong so , disregard this message....lol..........

Jeff - you're not wrong. I completel  agree!

I would also consider that he might be a bit homesick right now and over-reacted.

Darn girl....I would have told him, he should have gotten it dome before he let and tough ****  But then I am a mean Momma.  I have 7 and can't leave a room un-used just because one of my kids got lazy.  I have already told the oldest one still at home, when she move there will be no holding her room.  I have kids bunked together and one of them will be moving into that room.  Anything she leaves behind I will be dealing with as I choose.  I would have reminded him HIS room is in MY house.  So suck it up buttercup.  

But then like I said, I am a mean momma..

On a lighter note... We seemed to always have our house for sale - on the market, off the market.. and my daughter would kid us that we would sell and move while she was in college and not tell her where we moved too...

Well - it DID happen that way - not intentially... sold the house, moved and she said she was coming home and said "what is the address - where do you live now?" - we had a good laugh about it!

I know its hard for kids - they do become attached to their homes and belongings.  They still need the feeling they "belong" and things don't change while away  I'm not saying its realistic all the time, but that's how they feel. 

When we did sell the house - both kids were adamantly against it.  It was their home they grew up in and were attached.  Neither of them felt the house that we ended up purchasing was "home"... but oh well... she never did move back home and the boy will go where I go - if he wants a free ride!! LOL...

BUT - when things cool down you may want to remind him that you have feelings too and when he spewed all the mean things at you - it hurt. 

I am sorry you have had such a bad time lately; I wouldn't fret over it too much. I have a 17 year old who says he hates me but always comes back to me and apologizes.  My daughter who is now 20 gave me some tough times also, but things smooth out.  You are stressed, and he is too; we all say things we don't mean at time.  Just let him be for a little while; I guarantee he will straighten himself out. 

Hippy Chick, how ya doing?   Any updates on the mom/son relations?  Give us an update when you're able.