I need advice please

Sorry I haven't been around here for a long time. I know I can come here for the straight talk though if I need it.
My oldest son went to college last Saturday. I live in a 3 bedroom townhouse with 3 sons. The oldest has always had a room by himself because he's the oldest.
I told him that his brother was getting his room when he left for school. So today I cleaned his room, threw old school notebooks from 9th grade away, put his clothes in another dresser and put his keepsakes in the dresser as well.
Well, middle son decided to text him and ask if he could play an XBOX game we found. Now oldest son is pissed off like I've never seen. He says I had NO RIGHT to go into HIS room and go through and move his stuff! He says everything has a memory - sounds like a hoarder.
His cell phone is on my plan and his car insurance in on my policy. He says he's not paying me the monthly cost now. That's an easy one. He won't have cell service or car insurance if I don't get the money.
But now he says he hates me and this isn't home anymore.
Granted, I've had a doozy of a rotten day... hospital is trying to cut my salary by 20% and I broke my toe today. So, I'm a bit emotionally frazzled, but I don't know what to say to him. We have always had a really cool and tight relationship.
HELP??

This is tough! When it rains it pours! Wait for him to cool off a little then remind him of what you talked about before he left for school that he had his own room because he was the oldest. When he moved out he should have cleaned out his room and he didn't which left you no choice but to do it. Tell the other boys to leave well enough alone until the smoke blows over. If you cut off his cell phone you have no way to contact him though and he knows you probably wouldn't do that. Sleep on it and maybe tomorrow will be a little brighter. With prayers and best wishes, Danielle.

Thanks Danielle. I actually should have checked his room before he left and I would have told him to move anything that he didn't want me to go through. I just assumed he would have.
I will give it a few days.

oops. We learned not to throw things of the boys' away because they do think they have sentimental value. Who knew? At least for a year or 3. So, we have plastic boxes with their junk stacked in the basement and stuffed under their beds. Yeah, I know...spoiled much?

Give him a couple of weeks and let him calm down. Save anything you can and just pack it and tell him it's there when he wants it. That's about all you can do.

((hugs))

--gina

Thanks Gina. That's what I did with most of the stuff - I put it in a storage chest of drawers in his closet. All of his sentimental stuff went in a box in the closet.
I texted that I was sorry I didn't involve him in the process and he said that he has panic attacks when people touch his "stuff" - would have been nice to know that before now!

Sounds like you got things straightened out and that's what's important.

I agree with Lee.  When my daughter left home, the college suggested we not do anything with her  room for a while for the reasons Lee mentioned.   You will have to deal with it with as much kindness and loving mother stuff you can come up with.  He wants to know he can come home if things do not work out at College.  Leaving home is hard.  I know you were not thinking, but your son needs some reassurance that he has a home and is loved.

Ruby
rny  3/2005
262/125/140
hi/lo/today

I hope you get things worked out with him.  Hopefully it will blow over in a couple of days.  I would let him know that you still have his things.
I can kind of see where he is coming from - he probably thinks he doesn't have a place to call his now(even though he really does still have this at your home).  Maybe you can reassure him that he does still have a place at your house.
Good luck.
Linda

 Heck,  when my son went away from home I moved into a tiny cottage that barely had room for him on the couch.  I understand sentimental but he's acting like a brat.  How unfair that  he'd want you to hold a bedroom for him when they others are sharing.  That said.....

It sounds more like other stuff is going on.  He's away from home, probably afraid you'll forget about him, picturing all the fun you and the boys are having together.  Maybe he's homesick?  It sounds more like he doesn't want you and the boys to forget him and have too much fun while he's gone.  I think it's tough being the oldest and being gone first because he doesn't know what it's like for those of you left at home.  Those are just random thoughts.

I'd say, don't punish him because you want a return of your good relationship as quickly as possible.  Turning off his cell would punish him and he doesn't need that right now.  Starting school is a big deal without the additional stress.  Does he have his car at college?  If yes, remind him that he needs insurance to drive and that it would be a hardship for you to make the payments for him.  Tell him that you'd like to talk to him when he feels ready, but that you understand what a big transition this is for him.  Explain that you really didn't know that he would react this way and that you wish that he had been able to talk to you about his room and the changes before he left.

Where did he go off to school?

I'm so sorry about your toe.  What a lousy day you've had.

Sign me..... formerly from Cleveland.  :)

First, good for you for getting out of Cleveland!!
Things are a bit better with the son. At least he's not texting horrible things any more.
He's at Mount Union College in Biochemistry - wants to be a Physician's Assistant - already prepared for the Master's program there.