Good Morning. I had the strangest dream

[Cue the Twilight Zone music]    I'm not sure what I believe about the afterlife but this dream made me go hmm...  You know that our LW buddy ValleyGirl, Dee, committed suicide last March and she and I were friends IRL. Well, I dreamt that I was walking along a busy street and there she was. She was dressed in a very tight short denim skirt, pacing up and down, smoking a cigarette and quite agitated. (I don't think I ever truly processed that she ended up on the streets looking for the drugs to do herself in)  Anyway, we shared a big hug and a couple of laughs and then she took off again pacing and smoking her ciggy. It struck me that I didn't judge her or care who saw us,  just wanted to give her a hug.   That's it. That was my dream.

Ever have a crazy dream like that?

--gina

I took Chantix last year to quit smoking and it caused all kinds of vivid, crazy dreams. Also, my mom has had a number of dreams about dead relatives and friends lately. I hope it wasn't too unsettling for you.

Maybe it was the cold meds...I hardly ever remember dreams but this one has stuck and I can't get it out of my mind.

 That IS strange ... that poor woman .  The thing is we cant ever know what went on in her head  to get her to that point .. whether there was a chronic illness , or an undiagnosed mental illness ..... its so sad to hear about such things and we naturally wonder if we could have helped  if only we'd been there ...

but the truth ( coming from someone who has caretaken people her virtually her whole life ) is that what we can do from the outside rarely affects the path people  choose except very temporarily .  

The Chinese would call it fate .

To them, you only interfere in someones fate ( ie save their life if you can ) if youre willing to take them on as a burden for the rest of their life .... which can also mean a significant energy and time investment for the rest of YOURS .  

Theres a lot of truth in these age old theories Ive found as a person who used to compulsively  "rescue"  and " help " everyone I could regardless of the consequences for myself.  

I was always utterly surprised how fast their lives returned to their pre- Ava chaos the second i stopped  focusing on them too .  

Now i focus on ME ..and invest my precious irreplacable time and energy on improving MY life rather than helping others in some vain wait for someone else to turn around and care about me or help me after Ive helped them .  

I realize I wasn't put on this earth to solve other peoples chronic problems ...  but rather to make great art and to make a contribution to society as a whole rather than improving the day to day life of unappreciative , messed up individuals who are incapable of caring about me  since they care so little  ( usually ) about themselves .   

You're right. If I'd been geographically closer, I probably would have taken on more and more. She had diagnosed depression for sure and had tried to commit suicide a couple of times before. It was so sad though, the people she loved most rejected her. Her parents were golden though. I wish she had gone to them rather than running away.

You and Dee were one of my first friends on OH.  She was always an inspiration to me.  Be at peace my friend.

I sometimes wonder about the power of dreams and what our subconscious is trying to tell us.  Perhaps it was the part of you dealing with it and letting go.  I know exactly what you mean though, that if you were closer geographically you would have taken on more.  I'm the same way.  Its the caregiver in us.  We don't like to see our friends hurting.

Babeeeeee, if you were to tell my mom about your dream, she, who is very spiritualistic and believes that life beyond the physical body is like things you see on movies like "Ghost" or "What Dreams May Come", she would surely have a more transcendental explanation for your dream.

Like others posted, you still have a strong remembrance of Dee and added to the cold medication, those subconcious presence of her came abreast in a vivid dream.

The cool part is that you got to hug her. You are cool and caring even in your dreams babeeeeeee.

I have had some crazy dreams, but not like that.
Maybe since she has been on your mind, she found her way into your dream.
Glad you got to hug her, maybe that was her way of giving you some closure.
 

You gave me the chills Gina.  A week after my Dad died, I swear he came back to talk to me in my dreams.  He told me what relatives he was seeing and he told me not to worry about my Mom because he was looking out for her.  I was 3 months pregnant with my first one and it really calmed me.   You were probably wishing that you could have given her just one more hug.