Scared to have surgery

I'll be 47 in about 1 month. I'm afraid I'll die if I have the surgery but I'm afraid I'll die if I don't. I am trying to accept that this is not my fault--people who weigh 100 pounds more than they should do not simply need to go on a diet--but if I should die it will ruin my husband and 4 children's lives. My parents died of tobacco and alcohol abuse when I was in my thirties and it has profoundly affected me. How can I repeat this cycle?! I said I would never do that to my family-Elizabeth

Elizabeth, This is the struggle that we all face when we decide to do this surgery. It took me 5 years to decide I had no choice. I tried other diets, but, my health kept declining and my weight kept increasing. Once my mobility was threatened, I finally decided to do this. I knew I might die from the surgery, so I did a will, a living will and a power of attorney statement. I knew that death was a possibility, albeit, a small one, but, I was very certain that if I didn't do the surgery I would continue to decline. I'm 44 years old, my parents are very young as they were teenagers when I was born. They are 61 and 62. Neither of them can walk! They both are super morbidly obese have diabetes, congestive heart failure and other health problems. I think my future without WLS was 100% that I'd turn out like them. No one can make this decision for you. It is a risk. Actually, a greater risk is whether or not you can really live with the lifestyle changes that success with this surgery is going to demand. It ain't no magic pill. I've done well. I'd be happy to talk more with you if you like. Lori Surgery date: May 23, 2005 Starting weight: 384 Current weight: 263.5 Goal weight: 168

Hey Lori! Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement! I don't know anyone(personnaly) who has had this experience so your response is truly a blessing. Here's my plan- I'm going to read everything I can get my hands on about the surgery, make it through two kids' graduation, try my best(I think I'll give overeater's anonymous a try) and check out a few more surgeons. I'm gonna be praying alot too. Again, thanks! Elizabeth

Elizabeth: Lori made some great points. I won't sugar coat it either. The surgery truly is not a majic pill and will require a lot of commitment on your part. Not only is a significant risk involved, but it is a significant change to your body which will take some time to get used to. I am still a newbie myself at only seven weeks out and I am still adjusting. Overall, I would say I've had it pretty easy compared to some stories I've read and am feeling better every day - but, I still do not feel 100 percent. That said, your fears are normal. I was an emotional basket case for a couple weeks as I agonized over my decision and researched the surgery and my surgeon. My first recommendation is for you to do your own research, make a list of all of your questions and ask your surgeon. Your surgeon should be able to provide you with information about the risks they believe are involved and whether or not your fears are justified. Research your surgeon. Are they board certified? Do they specialize in this surgery? Are they a member of the American Society for Bariatric Surgery? How much of their practice is devoted to bariatric surgery and follow-up care? How many have they performed of the type you are considering (this is an important one - I know doctors have to learn, but not on me)? What is their mortality rate? What is their complication rate for hernias, revisions, strictures? What kind of reputation does the hospital have? Does the hospital specialize in the surgery and have a recovery floor dedicated to bariatric patients? Does the practice provide a team approach with surgeon, behaviorist, dietician and exercise physiologist all on staff? It is indeed hard to reflect on your past to make this decision. I've battled my weight for 40 some years and knew I wasn't likely to be able to significantly lower my weight on my own. I, too, looked at my family history and the direction my health was headed. Although I knew it was a significant risk to my family, I decide that I was pretty healthy overall which would help reduce the risk of complications. Not to trivialize anything (because I worried about my family, too), but at the same time, none of us knows what tomorrow holds - if that big truck will get us crossing the road or whatever. I felt I had to make a plan for the future so that I could enjoy my family and have a better quality of life as long as possible. We discussed the surgery and my family was supportive of my quest for a better life. Good luck on your information gathering and decision making! This is a great place to ask questions - and believe me none are too "off the wall!" I've learned a lot here and am very thankful to all the folks that post.

Hey Matthew! Wow, thanks for your response. It is so kind of you to share your positive experience with me. When I read my WLS books at night I get so freaked out I can't go to sleep (maybe I shoud read them with my morning coffee!!). It is wonderful to have new friends so willing to help me with this BIG decision. I, too, have my family's blessing but in the end it is my very serious decision. I'll keep praying for us all- and I'll be asking lots more questions! Elizabeth

Make sure you are completely informed about everything twice-over. Practice life as if you already have had surgery. That is what I am trying/ doing. It should help. This web site helps a lot too. I'm 45.

Hey Sonya! I think that is great advice to practise life as if- thats the whole thing- giving up those coping skills. It may take me months maybe years to reach that level of committment. Good luck with you and God bless!

Dear Elizabeth, I am 46 years old and was 342 on the day I went into surgery on Dec. 28, 2005! I was scared out of my mind. The surgery lasted only about an hour and I went to sleep in the operating room and woke up in the recovery room. There is some pain. That is true! I had the Lap Band which is less invasive because of being scared and I was afraid to do bypass. I researched this for two years before I had the surgery and I had to fight to get it with my doctor, my insurance company and myself! You have to decide if you are worth it? Your family will love you no matter, but how much more will you love yourself for doing this for yourself? I have lost seventeen pounds since surgery and it is hard still! The surgery doesn't fix your brain. You really have to be ready for a life change! Take the chance Elizabeth. No one will operate on you until you are totally cleared to have surgery. They will test you from every angle and if one thing is not clear, it won't happen. Go through the process and see where God leads you! Good Luck! Terry C

Hey Terry C! Thanks for your input- I am beginning to think that the lapband may be the best option for me although the surgeons at Duke were not that supportive of it (compared to the RNY) I just think it sounds far less invasive and the slower weight loss would be easier to handle. I would rather lose it a little slower(I may be in the minority here- it just sounds healthier to me). It also sounds more easily reversible if problems occur. I know insurance wont pay but do you know any reason the docs would not be in favor of the lap band? Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth, It depends on your size. Most doctors feel that those of us who are "bigger" need the RNY for better weight loss. I got my insurance to pay for the lap-band by citing all the examples of it through Europe. Sharon Osborne and Ann Wilson from Heart have both had the lap band and have had great success with it. Good Luck! Terry C