I need your feedback!

Hi all, I need your feedback about a situation I encountered over the weekend. I went out to dinner friday night with one of my two best friends who has been tremendously supportive of my weight loss efforts. She struggles with a weight problem herself, but not to the magnitude that requires surgery. She wanted some shopping assistance for an upcoming wedding, and I'm proud to say we found her a dress, shoes and jewelry that made her feel wonderful and looked fantastic on her. I was happy to give her that mileage. Then we had Mexican. I'm sure some of you can relate to the challenge of being overwhelmed with an oversized portion of food. I drank half a margarita and ate 6 tortilla chips, broken into quarters, dipped in salsa. She finished the basket. She ordered Chimichangas and cleaned her plate, then afterwards had to unbutton her jeans on the ride home because she felt overly stuffed. I ordered pollo en mole poblano. Bravely I tackled the dish, eating approximately a half cup of the chicken and sauce, and a few bites of each of the beans, rice and salad. All total, it was about one cup of food. There must have been 8 on my plate! She seemed mortified that the small amount was all I could eat. She worried that I am turning anorexic and wondered if that is a side effect of the surgery. I told her I supposed it could happen, but make no mistake, I'm not done with weight loss, and the band is in control. She expressed concern about my calorie intake, and I recounted everything I ate that day, factoring in the 8 peanut m&m's and my 65 grams of protein that added up to about 1300 calories. She told me I should take the leftovers home, and I said that if I was going to just throw something out I wasn't going to bother with putting it in my garbage, it was better off in the restaurant's. I said that dining out was more about a social experience and enjoying her company than what I was actually eating. I reminded her that the process of getting banded was one of the most challenging, devastating and difficult things I had ever done in my life, and what I was eating was just one component - exercising 5-7 hours a week also adds - but is a tremendous amount of work. I also reminded her how important she is to me, and that I would never have been able to do this without her support to lean on. As we were finishing this conversation, I was finishing my dinner, feeling pressured to eat more. I took a bite of the chicken, and - you guessed it - STUCKAGE. So there I was trying to be the perfect bandster and fulfilling her prophecy of being an anorexic! It's kind of funny. As I progress on this journey, I'm more and more aware that to be successful I need to meet these difficult situations head on, and I can no longer eat over them. I feel a little bit like I was sabotaged here, although I know she didn't mean to do that. It's her issue, not mine, but I'm a caring and supportive friend. The difference is I can no longer react in the manner I used to - I need to put myself first. But the feelings and the relationship are still there, and they need to be managed, you know? As I'm going this summer, I'm encountering moments of sabotage, and I'm realizing that more important than the weight loss, the work and the exercise, learning how to deal with these subtle, well-intended yet destructive things is going to be a key to my long-term success. From everyone - even in my most critical relationships. I am proud of how I look because I know how much work its taken to get here. And God help me if I ever go back. Change starts from within, the external changes are just a bonus! I feel the need to share this experience and welcome your feedback. Is there something more or different that I could have done to improve this situation? Yours in 176 pounds down, Jen

Dear Jen: You don't need to justify how much you eat to anyone. You might consider asking for a "to go" box at the start of your meal, and only leave the amount you want to eat on your plate. If anyone comments on how much you eat, simply tell them you appreciate their concern, but you are eating as much as your stomach allows at this time. Tell them your Dr is very satisfied with your calorie consumption, and so are you! as time goes on, you will be able to eat more, and won't stand out as much. I would not go into any detail. Just state that fact and tell them you would rather not discuss it any further as you trust your Dr's expertise, and change the subject! It is not them who has to suffer the consequences of overeating, it's not worth it to push your limits and suffer afterwards!! Be strong, and best of luck!!! As long as yourfriends see your resolve and understand it's not open for discussion, hopefully they will not pressure you any longer!!! DeeAnn R

I think you are fine.. unless you wanted to mention to her your concern about her eating portions and your concern that she must unbutton her pants inorder to be "comfortable" .. we Know our boundaries and limits.. and "outsiders" will probably never understand especially if the have a over-weight issue themselves.. so all we can do is what's best for us.. Rhonda

U are fine stop worrying about what others think .i am in the same place.because i can only eat a little bit.so,u are fine.stay safe and positive.just know God is the man in charge.if i can do anything to help u .i will.as.long as you are ok .and this is your journey.stay positive and keep your head up.tina boton

I'm with you. I just went to eat Mexican - had about 6-7 chips with salsa and 2 bites of my salad. Fortunately, my friends didn't say anything - but I guess I could have saved the $12!

I haven't had surgery yet so I can understand why she would say those things to you. I don't think she was trying to sabotage you, but think she feels close enough to you that she can ask, or say anything she's feeling. I am not saying it was right for her to say those things, but as a good friend she was showing concern, and she is probably feeling a little envious that you now have your weight and diet under control when she doesn't. You have lost a lot of weight and I think it's only normal that the people who care about you are going to want to make sure you are getting enough to eat and are not turning anorexic. Keep positive, I think a lot of questions and concerns from those who have not experienced what you have are just wanting to learn more about your WLS. You should be really proud of yourself!

i think you are doing fine,,,,its funny people will say,,,,,arent you eating to much,,,now,,,shouldnt you be eating more,,,,,go figure,,,,,,,anyway,,,im reading a book WLS for dummys,,,it will help you ,,,and you can let her read it so she can understand what you are going though and be alittle more understanding,,,on portion size,,,,i think this will help, hugs, sandy

I had been in the same situation, and have learned to "play with my food" "[ They talked about this at the OH conference and it works. ]so others don't treat me as if I have a eating disorder. especially in situations where people don't know I have had the surgery. And for my family who know and still give me those comments. I just politely tell them that I am fine and please keep those comments to themselves.