Hello everyone, Im almost at my year anniversary and going through a personality change,

I have lost just over 100 lbs but now I feel like Im struggling with trying to define who I am...Some so called friends dont call me anymore and Im wondering if they are feeling threatened by my new figure.  I feel like Im the same person but now I dont get invited to as many social gatherings as I used to and Im kind of getting depressed about it.  Also Im still not used to the compliments I get from aquaintences @ work or whatever.  I sometimes feel like I dont know who I am anymore.

This is supposed to be the best time in my life, I feel absolutely awesome and dont understand why some people are shunning me.
Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Hi Trish,

It's amazing how certain life changes truly show us who are "true" friends are. Yes, I do think your "friends" feel very threatened by who you have become. When we start to improve ourselves, we can't help but feel better about ourselves. For some people when they see someone who has never been as confident before become confident it scares them. I guess it's so much easier having a friend who doesn't have a self-esteem, because we can be so reliable. I don't think you have changed, but maybe your outlook on who you are has. I would get out and meet new friends.

I hope you find peace with yourself

Paulette

Yes, I have experienced this myself. I have lost touch with some friends who I considered close friends a year ago... some I haven't heard from or seen in 6 months. It really hurts. One friend did admit to me that she would hide when she was in my neighborhood because she didn't want to see me since we'd both been trying to lose for awhile. Ouch. I never thought this was a competition.

I also know what you mean about compliments from colleagues and acquaintances. My weight loss at my large office has become a public spectacle of sorts- people who never even spoke to me are suddenly using any opportunity to either compliment my loss or ask me, "What's your secret?"

This has been a huge life change for me. On top of all the changes and how this has impacted my relationships in all aspects of my life, I'm going through finding my new found self all over again. Its weird. Its overwhelming. And yes, its depressing. Hang in there... you're not alone!

You know what they say Misery loves company and they see that you are beautiful and have it going on, they don't want you to take their spotlight and you know what I say The hell with them get new friends because if they treat you this way, then were they ever really your friends in the first place.  I hate for you to have to go through this because right now this should be the time of your life people only see the outside and not the inside that's hurting I think that is what is wrong with people today.  Baby keep your head up, and enjoy those compliments, the only thing that has changed is your body size, and from what i can tell it is their LOSS.

As the others, I lost a few friends too.... It hurt because I thought we were good friends... but I guess image got in the way...and it wasn't from my end. I stayed "me" I think people get used to us being the token "fat friend" and when we lost the weight we became, in their eyes, competition.... I didn't get invited out with certain groups of friends but eventualy I found a new set of friends who accepted me for me. It's sad how people act. You think they would be happy for you but they end up threatened for some weird reason.... I can tell you after 6 years I still am not used to compliments. Sometimes my friends will tell me that someone was checking me out and I just didn't see it.... just stay "you" and everyone will evenually get over it or you will find true friends who will enjoy you for you! 

I haven't had this problem too much- i did learn to be confident enough to stand up to a family member who thinks everything has to be her way or it is wrong. I finally stood up to her.  We speak on family topics but are not too much in the "friends and family" catagory any more. She is used to getting her way. And she didn't the last couple of times we talked. It is sad- But we do take on a different mental state as well as a different physical state. I don't think it is anything that wasn't already within us- just it stands out more as our self-esteem grows. People sometimes feel threatened because they didn't see that in us prior to weight loss- we are good at hiding it. We protect our feelings.

Perhaps- instead of just writing them off- a talk with them might open your eyes, or their eyes, and the friendship can be fixed. If not- move on. They may feel that you don't need them- despite how you may act- perhaps their self-esteem leaves them feeling like this. So don't just write them off without talking to them. Let them know you are hurt. Ask if you did something.

good luck.

as far as the comliments, it is hard to take them. BUT know you deserve it. Say - THANK YOU smile and go on. Learn to be the same way- give a compliment to co workers. Makes us all feel good about ourselves- both in giving and receiving a compliment!! enjoy them!