venting
Well... yesterday I decided to send an email out to all my close friends and family making them aware of my choice to have WLS and my upcoming surgery date. When I first decided to have the surgery I was not going to tell anyone and as I reasearched and educated myself... I also became more confident in my choice and the procedure. I also feel there is nothing for me to be ashamed of so why not tell. My point is I put it all out on the line knowing that there well be people that do not agree with my choice. Right now I have gotten 2 emails back filled with love, support and encouragement. The rest have gone unanswered. I dont know why but i feel angry....even though I knew that some people would not agree. My mother in law actually said to me after 20 seconds of no words "well have you ever tried weigh****chers?" grrr.... How do i deal with the people that just dont get it? How do I deal with the people that think this is the easy way out? maybe I should have jsut kept my mouth shut...
The easy way out is staying overweight and dying from obesity complications.
Going through months of pre-op exams / diets, getting cut open, having your insides rearranged, watching every single thing you put in your mouth for the rest of your life, the risks, etc. is NOT the easy way out!
However most unfortunately, the worst thing about ignorance is its insistence.
I always tell people that complain I am taking the easy way out that once they start paying my medical bills, the bills for my expensive large sized clothes, plus all the other incurred expenses, THEN I'll care what they have to say. I tell them until then, they can feel free to keep their ignorant, misinformed opinions to themselves.
Hang in there. After all, you are doing this for you, not them.
The EASY WAY OUT!!! that gets me so mad....just hand them the link to the memorial page...and see how "easy" it is.
WLS is just the 1st step to getting to your goal weight, it's not easy, it's work. Trying to balance getting in protein, with taking suppliments, relearning how your body works, adding in exercise, learning to control bad habits like emotional eating etc.
Unfortunately, no matter how much information you give people, most people who have never struggled with obesity (and sometimes the ones that don't think they are obese and really are) dont' get it.
Scott
Sweetie;
Well, don't be upset that people haven't responded. You put a lot of information out there and some people may just need to digest it a little before they know what to say.
There were less than 5 people that knew about my surgery pre-op. Now, a few more know, but for the most part, I'm not forthcoming about how I lost my weight. This weekend, I'm out at the Texas Gulf Coast with 8 girlfriends and my mom. Of everyone here, my mom is the only one that knows I had WLS. Last night, I was eating like the others trying to fit in and my pouch kicked my ass for it . Tonight, I've been face down in the toilet again. One of my friends here keeps insisting I take some alka-seltzer. I keep politely turning her down, but I know she's got to be curious as to why and all I keep thinking is alka-seltzer would kill me at this moment. I wonder if I was open and let everyone know, if I wouldn't keep putting myself in this position.
Anyway, I find it brave that you feel confident enough in your decision and yourself to let people in. I'm sorry not everyone is reacting as you'd hoped.
Blessings,
Jennifer
How many people complain about not being able to lose 5-15lbs.? You hear about it all of the time but they expect you to lose 100+. WRONG.
I admire your choice to make everyone aware that you are having WLS.The only way to fight the shame and ignorance is to make the success stories more commonly heard than the horror stories that get told over and over. Even though you don't owe anyone an explanation ,the more people you educate the less powerful the horror stories become. A lot of people don't show support due their concern for your safety. Others just can't imagine the life we live so they can't imagine having WLS. Amazingly getting a face lift or breast implants is acceptable and even admired.
What a world we live in.
Stay strong. I am still pre-op hoping to get approved before the end of this year.Please keep paving the way for those who are behind you on this path.We really do appreciate it.
Dannielle
Hi Maris....I must tell you........dont waste your energy on people ignorance.
I was fortunate to have great family support...of course they wished I wouldnt do something so serious but they also knew I was educated and made a smart choice.
They have been GREAT! Im fortunate....but I did have a few people I work with, along with one of my best friends *****fused to talk to me about it, wouldnt get in on my conversations about it or anything....that hurt then I thought HECK NO Im not letting anyone make me question this...they are the uneducated ignorant ones...
So....to those people who said things to me...I woud say well this is a personal decision and I have educated myself on it, and until you can give me an educated opinion, you simply dont have the right to have any opinion at all...
And that was shocking to me that I actually stood up for myself like that...cause Im miss peacemaker to everyone...but it was true..they were ignorant on the subject.
So...those who cared to...I let them have my book to take home and STUDY..then they returned it saying....ummmm sorry I had no idea....that is going to be so hard!
They appreciated me educating them, now Im surrounded by nothing but support and that really helps!
With the exception of one person, every woman (and most of the men) in my Mom's family are obese.
However, they would ALL treat me differently and make assanine comments to me if they knew about my lap band.
For this reason, the only person in my entire family who is aware of my surgery is my Mother. After seeing what has worked for me, she is now having the surgery on the 27th of this month. lol
Hi Maris. All I can say people fear what they don't understand. I decided to tell most people about my decision. I got some words of encouragement, some negativity, but mostly people who were....unsure of whether it was a good idea. You know, the ones that give you funny looks?
All I can say is, this choice is something you've made for yourself. Just like everything else in life, some will be supportive, others will be beating ,you up for it.
Almost two years out, I've decided not to tell anyone anymore. Not because I'm ashamed of the surgery (although i am ashamed I let myself get that far), but simply because I feel people think this really is the easy way out. But it's really not. Our minds aren't fixed. Our emotions are fixed. OUr hurt isn't fixed. Our pain and experiences we carry with us. You just have to take the hits with your head up, because you know this will change your life. A year from now, when people see the change, you'll find many to be singing a different tune.
My boyfriend is a good example. He would've dragged me out the hospital if he could because he was so against it. He kept telling me the same thing. Can't you just diet and exercise it off? Areahgi;oeargio;ae!!! ARe you kidding?!!!???? This is a guy who's been with me for 8 friggin years! he saw me struggle through countless diets, putting hours and hours a DAY into the gym! Still he was against it. No point in changing his mind. I did it anyway. And know what? He loves the new me.
Good luck.
Lap