How do you deal with dating post op

Hi, I have been obese all my life and never really attracted attention from guys. I have only lost 42 lbs. so I still haven't had to deal with this yet but what do you do when a guy shows interest in you. As I said I have been obese all my life so guys were never really interested and I never had the chance to experience this in high school like normal high school girls. Now I am 21 and I am kind of scared. It is like I am behind the curve. I hope people who have experienced the same things can give me some advice and insight.

Dear Amy, I also have never attracted attention from guys. If I ever did, I guess my face was so close to the ground that I didn't notice. The only advice I can give you is that when the guys do start paying attention, reli****! But please don't think that every guy who does pay you attention, is worth yours. I say if he wasn't interested in me before, he doesn't deserve me now. Now obviously I have to offer some nice guys a bit of leniency on that rule, because I never had attention before: I'm coming to understand that when I didn't love myself, when I couldn't even look up and meet someone's eyes because I was so ashamed of my weight, how could a sweet guy ever get to know me, you know? I'm working on myself now, loving me first and foremost. It's hard work! (Harder then anything I've ever done, actually.) I am very open and honest about my surgery. If I meet a guy online, I share not only my 'now' pictures, but my pre-op ones too. That's me. I'm the same girl on the inside. (minus the fact that I'm working on my self-esteem/self-image) If they can't handle that, they aren't worth my time. There are SO MANY guys out there. Please please please, don't settle for a jerk! (Kinda telling myself this too! hehe) Hope you find some sure-footing, Amanda in Akron (Ohio) BPD/DS by Dr. John Maguire 09/22/2005 21 years old, 5'2" tall 364/260-ish/size 10 dress or pants surgery weight/current weight/goal

Hi Amy, I, too have been obese all my life and have never really dated. I've gone on one date my entire life, and it was a blind date! The guy was really cute and sweet, but after that first date, he just wanted to be "friends". Go figure. Since then, I've had my surgery and have lost almost 90 pounds. I went to my friend's daughter's 3rd b-day party and he was there. He was asking our mutual friends about me and telling them how good I looked and that he wanted to ask me out again! I ended up turning him down. If he didn't like me then, why would he like me now? That just shows how shallow he was. I still haven't had any dates since then, but I did have another guy ask me out, but I turned him down also. When I think back, I have all kinds of "reasons" why he's not right (he looks too old, he is a mechanic-there's nothing wrong with that, he's got scary clown tattoos), but there really wasn't anything truly wrong with him so I'm thinking that I've put up some kind of "man" barriers or something. It's so wierd having guys interested in ME after all these years of being ignored and overlooked! I think I need to build up my confidence and just have fun, so I guess I suggest the same to you as well. If you ever want to talk or "man" vent, lol , you can email anytime. -Lynn Lap RNY 8-16-05 297/209/140

Lynn, Good for you!!! Your post made me smile. =) I have had a *little* bit of attention from some (not so good) guys... So far, that's all the attention I've got. At first, to be very honest, I felt like I had no right to be picky about a guy. I know now that that is very wrong thinking! Keep those standards high: things that would bother you about this guy in 5 years (if you're looking for an LTR type thing) are not being too picky. Besides, even if they are being too picky, who cares? You have every right to choose who you want to spend your very valuable time with. Good job Lynn. =) Amanda in Akron (Ohio) Lynn said, "I, too have been obese all my life and have never really dated. I've gone on one date my entire life, and it was a blind date! The guy was really cute and sweet, but after that first date, he just wanted to be "friends". Go figure. Since then, I've had my surgery and have lost almost 90 pounds. I went to my friend's daughter's 3rd b-day party and he was there. He was asking our mutual friends about me and telling them how good I looked and that he wanted to ask me out again! I ended up turning him down. If he didn't like me then, why would he like me now? That just shows how shallow he was."

Thanks Amanda. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself for turning him down. Now I can't wait to see him at our mutual friend's parties and stuff just to show him what he missed out on and what he will never have, hehehe! -Lynn Lap RNY 8-16-05 297/209/140

You guys are looking great and thank you for your honest and caring words. I know I am worth it and I know I deserve a good guy it is just after you have been treated like a second class citizen your whole life you tend to need a little reminding. When the time comes and guys (other than the old perverts) start getting interested I hope I can be brave and take down some of my barriers so they can see the real me. Good luck all you single ladies and gentlemen and I hope you all find your true and perfect mate. Amy

i've recently started dating an ex-boyfriend (from high school and college) who knew me back when i was a little bigger than i am now but lost contact for the past five years and didn't know me when i was at my highest weight. i pretty much made a decision to be very candid and open with him about WLS because post-op stuff is still a big part of my life and now his. since we've dated before, i know he's one of the good guys that woulda stuck around despite the weight if we hadn't had broken up (for other reasons - i moved to another state). to be honest, i don't know if i'd feel comfortable dating someone new and waiting to see if i could trust him with my heart. and of course i'm all crazy in puppy love with the new boyfriend can't imagine dating anyone else anyway. i say enjoy yourself & the new attention but be careful. just because you're skinnier doesn't mean your heart and self-image can't take a beating! -kari

Hi Kari Thanks for the dating advice and congrats on your weight loss - your after pics look great! PS- Thanks for getting me hooked on craftster swaps! I just sent my 2nd one and are planning my 3rd! -Lynn Lap RNY 8-16-05 297/209/140

lynn! yea, for craft swaps! i'm finishing up with the crafty mixed cd swap and working on the i heart coffee/tea and redheaded pride swap. what ones are you in?

I've done the bracelet swap and just sent (on wednesday) out for the accessorize me swap. I'm also doing the artsy craftsy challenge and project spectrum so I think I'm gonna hold off on the swaps until next month. I'm having a lot of fun though. -Lynn Lap RNY 8-16-05 297/208/140