I need some thoughts...

Okay...here is my dilemma. I had wls in May 2004. At 5'6, I weighed over 320lbs. Now I weigh about 145ish. I'm 22 years old and I've never had sex or really been intimate with men in any way. I just stayed away from it because I was uncomfortable with myself and my body(hopefully some people can relate). Now I am in a the beginning stages of a relationship and things are progressing rather quickly(which isn't necessarily bad) But even with the weight off, there is the issue of left over skin. I exercise but there is still quite a lot left and I will not be able to do anything about this(surgery wise****il the summer at least and even then it'll be in small parts. My breasts have all but deflated and my stomach looks like it's melted. I also have the droopy skin around my arms and legs, but nothing bothers me more then my breasts and stomach. I find it a complete turn off. I worry the person I am with will too. I really don't know how to bring it up with him. The sane part of my brain says that if he's uncomfortable with it, he's not worth it-which is fine. But at the same time, telling people about this surgery and my issues with my body are things I'm going to have to do with every relationship I am in. I guess what I'm asking is, where should I start with this? I'm completely clueless.

My personal opinion is that if sex is getting close then you must be close personally with this guy and if that's the case nothing will make you feel better than to tell him how you are feeling! seriously....get it off your chest girl!! and you are right if he doesn't like it then he's not worth it! if you are sure about this guy then take a chance and tell him how you are feeling and why! Good Luck!!

Personally, I find it easier to just let the guy know I've gone thruogh the surgery because lets face it -- You can't hide your past. Talk to him. He may or may not understand but hey guess what? If it doesn't work... There's a million more men in the sea that WILL understand! Again. Talk to him.

I don't know of any advice to offer you... The sane part of my brain tells me the same things yours does. It's knowing the right thing, and feeling/acting on it, that are two different things! I was 364 pounds and 5'2"... I'm down about 100, still have a lot more to lose, but already my skin issues are pretty bad. =( I like to think ahead, and have already gone over this specific scenario 800 million times in my head. So I feel for you, I really do. You are SO worth a guy to love you, all of you. And as 1 poster said, if it's getting to the point of sex, that means you need to be emotionally close to him on all levels. Does he even know you had WLS? I tell everyone, right up front (people who are date-potential that is)... Maybe that's my way of protecing myself. Yes, some guys have run the other way, and yes, it hurts... But I'd rather know before I get involved, than after I care for a man and come to find he won't accept me how I am. Because, knowing me, I'd blame myself, or try to change to make him love me, etc. What you've got to also understand is that the world has been touting a fake image of what real beauty is... And, I admit, I am at the mercy of it too. Yes, I do wish that I have a porn star body, perfect boobs, no sag, hairless legs, white teeth, etc. (I could go on and on! lol) That's truthfully not how it's ever gonna be. *shrugs* I hope your guy is able to realize that as well. (((Hugs))) Amanda

I too am 22 yearsold and believe that you probablly feel close to him if your are thinking about him being your first. DId you ever think that even though you have the excess skin it just shows how far you have come. If you don't feel comfortable with telling him how you lost it just say you lost a lot of weight and have excess skin. It's not like you have "fat" it's skin and shows just how far you have come.