PLEASE READ ESPECIALLY IF MARRIED I NEED ADVICE

I am just not feeling okay. I have some major issues with what I should do in my situation. I had a lapband done in 2003 to make a long story short I am having serious problems with it. I have decided for my health to remove it. I have also pursued removing it and doing the RNY. That's great if your insurance approves it. I tried through Medicaid and got denied. Needless to say I was dissapointed. Now I have Coventry, all my papers and now a letter from three of my doctors saying to get the RNY. If coventry does not approve this what am I to do? I cant and will not fix the lapband because it just is not doing anything for me except cause worse breathing problems and reflux. Not to mention I have been worse off getting it than just being at my preop weight which sadly I am back to anyway. I am not understanding why the state wont help people like me who have no home and can hardly pay bills but everyone else seems to get help. My family of three is surviving off of one income and we struggle to the point I am in tears. I feel like no one sees us needing assistance. I tried to stay on Medicaid but we make a little above the quota I was told and also told that for food stamps but yet we struggle to pay for things. I am currently not working because I am dealing with trying to feel better. My last resort will be self paying but I just cant see how we could do that again. Yes again.. I still owe alot on the lap band I am trying to remove. So I guess I am supposed to just sit here and suffer and try not to lose it waiting until 20,000 falls out of the sky or someone approves my surgery. Assistance is there for people who need it and I do need it. But no one will help me it seems. So I am torn between just removing the band and fixing a umbillical hernia or removing the band and getting the rny. No matter what I have to go in for surgery. I dont know how much longer I can safely stay with the lapband inside of me. Its already been too long. I've been suffering with it since 2003. Another thing is my husband. We went to the seminar he saw what the doctor had to say saw the patients got informed and gladly told me yes do this I would if I were you. He was being supportive of me doing the gastric bypass. Then I was being scared and started blabbing away about the RNY and the dangers and just everything and he said now that you said all of that I dont want you to have it. I also mentioned about having another baby and being scared of that after RNY. And wondering if I should have another baby before surgery then do the RNY after. Why did I do that? I needed him to be supportive and I talked him out of it. Now he doesnt even consider it. I am allowed to be scared and thats why I acted like that. I also have been delt a whole lot and just needed assurance. I am 27 years old and 5ft5 and approx. 317 pounds. I do want to extend my family but I am not sure what should be done first I do know that at this time I am very uncomfotable about my weight and also fearful of my husband if I do the RNY. I love him very much and want him beside me and not being weird if I lose weight. Many people have husbands and do wls and are fine and work as a team and I want to be like that as well. Yes change will occur because of weightloss but I think for the better. I will be healthy and be able to take care of my son and be there for my husband and most of all be happy. Anyway, If someone is even reading this this is where I am right now and I am so very sad and have no one to really counsel me about things. Or to even give their opinion.

Hi Kit, first off I am so sorry you are not feeling well and that the band has not been a success for you. I am also sorry to hear about your financial situation. I agree with what you say about the state not helping when people are most in need and help is denied just because you make a little over the quota. I plan on getting the gastric bypass surgery in Feb. and I wouldn't be doing this had I not learned about the procedure. My husband was the one who originally wanted to get the surgery done (he is still in the process) and when he first told me about it about 2yrs. ago I was not happy with that decision. I told/begged him not to do it. I was afraid for him and I also didn't know anything about it. Your husband is probably afraid for you as any normal person would be. You said he's gone to a seminar about it? I went to 2 before I realized this procedure was not as bad as I pictured it to be. I guess as I started researching more and learning about it I stopped thinking about the bad things that could happen (risks are present in any surgery) and started seeing all the benefits of having it. Maybe you should point out the benefits to your husband? Do some more research and present it to him. Reading posts on the OH boards have helped me as well. Maybe doing this will put his mind at ease and give you the support you need. Just my thoughts. I hope that what your going through is resolved soon and that you are able to get the surgery. Keep us updated. Best wishes.... Elisa

HI kit, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Let me say first off that it sounds like you are just stressed out and need somewhere to turn. My doors are always open if you need someone to talk to about things. We have all felt the way you are felling at one time or another. ok so I read that you are not currently working. I understand that you need to heal and get your head in the right place, but it seems to me that the only way you are going to get this RNY paid for is with medical insurance, and the only way to do that is to get a job. as for your husband , he will come around. My husband was also concerned when I chose to do this, but I presented him with all the facts. The dangers of surgery verses the dangers of staying obese....trust me surgery is WAYYY safer in the long run. If he loves you wich Im sure he does he is just worried and does not want to lose you, but he will understand what is healthier and better for your happieness also. Your son needs an active healthy mommy to teach him good eating habits and an active lifestyle, and you will be able to have more babies when you are ready, you just have to wait 1 year after RNY, that time will go by very quickly. so lets see, I think my best advice would be to sit down, relax and write down a plan. whatever it is, make small steps to achieve a goal. work everyday on that plan. and eventually you will succeeed. again if you ever need anything feel free to mail me,-Laura

Hey thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it. I actually do have a job but have not gone back yet since the hurricane. Which is reasons why we are so tight right now financially. I also need to get my band removed before even attempting work. The reason is I would work and then get sick to where I couldnt keep my schedule. I would always get hospitalized and have to tell my boss I am not well again. I have severe asthma and also complications from my band and that is keeping me from keeping my job. Now when I get that taken care of I am soo going back. My employer doesnt have any benefits though. And the baby thing is just a thought it is not something I am really going to do until I am much healthier and a lower weight.

Ah Kit, I'm glad you vented and got all this stuff off your chest! It's soo important not to panic. I've been in tight financial situations myself and I know that panicing doesn't bring out the most resourcful and motivated thinking, it just keeps you in a state of red alert and perpetuates the cycle. So feel free to ***** and moan on this board because that's what its here for! I think it sucks that the state considers gastric bypass surgery cosmetic. At 300 lbs, its not cosmetic, it's necessary! Have you read about the so-called 1/2 ton man? You might be encouraged by reading his story - http://www.journalstar.com/articles/2005/04/17/special/doc4262fb208e33d250692135.txt It doesn't surprise me that your hubby is nervous about the RYN operation. After all, the lap band isn't working for you and he sees the complications that's given you on a daily basis. I was really cautious when researching my doctor (I had lap RYN 3 months ago with no complications) and made sure to find one with impressive statistics - lots of past surguries and lower-than-normal complications/deaths. You might attend more than one symposium by more than one doctor/hospital. Not all doctors are the same! The biggest thing I had to come to terms with was that my current health WAS putting me at risk - for I had beginning symptoms of diabetis, poly-cystic ovary syndrom & sleep apnea - so the risk of living in my body at it's current state was outweighing the risks of surgery. Which is why I'd say hold off on having another kid right now, you'd be a high-risk pregnancy! Esp. with financial troubles because kids aren't cheap. Spend some time researching your options for corrective RYN surgery and come up with a plan for saving up or appealing to the state to cover the costs or finding a job with Blue Cross health insurance (one of the insurance companies that still covers the procedure). You can also get a privately-paid for health insurance plan which I know, is expensive. But it's cheaper than paying the whole cost of surgery. Or, investigate about joining a pool for self-employed people who often get 5 or more together and becoming their own group for lowered insurance costs. Best of luck and don't loose heart Kit! -Kari

Sorry to hear about all your problems. I think it's the nature of all family members to be concerned about surgeries of any kind. I am excited about my RNY on Friday, while my husband is scared. Husbands are put here to protect us, and that's all your husband is trying to do. The first question I asked when I went in to meet my dr. was if I could have more children, and breastfeed them after the RNY. He said that I should wait until 2 years out, but at that point it should be no problem. It's actually healthier for you and the baby to be pregnant at a lower weight. I also know that in life being over weight is riskier than having WLS. This site tells more about that. http://www.bariatricbytes.com/risks.html I don't know much about the lap band, but I know it's adjustable. I guess if it isn't working for you then having it adjusted wouldn't help. If you would like to email me feel free to. I could give me you my phone number if you'd like to talk. Amy