Confidence Issues... Why am I such a Chicken?

Hey Everyone! Okay so I just wrote this email to a dear OH friend... regarding my confidence or lack there of as it may be... I was wondering if anyone one else has felt this way? Here are a couple of bits from the letter... Any advice would be appreciate! Thanks! Bridget 280/208/140ish "Why am I such a Chicken???" Okay so here is my dilemma... So generally I am a pretty confident person... I don't really take **** from anyone, and always have the well its my way or the highway type of approach to life... Because generally speaking I don't care that much what others think of me... I like me and thats what matters right? But when it comes to men, and only ones that I am interested, I am a complete and udder mess and have ZERO confidence. I mean I am down 72 pounds in less than 4 months... who wouldn't have more confidence?!?!?!? I don't get it... when they doled out my confidence, did they forget to put some in the jar called men?? I am sure you are wondering where that tangent came from so here goes... While working at my last account, I hire this guy named Jason... Totally hot guy, about 25 or so... funny, charming, he is in a band... a little bit of the bad boy image... but just bad enough you know? So anyways, we have been flirty flirt flirting (my new term... I just love it) for a couple of months... but due to the fact that I am kinda his boss nothing could ever come of it you know? So, I was just polite... of course i flirted back a little but, I didn't ever think anything would come of it... Well on my last day there, he asked for my number... well we ended up exchanging numbers and he told me to give him a call when I got back in town (this was the day I left for cali... Tuesday Nov 22nd to be exact... ) So well being the semi-game player that I am and not wanting to seem overly interested... I didn't send him a text message until today... Plus I was sick and feeling icky so i didn't even think about calling texting him... Well so I did today... and we text messaged back and forth... I was so nervous the whole entire time... afraid that I was going to make a "fatal error" as sex in the city termed it... I mean come on... i shouldn't be like this... I feel like I am 14 again... Do you have any self confidence issues? I mean generally speaking I would consider myself a good catch... I am funny, smart, not bad looking (I mean I am not a supermodel, but i don't look like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down either)... You would think I would have more confidence? Now, I do believe that some of my weight gain was due to the lack of confidence and making myself as unattractive as possible that way I wouldn't have to deal with situations like this you know? Then the other thing I have been thinking about lately is now that I am thinner and I would put myself on the more just above average size charts, I am kinda bitter at the guys who hit on me... Whats so different now that I am thinner I am okay to date but when I was heavier I wasn't... I am the same person as I was then... so why now? Is it just physical? If all you are interested in is my psysical appearance what happens if I gained weight again? Had children? If you are only attracted to me physically, are you only looking for a lay? I don't know... it just drives me crazy... I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes... I didn't have this surgery so I could fit into a smaller dress size... well yes, it is a bonus, but seriously... And okay so when I do get to my goal weight, and I am a size 8/10, am I going to still have the confidence issues that I had before/today? Am I always going to be a fat girl trapped in a skinny girls body?? Have you felt at all like this or have I fallen of the deep end? Let me know! Any help/advice would be appriciated... Bridget 280/208/140ish RNY 8/8/05

I have some of the same issues. It is hard sometimes. It is so weird now to be hit on. I actually get hit on all the time now, no matter if I am with a guy or not. It is unbelievable. I am almost bitter about the whole situation and that is sad. If they didnt want to talk to me when I was 300lbs then why should they have the right to talk to me now. I know this is totally going to affect any relationship that I get into now. I will always wonder if they would actually be in a relationship with me if I was still 300lbs or not. I know I will never meet a man if I continue on with this bitter attitude so I know I have to drop it and deal with the fact that society bases things on looks. Half the men out there wouldnt have given me a second look when I was 300lbs, but now I have all these guys looking at me. How am I supposed to feel about it? I think it is harder being younger and having to go though this whole dating game thing after losing so much weight. It makes it hard and it makes us bitter.

I know exactly how you feel. I am bitter because I wonder the same thing...why didn't you like me when I was overweight? What was so wrong with me then? What happens if I gain weight again? I question everyone's motive.... There is also the self confidence issue. I started at a 22, now I'm in an 8...but I still see a fat girl. I know that I'm smaller, but I'm always going to be conscience of how I was before. Surgery turned me into a nut. Haha.

You know something I feel this way already! I am pre-op, but I have no confidence when it comes to guys, there is a guy a like now and we have hung out, even now that I am 300+. I still question his motives sometimes now. I really like him, but I am afraid he won't want to get serious with me b/c of the weight thing. After surgery I can really see me developing the "bitterness" towards men. Its like I will be the same person, just weighing less. How does one deal with this!!