Issues With Friends

Hi All, I need some advise and support from my friends here at OH. A few weeks back I went out with some friends. One of my girlfriends started talking about having gall bladder surgery. The subject was quickly changed to me having WLS. I have spoke with all of them on an individual basis about me having WLS. They had been VERY supportive. Then all of a sudden I get all 3 of them together and its like they were ganging up on me. Asking question and making comments such as: You don't need surgery. Have you tried everything or is this just a way out for you. You're not that big. You can't just go by your BMI, it's just a number. I feel that I did handle the situation very well. I explained why I wanted the surgery. I gave the statistics. I explained the pros and cons of the surgery. They say that they are going to support me no matter what, but now I'm not comfortable speaking to them about the surgery or anything related to it, such as Dr. appointments, results or if I even want to tell them when I have a date. Any advise would be greatly appreciated! Thanks Kimmie

hang in there! your friends probably care a great deal about you and are concerned for you! this is a major surgery, things can go wrong and many people do have serious complications. and this is elective, not like gall bladder surgery. however, it's also life-changing, can be fun and difficult and exciting and scary all at the same time. appreciate their concern, respect your personal boundaries and share only the details you're comfy with. if you need to take some time and make some space between them and you, that's okay. you don't have to tell anyone anything. you may also feel differently before and after WLS. personally, i found myself wanting to discuss more details the closer i got to my date and immediately after during the major healing time. it was all i could think about and i appreciated my friend's support and their listening, even when they challenged me. i found it helped me think through the procedure and better prepare for it.

Kari, Thanks for your support. Kimmie

I had the same thing happen to me! but later on you may see that they are just concerned for you and worry abut you...give them time. If they are truely your friends then they will support you what ever you decide...let them know that you have made your decision and need them to be supportive in what you have chosen! you will know your true friends in the end and hopefully they will all still be there. Good luck!

Katheryne, Thanks for your support Kimmie

Hi Kimmie, Please try your best not to shut out your friends in this process. i know it might be rough given how they just treated you, but a support system is so important to your success. Just tell them how you feel about everything they said and ask for their unconditional support. Give them the link to this site and let them see for themselves how great this can be for you. let them know you understand the risks and that you are still moving forward. it isn't easy for friend who think they might lose you. They might fear for you and that is a good friend...they also might fear of losing their fat friend who makes them feel better about themselves. It's hard for people to accept the changes in others so cut them some slack, but maintain your positive perspective no matter what I have some friends who have been nothing but supportive and others have become jealous of my success. In truth this is a great way to see who the true friends are. Best wishes to you!!!! Hugs, Sara

Sara, Thanks for you advice and support! Kimmie

Hi Kimmie, First of all you handled your situation very well. When people would say negative things I would back up my decision with intelligent answers so they would know I was very serious and had done my research. I would always stress........yes I know there are complications but I am ready and willing to deal with any of them to have this life saving surgery. Along the way you are going to have negative reactions no matter what (I am still dealing with them). As long as you know this is the right decision than just go with it. Express to your friends how you feel now after the confrontation and let them know that you want them to be a part of your journey and that you want to share your progress with them. They do sound supportive so I think they will understand. Good Luck with your Journey! --Marianne 5'0 256/122/120

Marianne, Thanks for your advice and support! Kimmie

Hi Kimmie, I am also having a similar problem with my friends. I know they are just worried because of the horror stories of WSL and the fact that we are so young (hehe.. well I'm not that young at 27 LOL) but I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable about talking to them about stuff. I use emails to tell my friends what's happening with my surgery because when stuff like getting your consulatation date or finally getting approved happens you are on cloud nine and want to share it with your best buds without all the uncomfortable-ness. Plus you can put exclamation points all over the place to show how happy this is making you. =D But yeah, the more you talk about it the more they will realize that it is the right thing for you and will be genuinely happy for you and what the surgery will do for you. Good Luck! Jessica