To tell or not to tell that is the ?

Hello everyone- I only told my immediate family about my surgery bc I didn't want to deal w/what they would say to me about it. Now I'm 3 months out and was wanting to tell a few, but I know if I do everyone will know. I start college the 29th and don't wanna stress about them knowing or judging me or not supporting me, hey for all I know some may and others won't. I'm sure a few won't! Maybe more! Debating. Any views? I'd love to hear them!! ~April~ Lap RNY May 13, 2005 231 / 181.5 / 120

I think it's important for you to have someone (outside of this site) that you can talk to about it. Look at your reasons for wanting to tell the other people. Is it because they too are fat and have been asking what your secret is? I think once you tell people who aren't familiar with the procedure, it opens up a whole new world of questioning. People will want the details and may also scrutinize everything you eat, "You sure you can have that?" etc. You also run the risk of being judged and having to defend yourself to ignorant people. People who don't know you that well may label you as the one who had the drastic surgery. You can't undo telling someone something, so be sure what your intent is. It just depends on what type of person you are. I'm pretty private and don't plan on telling most people. In fact, my family probably wont even know. Just my best friend who's a nurse and has been very supportive already.

I dont mind telling people, because if I can help someone I will. I remember how I was pre op I had so many questions and really couldn't find anyone to talk to, so if I can be of help to someone I will

I started out telling only my immediate surgery but as the date got closer I knew I wanted to tell a few others. Not everyone has been supportive it is something I have had to live with. My biggest problem is that my Grandmother feels that EVERYONE in my family has a right to know...what about my RIGHT to privacy! It is a constant battle with her. I have over 13 aunts and uncles, plus their spouses, some of them live far away and I have seen only a few times in my LIFE! How is it their right no know? LOL I only say this to point out one of the problems that can arise from your cituation. I wish you luck in whatever you choose! Ellen

I'm awaiting my surgery date any day now and I've really only discussed it with close, close friends and immediate family. My dad had RYN about a year ago and tells everyone. I'm not so open. Mostly, I'm leary of people judging me or questioning what I eat or really knowing that I did such a major surgery. But I did need a few friends to know, for moral support and because they're gonna be seeing the weight come off quickly. I've got a good network of college friends that I'll be seeing in 8-9 months for a friend's wedding and I've debated telling them. Obviously they will notice the weight loss (though I don't know how far out from surgery I'll be so how knows how much I'll have lost) but I'm not sure yet if I'll confess the secret. I might just bask in their admiration of my superior will-power! It depends, in part, on how much I've lost and how I'm feeling about myself. My dad got more and more excited about his weight loss (100 lbs in 6 months) so he was just giddy to talk about it. Of course he's a guy and they tend to loose faster than women and have less baggy skin issues so I'm not sure how confident I'll be feeling at the 6 month mark. It's just one of those case by case things I think.

BTW, you are lookin' really good in your profile pics! There's a big difference in your face already! How tall are you? Because I'm about the same starting weight and would love to get an idea of how much I'll lose/look like.

I'm 5'1 so I'm a shortie!

Lets see...I think I told everyone . All of my work people know (water cooler gossip, ya can't stop it), and all of my family and friends. Everyone has been majorly supportive, and I haven't regretted telling anyone. The only people who have ever said "are you sure you should be eating that?" are my husband and my best friend...and they are allowed I have had a few of the more..out there...people at work, who thought I got liposuction (yeah, 100# loss with lipo...heh!) and I had to explain it to them, but other than that, I've had no bad comments or anything. Good luck on your continued weight loss!! Genny 358/253/170

Hey April, I know that it is scary because you dont know what to expect of people and of course you dont want any negative comments I too have to deal with that I have had to explain my self over a million times @ work @ school not so much at home other than a coment or to about how confident I am and no one ever really knew how un happy I was about my weight (UGH) I have always been the out going one with my group of friends or family so they were shocked but after explaining to everyone that I am having health complications (@ 24 yrs old) that it was the best thing for me to do ( and seeing my self 100 lbs lighter would'nt be pretty neat) I would be careful of who I tell I was open and like I said I was defending my self alot about wanting to have the surgery I hope I helped you a lil I am sure you will make the best decison for you. Daria

I know how you feel. I wasn't sure who all I wanted to tell, but my mom helped me alot with that. She told alot of my family members before I even had a chance. My family understands the procedure a little because my mom had it done a few years ago. I haven't told anyone at work what surgery I'm having. I told them I have a cyst on my stomach that needs to be removed.That worked well becuase I have gerd and they know I have had several tests done for that. I even told them that I'll have to be on a special diet and will probably lose weight. So far people are buying it. I wouldn't normally lie to people but I just started working here in May and don't know anyone very well yet. Obviously they are going to notice that I'm not at work for three weeks, so I had to tell them something. I'm not going out of my way to tell everyone. I don't want to have to listen to a lot of negative comments from people who don't really know what they are talking about. I'm only telling people on a need to know basis I guess. Who will be able to tell if you just went on a diet and started losing weight...strangers or those we don't see that often don't really need to know.