Confused

Ok so I am 8 months out from my RNY surgery and have lost around 86 pounds. I recently had a hard conversation with my boyfriend of a year and half (friends for 4 years) and we mutually broke up. Reasons being his age ( hes turning 23 & I am 25) and we are just in different spots in our lives, he doesn't do the little things I need to feel loved, he can be selfish at times, I give 120% to our relationship and he does not, I need him to find things I find important (i.e. my family, giving me time for homework) not just the other way around (his family), he has no idea what he is doing in life and needs to figure it out and physically we are a little off. With that being said we love eachother INCREDIBLE amounts and miss eachother immensely.

After we broke up though I had gone out with friends and met someone who works at the bar I was at (not where I ever wanted to meet someone). This person is a great person and I enjoy there values and personality and this started to make me wonder. I have always been a serial monogamous, I think partly because of my weight and jumping in whenever an opportunity arises with the mind set of dealing with the issues and thinking " well at least someone loves me" which is better then no one at all. I have never dealt with compliments and since my ex and I broke up I have had a lot of guys express them to me and am not sure how to react to the attention and opportunities.

In the meantime, my ex and I met up to exchange personal items at eachother's houses and to talk. He thinks we made a mistake and stated he will work on everything ( not the first time he has stated this). I stayed strong and told him we can work on things but we are not getting back together until he proves that things are changed. A few hours after this conversation I found myself racing to his pick up softball league and having an evening where it was like we were together again. His sister in law ( a good friend of mine) said we just need to hug it out so we can stop being sad and that every relationship has problems and he is just being a guy ( no offense to teh men out there). She also stated things can't get better when you have "one foot in and one foot out." This has all thrown me in to confusion.

SO HERE's WHERE I NEED HELP....What do I do? I love/miss him but I am enjoying seeing what else is out there. Is it foolish to think he may actually change so much? I am second guessing how big our problems actually were ( were they maybe smaller?). Should I just cut it off entirely and not look back to stop my self from the temptation of something comfortable. What if there is someone better out there for me. Where do I go from here...

Sorry for such a long post my head is just spinning in circles.

THANK YOU FOR THE HELP!

I think it is only natural to wonder if the grass is greener while deciding if a relationship should continue or not.

You stated your boyfriend has said he'd change in the past and yet, still hasn't, has no future plans, etc (all of which you've asked for before).  It might be time to either cut all ties or just be friends.  Of course you're going to miss each other, relationships(platonic and more) of that long leave lasting impressions.  You will probably have to make these kind of decisions with other relationships as well (I sure did!)

You're staying away for now while he works on his stuff, I say go and have some fun!  Monogomy is in commited relationships, nothing says you can only date one person at a time before deciding if you're ready for a new relationship.  You deserve to focus on you, and if your ex can't support you (homework, family) he doesn't deserve you and you don't need his dead weight.

Just my opinion... :)

I think every relationship goes through a phase where you decide if "this is it" or not. My husband and I went through it. We took a 3 month break and tested the waters and decided that we wanted each other more than anyone else. Of course, we still have issues, but they are small and unimportant in the long run. And he loves me enough to work on the little things and I love him enough to look past the quirks that used to drive me nuts. We've been together for 9 years and have 2 kids now.

You have to decide if being single and free is better than being without him and the comfort of that relationship. I think if you find someone who loves you for everything you are, there is always room for improvement. You have to decide if you broke up because you were unhappy with LIFE, or if you were unhappy with HIM. Good luck!

Hey Girl,
First off I will start off by saying that I am not bitter at all so don't think that by what I am about to say. I totally agree with Jaci. I have been through a lot and have had a lot of heartbreak and doing too much and being codependent **** for me to be confident in the woman I am today. With that being said, I say you walk away. You even admitted that he has used the "I'll Change" card in the past but never acts on the promises. And you know what its not really surprising to me.  In my opinion, men rarely change. It sucks but its true. Once you've become comfortable with a person it's hard to actually shift things around. Of course they say they will change but a lot of times men are just insecure and its more convenient for them to "turn a new leaf" and stay with whoever they are with then to invest the time and trouble in a new relationship. My soon-to-be Ex Husband was the same way, always making empty promises and one day I thought you know what I am over it, and like Jaci said, you just gotta cut the dead weight. I would hate to see you re-invest in the relationship and get stuck marrying him or having kids and then the whole relationship just turns into a downward spiral and at that point, its harder to just walk away...trust me! You have the perfect opportunity to get out and just find what really makes you happy. And besides, personally I think you are too young to be so involved in something that is making you more unhappy then happy. There's a good reason you are conflicted right now, listen to your head not your heart...it can be misleading! I understand that you love your ex and probably still attached to the idea of having someone around, but honestly and especially with your new transformations that are going on, you definitely need time to find yourself, what really makes you happy and what you really want in a man. I think its definitely ok to go out and be young and carefree with your friends and if you meet guys or if men want to compliment you or buy you drinks or even take you out, let them...but do it for fun don't do it to look for whatever is next on the horizon, relationship wise. I'm telling you, if you let "love" find you, so to speak then it always falls into place and you end up happier than you've ever been. Stop looking for the last hope with your ex or with that connection with someone new and just focus on being the best you can be right now and really working your surgical "tool" and the rest will follow. Good luck :)

Thank you guys for all the wonderful advise. I ended up trying to "fix" things with the ex but that crashed and burned fairly quickly when I realized I wanted so much more from someone. My ex fought really hard for us at the end but I think it was just too late. 
 My mom actually dragged me on to Eharmony as well and for the last week have been dating an amazing man that at least so far seems to be meant for me. I have stayed fairly skeptical to make sure I am not following any old patterns and so far it has been nothing but amazing. Long story but he has actually met my family even and they LOVE him... which is an absolute first. And he is supportive of my surgery and they life changes I have add to make. We've talked about my schooling and he is encouraging me to take it further. Maybe its just because we are in that new to eachother stage but I am head over heals.
Its funny I have never received the compliments that this guy gives me, the bend over backwards to make you smile, the little things that show he  was thinking about you until I met this new guy...I don't know if its the surgery or just I picked a good one this time or maybe a combo... But I am loving it!!

Thank you guys again for all of the support and advise. It has been a rough few  weeks.