Dating and the WLS conversation...

Dating and the WLS conversation...

Hi all! I'm looking to get back in to the dating game. My question is when would be the natural time to mention the weight loss surgery journey?

It's such a HUGE part of my experience and one of the great accomplishments in life. However I'm not sure if it's taboo to mention it too early just like no discussing previous relationships too early or politics, etc. Also I joke about having a "doggy bag lifestyle". Often i only eat half or a 1/4 of dinner. I even have concerns about perceptions of the guy paying for dinner yet I don't eat that much. Maybe I'm over analyzing.

Any advice?

 I don't think your over analyzing at all....Now I maybe just 22 and I haven't had surgery yet but I will be in your positions one day. I don't think it should be a conversation on the first date but if things being to progress maybe like 5th or 6th date then you should let him know. Like you said its one of your great accomplishments. And he will have to understand this is your lifestyle now.  But I don't thing it will be a issue.

Hi there, I'm a newbie ... no surgery yet as I'm in the very early stages of this process but thought I might be able to lend a little insight.

You mentioned certain things that aren't discussed on a first date (previous relationships, politics, etc). I think that is a good basis to go on. Once you are to the point in the relationship that you are having those serious kind of discussions then I would broach the subject of the WLS. You don't want it to be your opening line.

JMO

Right now cause you are still within the honeymoon phase of WLS yes it is a huge part of your life BUT You dont tell others about other medical procedures you had done, what makes WLS any different?

At over 6.5 years post-op I can say I have told 1 person that I have dated, but he was also a post-op RNYr. I'll tell you now most just wont care. While WLS is big to you its not to them. A good catch wont care what you eat or how much they will just like YOU! Same goes for extra skin. Only a superficial ass will care.

The biggest thing is not to get pissed if you get attention from thoes you never would have before. As as much as people do not like to admit it a good personality doesnt stand out first, its physical first and foremost with men & women. Its natural. As MO and former MO many take a real problem with ones that wouldnt give you the time of day before. If you find you have that problem, dont be afraid to go for therapy. Let go of the past, learn from it and move forward dwelling on your former self is nothing but self destruction.

And dont worry about the food issue. They dont care how much you eat, in my BFs case he'll just finish what I dont, LOL.

 i've "dated" 2 guys and didn't tell either of them. the first one was for about 2 months and was really nothing more than sleeping together and the occassional text and he visited me at work once. the other was 4 or 5 months and we talked all the time but i never brought it up. i don't think we ever actually ate a meal together, we usually just hung out around my apartment or took walks or whatever. i was a little surprised that neither had asked me about my scars or anything, but i guess that's kind of awkward to bring up too. i suppose if i find someone serious enough i'll tell them, but that just hasn't happened yet.

I moved a few months after my second surgery (emergency surgery to fix an erosion). so when I left Miami and went to Houston, almost no one knew I had WLS. I think with most people they prefer to keep that information to themselves for awhile. I felt it out (both with friends and with romantic partners) by saying little things like, "Oh, no thanks, I can't drink and eat at the same time." because I'm comfortable telling people what they want to know when they're curious, but I didn't want it to be about my insecurities or throw it on them too early. So, if they asked why, I said something else with a little more info, like "Oh, I had surgery, and its one of the things thats a result." and then tried to change topics. if they brought it up later, or wanted to keep talking about it even when I casually distracted them, then I told them. No one I told seemed to take it badly. A couple of people were shocked, but everyone was accepting. good luck and don't sweat it too much, most boys are not very observant anyway!

I don't make it a big deal. I just say it in passing coversation. Usually if we go out to dinner and I am nly able to eat 20% of my food, he usually questions it. If they are scared off by that, good riddance!

 Since surgery a year ago I've had a few first dates and it really just depends on the person.  There are some guys I just never felt comfortable telling because I didn't feel like they could really understand.  The few that I did tell were ones I really felt I could trust and would understand.  It's really just what feels right.  I wouldn't stress about it and really just go with the flow.  

 Actually, I am really glad that you posted this question. I have a date coming up and I kind of wondered that too. My friends know and its not a big deal. But I am glad that there are insites! Thanks for sharing everyone!

Thanks everyone for your insightful replies! I'm looking foward to dating and aside from the normal nerves got nervous about this as well.

Thank you!

PEA~