Thought it wouldn't happen to me...

THIS IS VERY LONG.
Over the two year period that I was putting off surgery and researching my butt off, I would read about these people who either left their spouse or significant other after surgery OR got left by someone who had the surgery. I thought how sad, egotistical, superficial,and pathetic these people are for dropping their other half just because they are thin and get more attention now. WELL...I am officially one of those sad, egotistical, superficial,and pathetic persons.
I am going to somewhat convict and condone my own actions here.
I have been together with who I thought was the love of my life for the last 3 years, engaged for the last two, a wedding was in the works. He was the type of person who took care of me when I was sick, would bend over backwards to get me anything I wanted and he is a father to my daughter since she was 4 months old, now 3. BUT, he has a dark side to him, if something upsets him he yells, he doesnt know how to use a regular tone of voice to express negative feelings, he is a drug user(I was ok with it B4), partier, he has no patience for my older two daughters 6 and 9 so again all of us had to hear him yell constantly, we would argue EVERY day over anything because he has zero tolerance.
With THAT said...I am an extremely hard person to live with, everything HAS to be my way and if it isn't, you'll hear about it for the next week. I'm one of those people who acts like they're better than everyone else, even though I'm NOT. I'm a hypocrite, I was allowed to do things that he wasn't, So, the fighting and arguing wasn't ALWAYS his fault.

Before surgery I couldn't leave him, he was the bringer of bacon...like I said he was a provider through and through ( for the most part)...There was nothing I couldn't have and that he wouldn't give me if it was within his means to do so. Besides I weighed 315 lbs, who else would want me? A single mom with 3 kids. Needless to say my self-esteem was low and he loved every bit of me the way I was, he didn't care if I had the surgery or not.
A year ago October 5th, I had the surgery, he was there by my side every step of the way, when I was in pain he brought medicine, when I was feeling ill he comforted me, as I lost weight he admired and encouraged me. There was still fighting and arguing throughout. I sent my children to stay with their dad during the last year to either make it easier on myself or to protect them from the hostile environment, I havent convinced myself of which one is the truth yet.

So as of today I have lost 142 lbs. I went from 308 day of surgery to 173 this morning.
I feel like a new person, I have a new appreciation for life, my children(They came back), (I love being a mom now!) I hated it before(I know it's sad), I wanna be out and enjoy life with my family. I want better things for myself and my girls and I believe I have the power to do that now. AMAZING what losing a little weight will do for your confidence and drive. I want to to make us happy and if there is anything or ANYONE keeping us from being happy then whatever it is HAS to go away.
Some people might say, "She probably gets more male attention and thinks she's hot stuff and can do better." For those people I'd like to say **** Off. I don't get any more attention NOW than I did back then. If I do then I'm not noticing it. As far as "doing better", HE was genuine, I trusted him with every fiber of my being. I never had to suspect him and he never gave me a reason to. THAT is hard to find.
All I want is to be happy and I wasn't happy with him. That's it. There's nothing else to it. There was no "other person" coming between us, nothing like that.

So two months ago I moved out and in with my parents to start our new life. So far it's been good. Aside from the constant harrassment I get from "HIM",  We are relatively happy. I'm starting my new job on the 29th, We have a roof over our heads, food on the table and the future is only what we make of it.

 

Congrats!   I havent had my surgery yet, but I am going through the same thing with the significant other.  He is probably a mirror image of your (ex)fiance, but he doesnt yell, just makes me so crazy that I do.  We are in the process of splitting up currently, but now hes in denial and putting of moving out and trying to make me think we should stay together. 

I have one little girl, she is 1 and a half, and he is her father so its really hard for him to let go and get out of the house.  He has no motivation and is trying to tell me he will never get to see her becasue of me (which is crazy cause Im not the type to refuse her her father, unless hes retarded on drugs), and he tried to spend all the savings so he wouldnt have money to get a place...He is a manipulative person. He is also a 'recovering' heroine addict  (I use that term lightly cause he just goes to the methadone clinic and gets a legal high now). 

But I understand everything you are saying, and going through. I fully support your decision to make your life a better one.

I wish you the best with this as well as your little girls.

-Mary

It sounds like this was a long time coming, and it sounds as if it really didn't have that much to do with your surgery other than you finding the confidence to move on. It doesn't seem all that sad, egotistical, superficial, or pathetic to me.

and while it isn't your intention, there will be better guys that come along - if that's what you want. You shouldn't guilt yourself over that, or let others guilt you over it.

To me it sounds like you guys were toxic for each other and it is a good thing that you got away. I hope that everything works out for you and your family.

I am really scared of the whole "Your relationship will end if you get this surgery" thing. I'm in a great relationship with someone I love very much that is very supportive of me. If I got the surgery and it somehow changed me or changed my relationship, I'd be so unhappy. I'd rather be with him than be skinny, but I'm greedy and want both. I'm hoping that what others on the boards have said is true, and the relationships that end after surgery were bad to begin with and good ones are only made stronger.

thank you for posting this...its stuff like this that is hard to share/admit, but in the end it helps to "get it out". I wish you luck with your new life..congrats on the success with WLS, and remember, "the best is yet to come" : )

You don't have to justify your relationship decisions to anyone.  Many people who are significantly overweight "settle" and once they go through a transformation of weight loss, they realize that they want and deserve true happiness, and so they go out to get it!  Best of luck to you and your little ones.

Good luck with everything - I haven't had my surgery yet either, but I know that when we make the big change in our lives and have this surgery, we are changing more than just our bodies.  I know for me, I am ready to not settle for less, and my husband and I are going to be seperating after I am healed.  Luckily for us, it's a mutual decision, but the changes I have made mentally and emotionally include being real with myself and others around me, and things just fall into place.  For us, we were both settling for each other when we have wanted other things.  Luckily we are good friends and I hope we can be apart and still be friends and coparent our daughter while getting along and communicating well with each other.  Good luck, and here's to new beginnings. 

Thanks everyone for your support. It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this right now. OH folks have always been great supporters whether we were agreeing with eachother or not. Thank You all!
-Amber