When and how did you tell loved ones?
Hi all, I am a newcomer to the forums. I am hoping to have the VSG surgery sometime this year. I am still pretty early in the process. My first appt with the surgeon is next month, to give you a time line. I know its pretty early on, but I am 100% committed to this and I WILL have this surgery.
My question is, when and how did you tell your family and friends?
I first visited the idea of WLS in 2008 with the Lap Band. I told my parents and close friends what I was thinking about doing and got some negative kick-back. So I guess I am gun-shy this time around, especially since this is a more "serious" procedure. I have told 4 people so far (the DH, boss, MIL, and my best guy friend). I told the boss because I needed to be off for the seminar and appts. My MIL has actually had the Lap Band, so I have been quizzing her like crazy. I'm so terrified to tell my family, because they are so judgemental and distant. I am not close with my parents AT ALL, but I do see them about once a week, for a few hours. We just dont talk about personal things (which is probably the underlying issues with my weight my whole life... just sayin')
So, how should I deal with this situation? When and who did you tell?
I discussed the whole decision making process with my husband, who was 1000% supportive. Maybe that's what made telling other people easier, I don't know. I got approved in Sept and scheduled surgery for Dec. I waited until October to tell my family and friends. I needed the mental prep. My mom was the only one who was slightly upset but she came around...I think it was just the idea of one of her children having surgery, not so much the fact it was WLS. My in-laws and friends were also very supportive.
The biggest thing is, regardless of how anyone reacts, you need to stick to your guns. If your family has some negative feedback, just tell them you've done your research, this is what you are doing and you'd appreciate support but understand if they can't give it to you right now. Hopefully in time when they see how much your life has improved post-op, they will be happy for you. My mom is now my biggest supporter and tells everyone practically how proud she is of me. Maybe this will be a step to help your family to become more open with each other?
Good luck!!
~Emily~
The biggest thing is, regardless of how anyone reacts, you need to stick to your guns. If your family has some negative feedback, just tell them you've done your research, this is what you are doing and you'd appreciate support but understand if they can't give it to you right now. Hopefully in time when they see how much your life has improved post-op, they will be happy for you. My mom is now my biggest supporter and tells everyone practically how proud she is of me. Maybe this will be a step to help your family to become more open with each other?
Good luck!!
~Emily~
"Tis better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not"
You can always show them this website and have them take a look at all the information that's available here. There's lots of information on this site that can give them all a well informed idea of why you chose to do this.
Most people are not supportive in the beginning because they're worried about you and your safety. This is major surgery and not to be taken or entered into lightly. However, that being said, it's also an amazing thing that offers a lot of hope to a lot of people. Your family and friends just need some time to adjust to the thought of you resorting to this "last hope" effort for weight loss.
So many people told me I was crazy and that I could lose the weight the "natural way", if I really wanted to. Heck, even my younger brother, who weighs almost 300 pounds (he's happy being a big boy), told me I was wasting my time and "taking the easy way out". Sigh.. Some people just don't want to understand how we feel or the choices we make for our health.
My daughter, on the other hand, has been nothing but supportive and even threatened to kick my butt if I tried to back out of my decision! lol She told me this is my time and I need to be healthy and if this the best way to do it, then she is behind me all the way. I love her for that.
I think maybe if you just keep it to a small group of people in the beginning, it will be easier for you to tell others later on. Don't let a lot of people know right away and for those naysayers who just don't want to be supportive, don't tell them anything at all. Let them see the difference in your body as time goes on and when they ask, tell them you worked hard, because this really will take a lot of hard work. And when they see you after the fact and wonder how you did it, just smile knowing you did what was right for you!
Remember, you will always have support here!
Carol
Most people are not supportive in the beginning because they're worried about you and your safety. This is major surgery and not to be taken or entered into lightly. However, that being said, it's also an amazing thing that offers a lot of hope to a lot of people. Your family and friends just need some time to adjust to the thought of you resorting to this "last hope" effort for weight loss.
So many people told me I was crazy and that I could lose the weight the "natural way", if I really wanted to. Heck, even my younger brother, who weighs almost 300 pounds (he's happy being a big boy), told me I was wasting my time and "taking the easy way out". Sigh.. Some people just don't want to understand how we feel or the choices we make for our health.
My daughter, on the other hand, has been nothing but supportive and even threatened to kick my butt if I tried to back out of my decision! lol She told me this is my time and I need to be healthy and if this the best way to do it, then she is behind me all the way. I love her for that.
I think maybe if you just keep it to a small group of people in the beginning, it will be easier for you to tell others later on. Don't let a lot of people know right away and for those naysayers who just don't want to be supportive, don't tell them anything at all. Let them see the difference in your body as time goes on and when they ask, tell them you worked hard, because this really will take a lot of hard work. And when they see you after the fact and wonder how you did it, just smile knowing you did what was right for you!
Remember, you will always have support here!
Carol
Pre-op here too. Hi!
I have been lucky to have a very supportive family. In fact, they are almost too supportive--my mom knew I wanted it before I did, and was ready before I was!
I think that people feed off your energy to some extent. So if I were like "ummm, errr, I think I might have surgery" and kind of stammered a bit, they would see that and understand to be hesitant. My grandparents are very close to me (live 4 blocks away, see them almost every day), and they went through an open RnY with my aunt 30 years ago, and about 5 years after her surgery, she regained all the weight. So they are a little unconvinced. But I have asserted the surgery as a fact, not a question up for debate.
Also, for many years I have tried to be strong around my family. I didn't want them to know how I have grappled with my weight, and I have put on a happy face. I know they must have had some idea, but to some extent I think it blows them away to suddenly have this seemingly jolly fat person want an expensive surgery with risks. So I had to be quite frank. With my grandmother, a romantic, I asked her if she wanted more guys to give me a chance. These were the benefits she could understand. My dad found out he has degenerative disk disease the other day. He is maybe 20lbs. overweight. I shared with him my concern about back problems and so many other problems that would be sped up, or more drastic if I did not correct my weight.
Now as far as other people--I haven't figured that out. I'm kind of at a point where I don't really care what others think. But I also don't want to give out unneccesary information and be a target. Unfortunately some people are ignorant about WLS and what it means about the person who gets it.
I have been lucky to have a very supportive family. In fact, they are almost too supportive--my mom knew I wanted it before I did, and was ready before I was!
I think that people feed off your energy to some extent. So if I were like "ummm, errr, I think I might have surgery" and kind of stammered a bit, they would see that and understand to be hesitant. My grandparents are very close to me (live 4 blocks away, see them almost every day), and they went through an open RnY with my aunt 30 years ago, and about 5 years after her surgery, she regained all the weight. So they are a little unconvinced. But I have asserted the surgery as a fact, not a question up for debate.
Also, for many years I have tried to be strong around my family. I didn't want them to know how I have grappled with my weight, and I have put on a happy face. I know they must have had some idea, but to some extent I think it blows them away to suddenly have this seemingly jolly fat person want an expensive surgery with risks. So I had to be quite frank. With my grandmother, a romantic, I asked her if she wanted more guys to give me a chance. These were the benefits she could understand. My dad found out he has degenerative disk disease the other day. He is maybe 20lbs. overweight. I shared with him my concern about back problems and so many other problems that would be sped up, or more drastic if I did not correct my weight.
Now as far as other people--I haven't figured that out. I'm kind of at a point where I don't really care what others think. But I also don't want to give out unneccesary information and be a target. Unfortunately some people are ignorant about WLS and what it means about the person who gets it.
first of all welcome!
I was also very lucky to have a supportive family or so I thought. My sister and brother-in-law decided to wait to tell me that they didn't think I should have the surgery until I was leaving for my surgeon's office to get his final decision. It was very emotional and I was very angry that they would make me so upset when I was already so nervous. The way I dealt with it was I said: "thank you for your concern it means a lot to me, but I am an adult and I believe that this surgery will change my life so I am going to do it". Now I'll be 2 months out on the 24th and I'm 30 pounds down, and they couldn't be prouder.
As far as everyone else in your life: I told all my friends. They know it's not a miracle cure and I still have to work hard. They are all really happy for me and supportive.
It will all work out, let me know if I can answer any more questions for you
I was also very lucky to have a supportive family or so I thought. My sister and brother-in-law decided to wait to tell me that they didn't think I should have the surgery until I was leaving for my surgeon's office to get his final decision. It was very emotional and I was very angry that they would make me so upset when I was already so nervous. The way I dealt with it was I said: "thank you for your concern it means a lot to me, but I am an adult and I believe that this surgery will change my life so I am going to do it". Now I'll be 2 months out on the 24th and I'm 30 pounds down, and they couldn't be prouder.
As far as everyone else in your life: I told all my friends. They know it's not a miracle cure and I still have to work hard. They are all really happy for me and supportive.
It will all work out, let me know if I can answer any more questions for you
-Erin 
I have to tell my mom and I'm so scared! Especially since I'm considered a "lightweight" (BMI under 35) and she will think I'm putting myself in danger needlessly, and should just diet and exercise. It makes it even more complicated since I'm having surgery in Mexico! I am terrified to even think about mentioning it to her!
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