Fear of Lossing boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We talked about getting married but now that I am going to have WLS he wants to wait to see "if i still want to be with him after I lose weight". In a way I understand what he is saying but on the other hand it hurts my feelings that he think just cause I lose weight that  my feelings for him will change. We talk and talk and talk about this. He is heavy and he has never been with a "skinny" woman. My thoughts are that he wont be attracted to me once I lose the weight! I am so afraid of lossing him cause of WLS in a way I want to not do it for the fear of lossing him. He is very supportive about me doing this he says he wants me to be healthy and live a long life and have many more years to be with him. He is such a great man that I dont want this to change anything, but I feel deep down that I am going to lose him once I lose the weight! I dont know what to do. He tells me that I am already beautiful, smart, funny and have a good head on my shoulders that after I lose the weight that more and more people will see that too and he thinks that I will then look at him and wonder why I am with him. I try to reassure him how I feel about him and that it wont change but deep inside I think its the other way around that I am going to loss him once I have WLS and lose weight, he wont find me attractive or think that he is holding me back from seeing someone else (which I dont ever want to do). Any suggestions? Any advise?

 1st congrats on ur surgery. 
and don´t worry if you love eachother you'll get trhough all this. saying he would stop loving you cuz u lose weight its like saying he will stop loving you if you gain weight. so if you relationship is based on looks yeah it may be over.  (hope not!) but this is a decision that you have to make for youself not for anyone else. 
I bet he is gonna be happy to see you happy. so stop worring for what havent happened yet. and enjoy ur man now. 
keep us posted
hugs.

Thank you!! It means alot to have these posts to read and people that care to want to help. I am just really worried.  I dont want him to find me unattractive either! He has never been with a skinny woman before. We love each other very much I just hope our love with get us through this, it has with things in the past!! Thank You!!

just remember its not a "skiny woman"  is gonna be you!!  and its not only about the skiny its about a being healthier and happier. and i think its great he is supporting you already and you are having these convos . it would help you to get through all the  ups and downs of the 1st year.
good luck!

 If he loves you for you, then you don't really have anything to worry about.   Your mind won't change when you have WLS, only your body ~ with the exception of more self-confidence so if you love him now, you'll love him no matter what your size.  

~Emily~

my boyfriend and i had similar issues prior to my surgery.  basically i am a strong willed woman and told him he was either with me or not, and i wasnt doing this to get a new man i was doing this to be a healthier and happier me, and to have children with him. 

needless to say, i was not backing down cause it was what was best for me....i had my surgery on 2-2-09.  he was in the waiting area the entire time and after i was out of recovery he never left my side.  he was super supportive the entire time i was healing and going through all the life changes and scares that you will have, and all in all it was wonderful, i couldnt have asked for a better support buddy!  he would comfort me when i had regret, pain, horrible pain....etc.

on 10-23-09 we found out we were going to have a baby ( a little sooner than hoped but, what can ya do) and all has been perfect since then.

I still have my moments where i freak out, and so does he, but as all couples should do we talk about it, and work things out and life goes on....we are in love.

if you have true love, he will be with you through it all, if not, you will find the one that does.  but give him the benefit of the doubt. communication is the key !!!

good luck on surgery...its going to be a great ride so hold on tight and enjoy it!

I had problems with my husband before surgery also. Similar issues to what you describe. If your man is anything like mine...well look out. I'm almost 6 months out and it's been a complete rollercoaster ride with my relationship. Nothing to do with me of course, he just has a lot of trust issues since I've lost weight. It's very annoying, but nothing so bad that I would want to leave him over it. I hope this doesn't happen to you, but prepare yourself in case it does.

I've read and heard that MOST relationships fail when one partner has WLS. There's various reasons behind this.

I got dumped just a month after my surgery.

It sucks, but I take comfort in the fact that I am going to be healthier, and live a longer life... and I'll find someone new eventually. Plus, it's kinda fun being single.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I believe the relationships that end after WLS are because either:

a) The person who had WLS gets a lot of attention and cannot resist playing the field so leaves the person who always loved him/her before WLS

b) The person who had WLS realizes that they settled for being with someone that didn't treat them the way they deserved because of self esteem issues surrounding the weight so they leave.

This is just my opinion and based on what I've seen, but if your relationship is otherwise healthy and loving then losing weight, gaining weight, or turning green shouldn't change the way you feel about each other.

I have been in a relationship before where the other person was larger than me and I always felt like if I lost weight I'd dump him and fine someone better.

Luckily, I've been with my current partner nearly 4 years and he's a SKINNY little thing. Cute as hell, but one of those naturally skinny people that can eat whatever they want. He's always loved me for who I am and that's not going to change as I lose more weight. Even though he's never *not* found me attractive at my current size, he's excited to see what I'll look like later (but is also ok if I lose some weight, all of it, or none of it.)

It sounds to me like your guy is insecure and may not have been with skinny women before due to his own confidence. Maybe he thinks once you are skinny you'll just want to find someone else who is also skinny. There's nothing you can do but reassure him that won't be the case and ultimately if he is so insecure, that could be what kills it for you, not lack of love or attraction.

Hope this helps

Don't worry to much into it, it a big life change that you ll both be going through. seeing how he went with the big step with you id say that's a pretty good sign of him sticking around.

But what ever happens in the end, just always got to keep in the back of your head that this is for you.