Grad school is a GO! Want a new ME for a new chapter.

 I have been in limbo recently, waiting to see what I'll be doing next year, if surgery is feasible, all that jazz.  But I received my first acceptance letter yesterday!!  I will be starting toward my Ph.D. in the fall!

I don't yet know if I'll be receiving funding yet (that would be a definitely load off my shoulders), but between potentially this new health bill covering students on their parent's insurance until they're 26, and being able to buy (excuse me, having to buy) insurance offered through the college if not already covered, I'm a little less worried.  Although, does anyone know if insurance offered through a university can deny you?  I know group insurance can't deny pre-existing conditions, but is that how it works if you elect to buy college insurance?  

Anyway, I've been daydreaming about how different my life will be, living away from home, studying what I love, but then I realized something:  it won't be that different if I'm still this weight.  I thought about trying to make new friends and still being my weight, trying to huff and puff my way across campus which thank God I don't have to do now because my school is a commuter school, and all my classes are in the same building.  I thought about more tiny desks, more first impressions, possibly TA'ing and feeling ashamed of my weight.  This is NOT something I want to carry with me into this new chapter of my life.  Yeah, it will be hard.  Yeah, it too has a failure rate.  BUT I know myself.  I know how hard I've worked.  And, I know that nothing else will probably ever work.  I hate to admit it, but it's true.  Furthermore, at my current weight loss rate (and I'm trying to be really good), it would take me 22 months to meet my goal--that's assuming that I'm able to lose at the same rate when I am lighter (probably not true), and that nothing else will get in the way, which something always does.  

So I think I really am going to do it. In fact, I wish I had already done it...yesterday!  The sooner the better because I get to start making first impressions around August 23.  Now I just have to decide which surgery.  The more I seem to know, the less I know which surgery to choose.  People seem to have great conviction toward which ever surgery they chose.  On the one hand, DS seems like a lot to have to keep up for life.  But, it's payoff is great, many people with other illnesses have a strict pill regimen, and I am worried about a purely restrictive surgery and everything coming down to simply how much I eat.  On the other hand, VSG is a lot cheaper, a lot less complicated, and I'm not SMO.  I should be talking with the surgeon some time this week to go over the options.

Sorry for the randomness of this post.  I have so many things running through my head, unanswered questions.  

FIRST OFF...WOW! CONGRATS ON GOING TO GRAD SCHOOL!! YAY!!

 

second congrats on ur decision to have WLS, i first suggest getting all the information you can for each surgery that u pottentially may be interested in, read read read! once you have some knowledge of the pros and cons, you can present that to ur surgeon and he/she can decide along with you what surgery will be best for you. once you have all that worked out, you can look into what insurance options you have, and call them and ask them what their requirements are for approval, than you can work ( along with you doc) on meeting all requirements, once all that is taking care of the approval process begins, and you will need to have a time frame that will work for you to have the surgery, im assuming you shooting for before august? you will need at least 2-3 weeks of recovery time...

 

best of luck...im soooo excited for you ..2010 will be a GREAT  year for you!!!

 

take care!!

 Thanks!

I'd like to think I'm pretty well educated on the surgeries...I've been investigating them since last August, perusing each of the different forums on here.  I've also talked with 2 surgeons, and hoping to talk with the third one this week.  The "problem" is that I know so much that I can see the benefits and disadvantages to each.  I'm positive that I don't want to go lap band route for myself--I hate the idea of having to do fillings, possible band slippage, and a device being inside me.  I like the idea of RnY except that my aunt had that procedure and totally stretched out her pouch.  Also I want to be able to take NSAIDS, and not have a blind stomach.  I do like the malabsorption component of RnY, but if I/the surgeon decide to go with malabsorption, I will probably be going the direction of DS to get rid of some of the stomach/ghrelin, and have a great malabsorption effect.  If I don't go with malabsorption, I'll go with VSG because the two surgeons I have already talked with suggest it is the "future" of WLS and they have very good stats for it.

I should have mentioned in my original post that I am self-pay, so it is really just a matter of setting up dates and deciding.  My parents are totally on board, now I'm on board, I just have to dot my i's and cross my t's.  

It is looking like I probably won't get in before school is out.  But if I do, I've been told that with VSG recovery is about a week, DS, about 2.  I only have 3 classes, so it's a matter of just sitting for 1 1/2 hour increments 

Thank you so much!  I am so excited too!

It depends as far the health insurance thing goes. I know my university has a recommended insurance for students that don't already have it - I'm fairly sure this is managed as a group (groups have had the discrimination based on pre-existing condition ban for many years).  Otherwise, I think it's basically just individual insurance. They won't be able to deny coverage based on pre-existing condition, but they can price you out of the market if you're deemed high risk. They can also still exclude WLS procedures, or call it investigational, which allows them to deny most cases and still call it a covered benefit. Your best bet is to stay on your parents insurance if you can in all likelihood if it covers WLS. The individual mandate doesn't take effect until 2014, so you don't HAVE to buy insurance.

I wouldn't tie your happiness and success in grad school so much to your weight. It's possible to make friends, and even develop relationships regardless of weight. I thought the same thing before I got surgery, but it isn't really any easier. The only advantage is that others will be more likely to approach you, but you have to keep the ball rolling once that happens. I'd look at stuff like Meetup (if you're in a big city), PlentyofFish and OkCupid - all free. You probably won't make that many really close friends with Meetup, but you'll at least have things to do and you'll be able to talk to people. As far as PlentyofFish and Okcupid go, guys outnumber ladies on there around 10:1. In other words, if you write a great profile, including flaws and well as your strong points, I'm pretty certain you'll get at least a few guys talking to you. You don't have to marry them, just use them to get acquainted with the idea of dating. and just ignore the losers - there's little reason to get "creeped out" when you can block them from contacting you. Just try to better yourself in every way you can, and make WLS just a small part of that if you can.

 I'd like to think I'm somewhat realistic about what I'll gain from WLS--I outlined many of my reasons beyond just friends.  WLS WILL NO DOUBT help me with the desks/walking across campus without being wheezy.  I understand that WLS is not the "golden ticket," but to suggest that first impressions are just as good when you're overweight as they are when you are thinner is categorically untrue.  I want people to befriend me based on qualities like my humor, intelligence, loyalty, cooking ability, musical talent--but the unfortunate truth is that no one will ever find out about these qualities unless they aren't afraid to approach me in the first place.  I accept that I may strike out.  I may strike out each and every time.  

You may be right--maybe no one will approach me and I will still be at square one.  And if I'm not willing to go out and be sociable, they will never have the chance to meet me, regardless of my size.  Still, I do not think weighing less can hurt.  There are many thin people who are loners.  Maybe I will be one of those people.  But at least I will be able to do all the other things I want to do for myself--like breath easily.

Would you not recommend surgery?  That is at least the idea I get from all your replies.  Don't get me wrong--I'm extremely appreciative of your frankness, and I think it is appropriate to hear from someone who is dissatisfied.   

Also, as I stated above, my parents insurance does not cover WLS.  I am self-pay.  However, with this new bill I guess I can stay on their insurance, although any complications from WLS will unlikely be covered.

 Well you're right about first impressions. All I'm really trying to say is that it is still possible to make a great first impression, although maybe it isn't the "best" impression you could be capable of. I think surgery would be great for you - the fact that you're challenging me is ample evidence of that. There's very few reasons I would argue against it for someone, as it isn't my place to do that. I even had major complications - this IS something I suggest you think about. My bill for the surgery before insurance paid was right at 18k, and the hospital bill to deal with the complications was around 45k before insurance paid. People are sometimes surprised when they hear that - but an outpatient surgery costs far, far less then a week inpatient stay at a hospital. I don't talk about it much around here, as many consider it demotivational, but you specifically referred to paying for complications, so it's really something I should share. It's still the best thing that's ever happened to me. Actually, let me rephrase that - the best thing I did for myself. 

As far as the friends thing goes - I'm just saying that people aren't going to approach us much at our age to become friends. Many people in their 20s aren't ACTIVELY looking for new friends - many are settling down, or they already have a close network of friends. Some are though, but at the same time, many of these people are too shy to approach people. I'm just saying that becoming the person that will approach THEM completely changes things. I'm definitely not perfect at this, but it changes things if you at least try (which you probably are to some degree). As for guys, I understand the traditional way of our society, and you know - you probably should expect guys to make the first move. That's fair. But it's the same with guys as it is with anybody, the more outgoing the better. The only reason I even mentioned relationships was because I sensed that you considered it important, and because I think it gets skirted around in many discussions on WLS. I know I had nobody to talk to about it, as my support group consisted of two dozen women in their 40s and 50s and a couple of guys that could be my grandfather. Even on the singles board here, most of the ladies there are in their 30s and 40s, and the dynamic is completely different. 

I'm actually a little surprised you thought I was somehow against you or dissatisfied. I apologize about that. I just saw you had a lot of the same social hiccups that I did before surgery, and still have to some degree, and I thought I could try and help. You don't have to wait until after surgery to try and become more social - which IS NOT to say that WLS isn't the golden ticket. I mean, really.....WLS IS the golden ticket. Defeating my obesity was one of the great victories of my life. I can't give you the answers, but I can try and guide you in a way such that you can find out yourself what the answers are.

Congrats on your acceptance to school!  

Good luck to you too on deciding what surgery to get.  There's no real answer that anyone can give you, just one of those things you have to decide on your own.  But no matter what, you'll do great!  

~Emily~ 

Congrats on getting in to grad school!  That's really exciting.

I want to wish you luck getting the details of your surgery sorted out.  It's exhausting!  I just found out I got approved with this surgeon, and I am eagerly awaiting my date.  I am getting the DS so if you ever want to discuss it, just let me know!

One more thing, I went through 4 years of college being SMO and I still had an AMAZING time.  Great friends, parties, boys...etc.  Whatever happens with the timing of everything, it will still be a really positive experience.

I hope everything works out well for you!!

Congrats on getting into grad school! Things are going to be VERY different for you, I promise. 
I just finished graduate school, so I can say with some serious conviction that you WILL make new friends. Some of my closest friends are people that I met in graduate school. Many of my friends from undergrad have made some of their best friends in grad school. Think of it like this- you've got similar career interests, the same classes, you're going to be spending hours every day with them, studying with them. You are going to make new friends. 

As far as purchasing coverage from the school, it's really BAD insurance. You have to make sure everything's there in each term. I have a very good friend (that I met in grad school), that has a pre-existing heart condition. She's in her mid 20's, so she's not covered under her parent's insurance anymore. She HAD to get some kind of coverage, but whenever she ends up in the ER or has to get MRIs or bloodwork, the school insurance only covers little parts of it. It's really pathetic how they cover students. Most plans are basic "sickness only" or "sickness and injury" programs. I bought it one year because I was between insurance companies (before getting married and being put on my husband's plan), seriously, it cost me a $50 co-pay to go to the dr's office. Out of pocket pay would have been $30 through the school's contracted Dr. I was pissed when I realized I could have just gone to that Dr and said I had no coverage and just paid $30. 
The key to keeping them from denying you on the basis of pre-existing conditions is to NEVER have a lapse in coverage. Once there's a lapse, they will say they won't cover x,y, or z for 6 months or a year, depending on the insurance. 

Anyhow, choosing which type of surgery that is best for you is honestly a personal choice. You say you're against the band (good idea). The thing about your Aunt and the RNY, that's not something that happens to everyone. It's also a complication that can be fixed and corrected Check out the RNY board (if you already haven't) and there's MANY long term post RNYers that are really successful. I'm only 6 months out and don't question my choice one bit. I'm down 86 lbs and feeling AMAZING. But one thing you didn't mention (or I missed while scanning through) is that with RNY, you have to take supplements just like people with the DS. My surgeon has us sign a contract regarding supplements for LIFE, and we must get bloodwork every 6-12 months, for life. And a lot of these surgeries have issues with people having kids later on (I'm assuming here, but it's still something to consider). Anyhow, PM me if you have any questions about RNY or just need a WLS bud. I'm not usually on this board (first time I've been here actually), I'm usually on the RNY board. 
Or feel free to friend me here and/or on facebook. www.facebook.com/babagrlshell- put OH in the request so I know where you're from!