new dating life "rules"?

I've just had my one year anniversary after WLS and I've lost 90lbs. YAY! The trouble comes, however, with the loose skin I have (mainly on inner thighs, stomach, underarms) and saggy breasts (I went from a C cup to an A cup). I'm actually planning to go back to my doctor in Colombia to get an upper body lift, fix the underarms, and a breast lift/probably get implants to get to a B cup (which I never wanted to do, but I'm about to be 24yrs old and I do NOT want saggy boobs at my age). So that's all and good...

However, the issue is my current dating life. I've just broken up with my boyfriend of two years and have started dating a couple new guys and am generally enjoying being single again. BUT I'm not really sure how to handle my eating habits and body around the new men in my life. I've only had a few dates (but more coming!) and it hasn't really come up before... But I do plan on getting more physical with at least one of the men, and I really don't know how to handle that. My boyfriend before saw me at my biggest and loved me anyway, and he never said anything about my scars or how loose my skin was becoming... But in terms of new men (none of whom yet know about my WLS), I don't know how to handle the physical aspects of the relationship. Like, do I tell a guy about my WLS before getting naked (aka seeing the tummy scars), or do I wait until he asks? And just in general, how do I bring up food/body issues to a guy who probably has never had to deal with something of the sort WITHOUT scaring him off?

good questions- i'll definitely be lurking for the responses, since I'm practically in the same boat. I've been single throughout this whole process, and I'm staying away from physical intimacy because of religious reasons... so I haven't come into it too much. however, i will say, I think telling someone before you're naked and vulnerable before him seems like a good plan in my book. I ususally tell people after a few dates or whenever something comes up ''why can't you drink when you eat/'' etc. I've found that people ususally mirror my reaction because they are always a little shocked... so if i come on like, ''oh, it's no big deal, but it's a part of me.'' they seem to accept it and move on and it doesn't become a heavy scare-away topic. but if i'm really timid about it, then it tends to make people more uncomfortable. good luck with all that though, it's a brave new world for sure

 I don't know the answer to this one!   I do know that my husband is estatic about my new body, extra skin and all.   I realize it's different because he's been with me through out the whole process but I can't imagine that a good, decent guy wouldn't be understanding of this.  I can imagine it would be slightly ackward the first time you are intimate but usually we tend to worry about things that guys don't even care about.  

As far as the food thing goes, just tell him that you can't eat certain things or do certain things like drink while you eat.  If you don't make it a big deal, then it probably won't be.  

Good luck!  I'm sure you'll find a great guy who will be understanding to our new way of life!  

~Emily~

If a guy asks about your eating habits or anything like that I've found that being honest is best.  If you aren't comfortable enough to share such a huge part of who you are then maybe he isnt someone that you should get intimate with.  I was always honest about my surgery.  I didnt tell a guy on the first date but it is a big part of who I am and so I generally would let a guy know about it within the first few weeks of dating.  The excess skin etc never caused any problems for me in the physical arena.  But in the end I wound up with the most amazing man and as it turns out he had RNY too so that was something that we had in common and has worked out really well for us.  I tend to believe that you should just be yourself and be open and honest.  If you conceal even a part of yourself it can seem like a lie or a bad foundation if the person finds out down the line.

good luck and if you need anything I am always here =)

I agree with Amber.  I realize everyone has different attitudes towards sex and I can see how the skin issue can be problematic for those who just want to have very casual sexual relationships.  But, for those whom you are dating, I am of the opinion that if you are getting to a place where you want to be physically intimate with them, the whole weight loss surgery thing should have already been discussed.  If you wind up in any sort of substantial relationship with this person, it will be important for them to at least be somewhat educated about your procedure.  If it is bothersome to them, you're really and truly better off without them.  I understand not wanting to discuss it at first, but after you've established a rapport, I think it's important to be honest.  

You don't have to make a big to-do about it.  But you can calmly and succinctly let them know that you had gastric surgery and as a result can only eat small amounts of certain things.  On a first date, I always pull the "This is so delicious, I'm glad I'll have leftovers for tomorrow" card.  If you don't act like it's a big deal, they won't think it's a big deal.  It's one component of your life, not your entire life.

I really feel like someone who is genuinely into you for YOU isn't going to be dissuaded by a choice you made to become healthier.  Skin or no skin.  If anything, they should be proud of you.  Surgery is a scary thing, and it shows how serious you were about making a commitment to your life and your health.  I actually dated a guy briefly (we're still friends, we just weren't compatible) and it turned out that he'd recently lost 80 lbs the previous year.  It was a really cool thing we had in common, so it actually turned out being kind of nice.  You just never know!

well i totally understand where you coming from I was actually in the same position when i met my fiancee, you always ask yourself if he will understand and accept you as you are. but thank god he was ok with everything and loves everything about me and my body. even though us as women always think the opposite and til this day he is more comfortable with my body then me. is a very dramatic change we all go through. and i actually met him after my surgery.